Diminishing Walls
by Photogirl333
Summary: Bella has accepted that she will always be alone and un-loved.  Edward is a single father dealing with life and his baby daughter.  Can the two be brought together by loving the same little girl? AH/ExB both POV. Tissue Warning at times, so I've been told
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is my first fanfic. Although I've read 100's and have had this story in my head forever, it's still taken me until now to gather the courage to write it. It's lightly based on real life experiences and feelings, but by no means is it truth. I'm not sure right now of how my updates will go but I want you to know that I have the entire story mapped out and I know exactly how I want it to go. I will finish and update regardless of reviews. Reviews will always be appreciated and welcomed however they are not required. So if you're a reader who finds pushing that little review button difficult (I tend to be guilty of that) then I understand. I do however hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters in the stories in my head.**

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~~Bella~~

I watch as the light of the rising sun tries feebly to break its way through the nearly constant cloud cover and rain that exists here. I find comfort in the rain. It hides the tears that come more often than I'd like.

Town is quiet this time of day. It's just before eight on another Wednesday morning. It's strange to think I've been here for two months already. Two months to the day in fact since I left my life behind. Not sure I'll ever be far enough away, but 2700 miles was the best I could do.

I glance once more at the rain soaked emptiness outside the motel window and with a sigh decide to get ready for work.

Now my job, that I love. About two weeks after I arrived in Forks I interviewed for a job at the local daycare. There weren't many jobs available here in town with it being so small, and even though I'd never worked with children before I just felt drawn to it. I was lucky enough to get the job and now I'm what they call a Lead teacher for the infant room at Sunshine & Rainbows. It couldn't be more perfect. I spend all day taking care of and cuddling babies. It's peaceful, quiet and just what I needed.

After a nice warm shower to chase away the melancholy feelings of this morning, I throw on what has become my staple outfit since moving here. Jeans, a t-shirt, hoodie and uggs. I usually like to wear my converse but we're not allowed to wear shoes in the infant room at work and the uggs are just more practical to take on and off, besides they keep my feet warm. I throw my hair into a pony tail and call it done.

After locking my motel room door, I head to the lobby and grab a cup of coffee for my walk to work.

"Good morning, Bella." The receptionist, Jeanne, says as I walk in.

"Hey, Jeanne. Just grabbing a coffee before work."

"You may want to drive today instead of walking Bella. It's supposed to rain pretty bad this afternoon. Worse than normal I mean."

"Thanks for the warning, Jeanne." I say as I wave and head to my car in the parking lot.

I don't usually drive to work. It's only about 4 blocks away and a little rain isn't a big deal but I've learned that when the locals talk about the rain being bad, then it's going to be really bad.

When I get to work I prepare myself before heading in. See, first thing in the morning I like to head into the kitchen and gather my necessities for the day before my babies arrive. The thing is…Mike works in the kitchen. He's the cook/handyman here at the daycare and well let's just say, he's a little too friendly for my liking.

Upon opening the door and walking in I notice that the kitchen is Mike free. I release the breath I didn't realize I was holding and smile while walking to the cupboards to pull out my bowls and baby spoons. After filling a jug with hot water to use for making bottles later I pile my things in an empty bin to carry to my room.

I turn away from the counter and smack into something solid. I fall back dropping my bin of dishes and landing on my ass.

"Oh God, Bella, are you ok?" says a voice that makes me cringe.

I look up and realize I've run smack into Mike and now he's hovering over me and attempting to touch me. I swat his hands away and push myself off the floor.

"I'm fine." I say, while he continues to try and check me over. "Mike, stop! I'm fine. What were you doing right behind me anyway? Next time give a little warning, ok."

"Bella, are you sure you're ok? I didn't mean to scare you. I'm so sorry, really. What can I do to make it up to you?"

"Seriously Mike I'm fine. What you can do though is wash all my dishes real quick before my kids get here, because I obviously can't use them now that they've hit the floor."

"Oh…yeah, sure. Um, Bella…I was thinking that maybe we could go to a movie on Friday as like an apology for today."

"Sorry, Mike but no. I've told you every time you've asked me out that I'm not dating right now, or anytime in the foreseeable future, so stop asking. Just wash the dishes, Ok? And make sure you bring them all because I'm getting another baby in today. Not sure how old she is or what I'll need, and I really don't want to run out later." I turn quickly and walk out of the kitchen toward my room before Mike can make another attempt at asking me out. It's a regular occurrence and I'm not sure how I can be anymore clear.

Upon entering my 'classroom' I start to get things set up for today. I'm so excited about getting a new baby. I wasn't given much information but I know it's a girl and that she'll be here five days a week from open to close and that she's here later today because the Aunt will be bringing her in. I really wish I was meeting the parents. I find it much easier to establish a good routine for both the child and myself if I can find out first hand how things are handled at home. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to keep my questions in mind for when I do meet them.

As I'm getting the crib sheets and blankets out for the three babies I'll have today, I hear my name being called from the door that connects my room to the toddler room next door. I turn and see Alice bouncing slightly in the doorway, looking a bit like a kid on Christmas. I tilt my head and raise an eyebrow in question.

"Bella! Oh I'm so excited!" she squeals. I swear she's going to hurt herself if she doesn't stop the bouncing soon.

"I can see that Alice. May I ask why? I mean after almost two months here I've gathered that you're a little excitable normally, but this is a level I haven't seen before." I really like Alice actually. She's the one person I'd consider a friend if I was allowing myself to get that close to people, but I'm not so…yeah.

"You're getting a new baby today!"

"I know that, but why is that making you excited?"

"Because silly, she's my niece."

"Oh. Um, ok. Well Vicky told me she was being brought in by her Aunt, is that you?"

"Nope. Well I mean, yes, I'm her Aunt, but it's Rosalie that'll be bringing her in. In fact they should be here any minute."

Ok now I'm just confused. I had no idea that Alice and Rosalie were related. I mean they look nothing alike. Alice is tiny and energetic with short spiky black hair and beautiful blue eyes. Where Rosalie is a tall gorgeous blond with an amazing body. She seems nice enough but I don't think I've said more that a hello to her. I guess they do have the same eye color though. The confusion must have shown on my face because Alice answered my unasked question.

"Rose is my sister-in-law. She's married to my oldest brother Emmett. You know the police chief?" Oh um…should I tell her I still have no idea who she's talking about. I decide not to voice my complete disinterest in her family and just shake my head no.

"Really Bella? Don't you listen to anything when I talk to you?" I turn my head away from her and I can feel my cheeks heat with my embarrassment. This is why I don't talk to people.

"Well we'll worry about that later. My niece Lilly will be coming in with Rose today, she's my brother Edward's daughter. He's the middle child just so you know. Anyway, Lilly is 2 months old today and can be a bit of a handful. She not been much of a sleeper and tends to throw fits quite often. Edward would have been here to explain all this to you but he had the overnight shift at the hospital last night and asked Rose to bring her in."

"Um, ok. Well thanks Alice. I guess I better get everything ready then if I'm going to spend most of my day calming a fussy baby." I turned quickly and prepared three cribs for the day. We have a total of five in the room so I made sure to separate Lilly's crib from the other two just incase I'm unable to calm her down today. While placing a blanket and toys down on the floor for my two older babies I couldn't help but wonder a few things about what Alice had told me. Why is Rose bringing Lilly in and not her mother? What exactly does Edward do at the hospital? And are Alice's brothers anything like her?

_Stop it Bella! It's not any of your business and besides why do you want to know things about people you have no intention of getting close to anyway._

Sighing heavily, I rub the heels of my hands into my eyes and will the tears away. My sub-conscious is right. There is no point is letting anyone in. I just get hurt that way.

Just as I'm finishing up my pity party, Mike shows up with my newly cleaned dishes. Thankfully, Rose is right behind him carrying a very upset little baby. I can't exactly see her yet but I can certainly hear her from underneath the blanket that is thrown over her baby carrier to keep out the rain. She is loud, very loud. Mike clears his throat and looks a little uneasy as he hands me the dishes and says, "here Bella. Well, um, have a good day dealing with…that."

Mike quickly turns and leaves the room. Hmm…maybe a screaming baby is the only way to keep his advances on me in check. I'll have to try that out if Lilly is as fussy as Alice said she is.

"Hi Bella. I'm so sorry about this. Edward was hoping that she wouldn't be as bad today, but she didn't really want anything to do with either Emmett or myself last night and has done nothing but cry the whole time. She did finally sleep a little bit but then wouldn't take a bottle this morning. I'm not sure what to do. Edward's usually the only one that can ever calm her down when she's like this and he doesn't get off work until 10am. Please let me know if you can't handle her and I'll give him a call." Rosalie stated while gently setting Lilly's carrier on the table. She looked like she was about to tear her hair out and have a breakdown.

"It's ok Rose. I'll give it a try. Have a seat and take a breather for a sec. Let me get her out of the carrier and then I have a few questions for you real quick." Rose just nodded her head while plopping herself into the chair at the table.

I slowly took the blanket off the carrier so I didn't startle the baby with the bright lights of the room. Once the blanket was removed and the carrier's handle was lowered I was met with a very red faced, tear stained, tiny baby girl. Her little fists were balled up by her face and she was taking big gasping breaths. I gently unhooked the straps of her carrier and lifted her up into my arms. Once I had her tiny head situated in the crook of my left elbow I used my right hand to brush the tears from her cheeks and spoke gently to her while trying to calm her down.

"Shh, my pretty little thing. It's not so bad. Tell me what's the matter. I know you miss your Daddy but I promise you'll see him soon. He had to work so you can have all the pretty things you deserve in life. Hush now little bug, I want to see those pretty eyes of yours."

While I was speaking, Lilly unclenched one of her little fists and grabbed onto my pinky finger. When her skin touched mine I felt a strange sensation creep up my arm. Almost like the fizz of bubbles in a champagne glass. It was right at that moment that I realized her crying had quieted to hiccoughing breaths while she calmed herself.

Rose stood from the chair quickly and rushed over to see what was happening.

"Oh. My. God. Wh-what? How did you do that?"

"I'm not sure. I was just talking to her." Just then I realized that Lilly had shifted slightly toward my chest and was rooting around like she wanted to feed.

"Um, Rose? Is Lilly breastfed?"

"No. She takes a bottle. Why?"

"Well, because she's definitely looking for something." I stated while looking down at my chest.

"Oh! Let me grab the bottle I made before leaving the house." She went and grabbed the bottle from Lilly's diaper bag and brought it to me.

As soon as I got the bottle close to Lilly's lips she latched on like she hadn't eaten in days. Giggling I looked up at Rose, "well, I guess that solves that problem."

"I'm completely floored. She's never calmed so quickly for a stranger, not even for Edward."

"Well, all I know is that babies can sense when adults are frustrated and it keys them up even more. It's not anything we can help really, and because I don't have any experience with her fussiness I wasn't already tense thinking it was going to take a while to calm her down. With all of you being so close to her and knowing how bad she can get, unconsciously you already tense up so it can affect her."

"Oh, I never thought of it that way. Bella?"

"Yeah"

"Do you have kids? Or have you had experience with this before?"

"No to both questions. But I do love babies. It's just natural I guess."

"Well I'm impressed. Did you have questions for me?"

"Oh, yeah. Does Lilly have any kind of schedule for feedings or napping? Any special needs or anything that I should be aware of?"

"Well no, not really. As you can see we have a hard time getting her on any sort of routine and then Edward tried while he was home with her but he was having a hard time adjusting so now that he's back to work things have changed all over again."

"Ok well then I'll just establish one for while she's here and then hopefully it'll help things out at home."

"Thanks Bella, I hope she stays like this for you, but let me know if things change and I'll call Edward." Rose turned to leave the room and just before she was out the door she turned back and said "Oh, and well, Alice and I are next door so if we can help at all let us know. Although, you're already doing better than either of us." With a sad little smile she turned and left.

Grabbing a burp cloth from Lilly's bag, I went to sit in the rocking chair. Checking the clock I noticed it was only 9:15am. It was hard to believe I'd only been here for a half hour. Knowing I still had 45 min until my next baby arrived, I decided that Lilly and I needed to get to know each other better. Looking down at her sweet little face I saw that her bottle was empty. Setting the bottle aside, I adjusted Lilly so she was lying in my lap with her head cradled in my hands, and the stare down began. She just looked at me, almost like she was trying to figure me out but I knew it was too soon for her to really see much. While she continued to stare, I took the moment of calm to really get a good look at her. She was absolutely stunning. She had a very light dusting of coppery blonde hair and the most perfect little face. Her eyes were still the blue color most babies have at birth, but hers seemed to have an undercurrent of green in them. It made me wonder if one of her parents had green eyes.

"You are a beautiful little girl, sweetpea. Now, you're gonna be a good quiet baby for me today right? I know you can be."

She just looked at me and smiled. It could have been a real smile but my guess was that it was just gas. Either way, the look on her face in that moment had me hooked. I fell in love with that little girl right then. I felt connected to her, as ridiculous as is seemed. I just wanted to make sure she had the best of everything. I knew I couldn't really be in her life like that, but as long as she was attending this daycare and was under my watch, she would know how much she was loved.

I pulled her to my shoulder and gently patted her back to get out the burp I knew she had in her. Once that was done I just cradled her to my chest and rocked. I'd never felt more whole in my life. My heart was telling me that I was meant to love this little girl and my brain was telling me that it would be a mistake to develop the attachment. Everything I love goes away. I'm not meant to love or be loved. The sooner I accept that the better off I'll be.

Trying to ignore the battle of feelings going on inside my head, I pulled Lilly closer to my heart and closed my eyes. Basking in the warmth of the tiny little body curled on my chest, I let the tears fall. Tears for what should've been, what could've been and what will never be.

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**A/N:** These first few chapters will more or less be about getting to know Bella and Edward. Both of their stories will be slow to unfold, but through their interactions with those around them you'll get to understand the pain they are in. Next will be your first glimpse into Edward.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Ok well, here's chapter 2. I had a hard time with Edward today. He wanted to tell his whole story, but that would make for a very long chapter and little to discuss later. So I had to give just an overview of his life to this point. More details about his issues will come later. For a little while until E&B actually meet face to face the chapters will overlap time wise, but not really content wise. Right now they are living their own lives and the only part that connects them is Lilly.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters in the stories in my head.**

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****~~Edward~~**

The silence is almost too much. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for it, but it reminds me of what life used to be. It will never be that way again.

A year and a half ago I thought my life was perfect. I had just finished up my surgical internship and moved back home to work with my dad, everyone back in New Hampshire thought I was a little nuts wanting to come and work in such a small town, but this is what I'd worked so hard for.

Small town life is what I'm suited for. I was eager to get settled. I bought a beautiful house not far from my parents, and was just ready to start a new phase in life. You know - a stable job, wife, kids - the whole package. It didn't really work that way.

I'd only been in Forks for about three months when things changed. My residency at the hospital was going really well. I split time between the ER and the surgical floor, got along well with my colleagues and was given cases that I may not have gotten in a larger hospital with more competition. I felt on top of the world. The only thing missing was someone to share it with.

School was always a priority for me. Dating, girlfriends, I knew that could all come later. Sure I dated a little while in school, but nothing serious. When I moved to Forks and got settled in at work, my brother Emmett thought it would be a good idea to set me up.

That's when I met Tanya. She was Emmett's sister-in-law. The attraction was immediate. I knew she'd be gorgeous just because of who her sister was. Rosalie, Emmett's wife, is a blonde bombshell. Tanya was no exception. She's tall and curvy, with long strawberry blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

Our relationship started out very slow, casual dates and dinners with our families. By December of 2008 I knew that things between Tanya and I wouldn't progress beyond the casual flirty friendship we had. She was fun to be with but we weren't at the same point in our lives. Being only 23 and having no clear direction for her life, Tanya tended to be a little more concerned with the idea of us being together, rather than the relationship itself.

Tanya claimed she understood my reasons for wanting to just be friends and for the first part of 2009 that's just what we were. We'd see each other often at Emmett and Rosalie's and there would be the occasional lunch or movie at my house. It was a very nice, easy friendship that formed between us, or so I thought.

In March she started stopping by the hospital more often than normal, at first I thought nothing of it. Then one of my fellow doctors asked me how my 'girlfriend' was. It was then that I knew Tanya and I needed to have a talk.

When I approached her with my concerns about others - and possibly Tanya herself - having a misinterpretation of our relationship, she went on the defensive. Tanya claimed that over the last few months she had changed and so had her priorities. According to her, she now wanted nothing more than to settle down and have a family, and she wanted those things with me. Not wanting to hurt her or our friendship, I agreed to give a romantic relationship one more shot.

For the first month or so things were truly wonderful. I really started to believe that maybe she had changed and that with some time Tanya could be the 'one'. Our families were thrilled about the new relationship, with the exception of Rosalie.

Rose had me meet her for lunch one day, saying that she wanted to talk about Tanya. She wanted me to be careful and not rush into things, she told me that Tanya hadn't really changed and was just drawn to the easy life I could provide her. Although I valued my sister-in-law's opinion, I knew what was best for me. I don't think I'll question Rose ever again.

It was early May when I noticed things changing. Tanya started going out more with her friends, started stopping by my house or the hospital after having been out drinking. Our time together was becoming less and less, and the drama she was causing was starting to affect our families and my job. When I questioned her about it she just told me to let her live her life and lighten up. That's when I knew Rose was right and broke things off with Tanya for good. If only that had been the last of my problems with Tanya Hale.

After Tanya and I split, I decided to take a break from the whole dating scene. The mess that she created at my job was more than enough to keep me single for the time being. Late one Thursday night in June while I was working in the ER, Tanya came storming into the hospital demanding to talk with me. Not wanting to cause any further turmoil at work I dragged her back to my office so she couldn't cause a scene. Once there, Tanya proceeded to tell me she was nearly two months pregnant with my child and demanded that I pay for her to have an abortion. After an extensive argument where I refused to allow her to terminate the life of my child, she agreed to keep the baby on the condition that I move her into my home and pay all her expenses. Even knowing there was a very real possibility the child wasn't mine, I agreed. I never would have forgiven myself for letting her terminate a child that was potentially mine.

A little over seven months later I was blessed with the most precious gift there is in the world. My daughter, Lillian Rose Cullen, was born January 17th, 2010. We did the blood test to prove paternity, but the second I laid eyes on her I knew what it would say.

The night Lilly was born, I had gone home to sleep and make sure the house was ready for her arrival. I got a call at 3am from the hospital asking that I come in immediately. Fearing the worst, I threw on a jeans and a t-shirt and raced to the hospital. Upon my arrival I was met by the OB doc on-call and the head nurse for the Labor and Delivery floor. They proceeded to tell me that when they went to check on Tanya during routine rounds just after midnight she wasn't in her room. After a thorough search of the hospital and grounds they determined that she had left the premises. Panicked that she may have taken Lilly with her I ran down to the nursery and found my baby girl sound asleep in her bassinet. The nurses on the floor informed me that once I'd left for the day they couldn't get Tanya to even acknowledge the baby. She refused to feed her either by bottle or breast and insisted that she was too tired and sore to deal with it right now. There were no indicators in her room as to where she could have gone or why. After contacting my father and making him aware of the situation, I requested a two month leave of absence. Without Tanya around to help with the baby, it was now up to me to do it all.

That morning I spoke with the pediatrician doing rounds and was given permission to take my little girl home. Once arriving at the house, I found that all of Tanya's belongings had been removed while I was at the hospital with our daughter. Frankly, I could have cared less at that point as to why she had left or where she had gone. I wasn't however, prepared to be a single father to a newborn baby girl.

In the weeks that followed Lilly's birth my family and I became closer than ever. I always had the company of my mom during the days and either Rose or Alice in the evenings. I don't know what I would have done without their help.

To say things were easy wouldn't really be the truth. Lilly, regardless of how much I love her, has been a difficult baby. She rarely sleeps for more than 2 hours at a time. She hates taking the bottle and will fight with anyone who tries to feed her. Her crying is pretty much a constant sound in my house now. At first we would take her to the pediatrician fearing something medically wrong but as of yet we haven't determined a cause other than general fussiness. It's pretty much been two months of hell for my family and me, but I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything in this world.

It's quiet right now because Rose picked up Lilly about 20 minutes ago so I could go to work tonight. It will be my first shift since the birth of my daughter and I'm nervous. Not about the work itself but about leaving her for the first time. I wasn't supposed to be scheduled for the overnight shifts now that I have Lilly, at least not until she gets a little older, but another one of the doc's had a family emergency and I couldn't really say no after they've all covered for me these last 2 months.

**~~~D~W~~~**

"Hey, Jane, I'm going to take a quick coffee break and check in on Lilly. Page me if you need me." I said as I handed her the chart for the patient we just finished.

"Not a problem Dr. Cullen. I'm sure we'll be fine for a little while."

Jane is one of my favorite nurses here in the ER. She's never tried to hit on me so that's a plus in my book, but she's also one of the most professional nurses here. Apparently my new found status as a single father has caused a frenzy within the female nursing staff. Thankfully I'm able to slip out of the ER unnoticed and make my way to the cafeteria. After grabbing a coffee I head outside for some air and privacy to call Rose and check on my little girl.

It's just after 8am, just two more hours to go in my 16 hour shift. It's been hard to get back into work after two months but I have to do it. I'm hoping that Lilly didn't give Rose too much of a hard time last night and that she'll be good for the girls at the daycare today. I pull up Rose's number in my cell and hit send. After several rings a flustered sounding Rose answers the phone.

"Hello?" I can hear Lilly screaming in the background.

"Hey, Rose. How long has she been like that?"

"Oh God, Edward. She's been crying most of the time she's been here. She slept for maybe four hours total since I picked her up from you last night and now she's refusing to take her bottle. I don't really know what else to do. What do you want me to do with her?"

"I'm so sorry, Rose. I thought this might happen. I'm not sure what else you can try. I've only got two hours to go here and then I can come get her from the daycare if she's still crying. I'm sure I'll be able to get a few hours of sleep in here and there. I don't have to be to work again until 8 am tomorrow so it should be ok. It'll just be like I'm back doing my internship again."

"Don't come get her unless I call you. You've been at the hospital for almost sixteen hours you need to get some sleep. Maybe Bella can get her to calm down. She seems to have a gift with the babies. If we can't get anything to work then I'll call you after you've slept for a bit."

"That sounds fine Rose. By the way, who's Bella?"

"Oh, she's the new girl. She started here a couple weeks after Lilly was born."

"New? Are you sure she knows what she's doing. It kind of makes me nervous knowing Lilly will be with some stranger. I was hoping she'd be with either you or Alice today."

"Don't worry Edward. Bella is great with the babies as far as I can tell. She's really quiet and keeps to herself so I don't know much about her, but Alice and I will be right next door and can check in on Lilly often. Just finish up there and I'll call you if I need to. Go home and get some sleep."

"Ok, Rose. I'll trust your judgment. I've gotta go, I just got paged, but call me if you need to. I'll talk to you soon. Give Lilly a kiss for me."

"Ok. Get to work and I'll call you later."

After hanging up with Rose I head back into the ER. Thankfully I meet up with Jane before encountering any of the other nurses.

"Hey Jane, I got a page."

"Sorry to interrupt your break Dr. Cullen, but we had a 13 year old boy brought in who was riding his bike to school and thought it would be a good idea to try some tricks. Only problem was that his trick ended up with him colliding with a parked car. He's pretty banged up, appears to have a sprained wrist and some other superficial injuries." Jane stated while handing me the kid's chart.

"Thanks Jane, I'll take it from here. Can you alert radiology that we'll be sending a patient to them shortly?"

"I'll get right on that Dr. Cullen."

As Jane went to call radiology, I headed into Exam 3. Here's hoping the rest of my morning goes smoothly and I don't have to go get Lilly before I get a couple hours of sleep.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Just as I'm getting in my car to head home I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Pulling it out I notice Rose's name on the caller ID. I sigh and answer knowing that I'm going to have to pick up my crying baby girl.

"Hey Rose. I'm just leaving the hospital now. I should be at the daycare in about five minutes. Has she been crying this whole time?"

"I'm not calling for that Edward. You'll never believe what I'm about to tell you."

"What's going on Rose? What's happened?" Something in the tone of her voice has me a little concerned now.

"It's Bella. She's like some sort of miracle worker. Lilly's crying only got worse after I spoke with you this morning and by the time I'd gotten to the daycare at 9am she was starting to hyperventilate a little. Right after I put her carrier down Bella gets her out and cradles her in her arms. She started talking to Lilly and not even 10 seconds passed before Lilly stopped crying. I've never seen anything like it. Not only that but Lilly started nuzzling Bella's chest like she wanted to feed and the second Bella put the bottle to Lilly's mouth that little girl latched on and started eating like I've never seen before."

"Wow. I'm kind of speechless. And you're right; most of me doesn't believe you. Did you ask what her secret is or get any tips from her? Does she have kids of her own?" I'm a little stunned by what Rose has said. Not even my mom has had that kind of affect on Lilly.

"That's just it. Bella's right around Alice's age I would guess and I asked her about having children. She told me that she doesn't have any kids and she's also never worked with kids before. I was in complete awe of her Edward. It was beautiful to watch. Lilly just wrapped her little hand around Bella's finger and it was an instant bond. The last time I checked on her, Bella had Lilly sound asleep and laying in her crib."

"I'll be waiting to see how the rest of the day goes. Maybe daycare will be a good thing for Lilly. Keep me updated Rose. If you need me to come and get her I will, just let me know. Otherwise I'll see you both around 5:30pm right?"

"Yeah I'll drop her off on my way home from work. I'll call you if I need you to come get her but I don't think it's going to be necessary. Get some good rest Edward, I know you need it. Lilly and I will see you soon."

"Bye Rose and thanks…for everything."

"That's what family is for. Bye."

After hanging up with Rose and heading home I couldn't help but wonder about Bella. After all that Rose had said about her interactions with my baby girl, I wanted to know more about her. Where did she come from? What is she like? Some part of me wants to know as much as I can about her because if she's forming a bond with my daughter then maybe she's exactly what we both need. Then the rational part of my brain kicks in and I know that right now I'm not in a place where I can worry about anyone or anything besides Lilly.

_But if she's good for Lilly then maybe she'll be good for you too._

No. I can't think about myself. I don't have time for relationships outside of my family and Lilly. Maybe after all that's happened, that's all I'll ever have in my life.

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**A/N: Next up will be the rest of Bella's day. Rose and Alice may feel the need to pry a little info out of a very reluctant Bella. We will see how well that goes.**

**Also thank you so much to those of you that have reviewed/favorited my story and thank you for all the story/author alerts. It's nice to know my little story has gathered a few readers.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **This chapter is a little longer than the others. It may leave you with questions, they will be answered in time. Bella has constructed a very thick wall around herself and it will take a while for anyone to even start to break through. I hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head.**

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**~~Bella~~**

This feeling of completeness was foreign to me. It's something that I've come to believe was never meant for me. After the things I've been through - not only once but twice - I know love, comfort, and happiness are not things I'll have in life. To feel these things with someone else's child is just wrong.

I shove those thoughts down deep. There's no point in dwelling on the inevitable. With a heavy sigh, I snuggle Lilly closer to me and breathe in her sweet baby scent. Knowing that I need to get my composure together before the other babies arrive for the day, I get up and place Lilly in her crib. She whimpers slightly but settles back into a contented sleep.

As the rest of the morning goes by, I'm able to forget about the mess my life is in and focus on doing my job. There is nothing better in the world than seeing a baby reach a new milestone. Today while Lilly is sleeping soundly in her crib I'm able to spend time playing on the floor with Carsyn and Aubry. Just last week little Carsyn learned how to crawl; now he's all over the place. It's amazing to see the changes from just a month ago. Aubry who's not quite ten months is starting to take steps, today while sitting with her I've noticed how much more she's letting go and attempting to walk. It won't be long before her little legs are carrying her all over the room.

Watching these two, who I've known for almost two months now, make so much progress in their development makes me think about when Lilly will be at these stages. Will she be an early walker like Aubry? What will her first word be? Will I be there to witness all of her firsts?

_Stop! There is no point in wondering these things. You can't get attached. Your heart won't be able to take it when the inevitable happens and she's gone from your life too._

I know! I've know this for a while now. But that doesn't stop my chest from hurting when I think of her not being in my life. It doesn't stop my heart from breaking just a little every time I remind myself that she's not mine. I'm not her mother. I know that. I know that I'll never have what I ultimately want. Children, a husband, and a loving family to call on when I need them; the argument is old. I've been having it with myself for almost a year now. Repeating my wants and desires in my head doesn't do any good. I just can't help it sometimes.

Choking down more tears, I gather up Aubry and change her diaper before it's time for my lunch break. It's not that I don't trust Jessica who gives our breaks here at the daycare; it's just that she seems a little distracted at times. I'd rather know that I've done all I can to make my babies comfortable before I leave them for an hour. I'm a perfectionist and truly feel that no one can do my job as well as I can, so I'll just do it before they have to. It does bother me slightly that Lilly is still sleeping and I won't be able to change her before I leave. I'm worried how she'll react to a new person being in the room when she wakes up. My only hope is that she's so worn out from her restless night and crying at Rose's that she'll sleep until my lunch break is over.

Just as I finish up with Carsyn, Jessica enters a little too loudly considering there is a sleeping baby in the room.

"Hey, Bella! It's time for your break."

"Shh. Thank you for letting me know. Next time could you not be so loud? I do have a sleeping baby in here." I say while quietly walking to Lilly's crib. It doesn't appear that Jessica's exuberant entrance has disturbed her so I turn to gather my things and give Jessica an update on what needs to be done while I'm gone.

"So the kids should be good until I get back. There are bottles for Aubry and Carsyn in the refrigerator if you need them, other than that they've been changed and aren't due for food until after I get back. Lilly is the one sleeping, it's her first day today and she'll need to be changed if she wakes up. Please be calm and gentle with her, she's having a rough time adjusting. If you need anything regarding her please grab Rose, Alice or even myself. I'd really like to keep her stress level low."

"Oh. My. God! Is that Edward Cullen's baby?" Jessica squeals.

Jesus, doesn't this girl have a volume control? "I believe so, but Jessica, it doesn't matter whose baby it is. She's sleeping and you're practically yelling. Now if you could please just quiet down."

"Seriously have you met Edward? He's got to be the hottest guy I've ever seen. I wonder if he'd consider going out with me."

"Whatever Jessica. Could you just keep in mind that you have three babies to look after for the next hour? And don't forget to get someone if you have problems with Lilly."

"I know how to do this job Bella. I've been here longer than you, you know." She says while rolling her eyes.

I just shake my head and with one last glance at my precious charges, turn and leave the room.

After dealing with Jessica I decide that maybe it's best to just take my lunch break here at work. Eating in the break room near the kitchen really isn't my favorite thing to do because the probability of running into Mike is high, but I'm concerned about Lilly. I can't help but think that Jessica is going to frighten her and I'll wind up dealing with a screaming baby once again.

I usually just walk back to the motel for lunch so I didn't bring anything with me. I scan the kitchen for something to eat and end up with an apple and bottle of water. It'll have to do; all the emotions running wild in my body have pretty much suppressed my appetite anyway. Once I get settled at the table I contemplate all that's been on my mind for the past several hours.

I thought when I moved here that it was for the best. I was as far as I could get from the things that reminded me of all I'd lost and dealt with for the past two years. Now that I'm here I realize that I can't exactly out run myself. The memories are too fresh and still hurt too much. Lilly brought out something in me today that I had buried so deep within myself I'd hoped it would never surface. Regardless of my efforts though, it did, and now I have to deal with what that means. Am I going to be able to survive the crushing depression that is threatening to engulf me? I don't know. I do know that I shouldn't develop an attachment to her. She's not mine. She's not even family. Getting attached will only get me hurt. But she heals something in me. She makes me feel like maybe things will be ok after all, like maybe there is something or someone out there for me.

_No there's not. You've tried it, twice. No one can love you. No one wants you. You are un-loveable. You know this. Don't try to think otherwise. It will only end badly. Can you survive it again?_

No, I really can't. I just need to prepare myself to be alone. It's not so bad really. I mean, I can do what I want when I want. There's no one to tell me how or when to do something. Being alone can be a good thing. Then again, there's no one there to hold me when the world closes in. There's no one there to laugh with and have a conversation with. There's no one there to love and be loved.

"Bella? Are you ok?" I startle and look up. Alice.

"Yes, Alice, I'm fine." I state thickly.

"Are you sure? You've been crying."

Shit. I reach up and rub my hand along my cheek. Sure enough there are tears I hadn't realized were falling. Wiping the rest of them off, I look down at the table and take a deep breath. "I'm fine." Looking back at Alice I notice her eyes narrow as she watches me closely.

"Alright if that's what you want me to believe, I'll leave it alone for now."

"It is. Thank you."

"Oh don't thank me, because we will discuss this again someday…soon. But for now I was wondering if I could join you for the rest of your lunch."

"Umm…sure." Hoping I don't have that much time left I glance at the time on my phone and realize that I've only been on my break for 20 minutes. Great, now I have 40 minutes to spend avoiding topics I just know Alice will try and bring up.

"Oh, good. I've wanted to talk with you for a while, but you always seem to disappear at lunch. When I noticed you in here I had Maggie come give me my break instead of waiting on Jessica."

"You had one of the girls from the office come break you just so you could talk to me? Why? I'm not really that interesting."

"I'll be the judge of that, and I want to get to know you. I think we could be great friends."

"Oh." How do you tell someone that you have no intentions of being friends with anyone anymore? Is it polite to ignore someone for 40 minutes?

"So Bella, tell me about yourself. Where are you from? Do you have any siblings? Boyfriend? Where's your family? What brought you out here?"

"Whoa, Alice, slow down. You're making my head spin. Umm…as far as your questions: Michigan, two, no, Michigan, Just wanted to move."

"You've got to give me a little more detail than that. You have two siblings? Names and ages? Are you close? Give me a little something, please."

"Fine. They are my half-siblings. Leah is almost four years younger than me and will be 23 in a month. Seth will be 21 in May. I'm closer to Seth than Leah but haven't spoken to either since before I moved here." I really need to get the focus off me. I don't want to talk about this, about my life. "What about you Alice? I know about Edward and Emmett, but are there any others? Is your family close?"

"Don't think for a minute I don't know what you're doing. I'll get you to open up sooner or later."

Damn she's perceptive. I'm going to have to be careful around her.

"But to answer your questions, yes my family is incredibly close. Edward and Emmett are my only biological siblings, but I consider Rose my sister. She's been with Emmett forever. My husband Jasper also fits right in with everyone and I know the boys consider him just like another brother. My parents are happily married and have been for 35 years. We are all incredibly happy to have Lilly around even if the circumstances aren't ideal. As I told you before, Emmett is the police chief and Edward is doing his residency over at the hospital with my Dad. Jasper works there too as a psychologist. We all live really close to each other and it's just wonderful to finally have all of my family close ever since Edward moved back a year and a half ago."

Wow, when you get Alice talking she doesn't stop. "It sounds like you have an amazing family Alice."

"I do. So what about you? Tell me about your family."

Shit. I can't do this. "I'm sorry, but um…I'm really not comfortable talking about that right now." I turn my head away. After hearing about Alice's family, it makes mine seem so much worse. I don't like thinking about those kinds of things, let alone talking about them to someone I don't really know.

"It's ok Bella, but I want you to know you can tell me anything. I'm always here to listen."

I look into her eyes and plead for her to understand. Before I can answer her though, Rose comes hurrying through the door with a screaming Lilly in her arms. Jumping up and running to her, I grab Lilly and hold her close to my chest where she immediately quiets down to small little whimpers.

"What's wrong Rose? Why is she so upset?"

Before Rose could answer me Alice interrupts, "How did you do that Bella? Lilly never quiets down that quickly."

"I told you she was amazing with her Alice. Did you think I was making it up?"

"No Rose, but I guess I just needed to see it to understand. I've never seen her like that before."

"Not to interrupt but could you please tell me what was wrong with her?" I ask while stroking her tiny little head and her breathing finally evens out.

"I'm not sure really. I knew you were on your break so I was trying to keep an ear out for Lilly. Jessica is good with the older kids but sometimes I don't think she knows what to do with the babies." I nod my head in agreement as Rose continues.

"Anyway, Maggie had gathered all the kids in our room for circle time and was getting ready to read them a book when I heard Lilly scream. It didn't sound like she was hurt, just startled, so I opened the door between our rooms to make sure Jessica had it handled. When I looked in Jessica was holding Lilly away from her body, bouncing her, and all I heard was Jessica say 'please stop crying, if you don't stop crying your daddy will never like me and I really want him to go out with me so I can see if what Lauren says is true. I mean a man that hot has got to be packing right? Tell me is your daddy hung?' At that point I just lost it, stormed into the room and took Lilly from her."

I was stunned. Who does that to a baby? Alice had an expression on her face that told me Jessica better steer clear of her for a while.

"Before I left the room I told Jessica that she will never get her hands on my brother and that she better hope Vicky goes lightly on her because I sure as hell am going to say something."

"I'll go with you Rose, before I left to go on my break and was giving Jessica instructions, she wasn't even listening to me and just kept going on and on about Lilly being Edward's baby. I felt leery about leaving her alone in the room then. I guess my instincts where right."

"Yeah, she's had a thing for Edward since he moved back. All the girls have really, but Edward rarely gives them the time of day. I have a feeling that Jessica thought she could get to Edward through Lilly."

I was enraged. I don't know where this fury was coming from but from how Rose described Jessica holding Lilly, she could have seriously injured her. Not to mention the kinds of things she was saying around the children. I don't care if they're all infants and don't understand. You just don't act like that around children. They are not play things or just pawns to get you something you want. I felt like I was going to be sick. I needed to calm down so I sat and concentrated on Lilly.

I sat her little bottom on the table and supported her so she could look at me and I could see her pretty little face. I started to talk to her and tried to drown out the rambling, angry conversation Alice and Rose were having about Jessica.

"Hey there sweet girl, did you miss me? I missed you, but I bet you had a nice nap didn't you my pretty little girl."

Lilly appeared to look right at me and smile again. I couldn't help but smile back at her. The expression on her face just made my heart swell.

"Oh wow. Rose, look. I think that's the first smile I've seen on her face. You have to make sure and tell Edward when you see him tonight." Alice said while coming over to sit next to Lilly and me.

"Don't make too much of a fuss about it Alice, it's probably just gas rather than a true smile."

"Oh, Bella, I don't care. She hasn't been that calm since she was born and I'm going to say it's because of you. I've never seen her so peaceful unless she was sleeping and those occasions are rare. You're good for her."

I just smiled at Alice and turned my attention back to Lilly. I couldn't help however, the small amount of hope that blossomed in my chest at her words. I really do hope I'm good for Lilly, because I think she's good for me too. That may be a dangerous thought to have, but part of me really hopes I can make this baby and maybe even Alice and her family a solid part of my life. I'll probably wind up getting hurt more than I ever have before, but there is a growing part of me that will welcome the pain if it means I get to spend more time with Lilly.

**~~~D~W~~~**

The rest of the afternoon was mostly uneventful. I did wind up having a conversation with my supervisor, Victoria Russell, about Jessica's behavior. For now they put restrictions on Jessica, she will no longer be giving me my breaks, nor will she be allowed access to the infant room. It turns out that Jessica has been talking a lot about Edward and his daughter. Vicky said she didn't think much of it at first because the information had come from her sister, Jane, who works at the hospital with some of Jessica's friends. I guess they had been talking about it a lot and Jane thought she should mention it to Victoria knowing that Lilly would be starting at the daycare soon. Once Vicky heard about what happened today from myself and Rose, she thought it would be best to keep Jessica away from Lilly. She didn't think Jessica would do anything drastic to Lilly, and that she was probably all talk, but it was our responsibility as an organization to look after the children. That apparently is not Jessica's number one priority in this case.

Happy with the outcome, I settled into my routine. The babies were fed, played with and put down for their naps. Lilly was very content for the rest of the day. She sat in the bouncy chair while I fed the others and while I played with them on the floor. I got her to take her bottle without a problem and she even took another nap.

As the day was winding down and my babies started leaving I was left with just Lilly while we waited for Rose to finish up and come in to take her home.

We were sitting on the floor, Lilly cradled in my legs while I played with her little feet, when Rose walked in.

"Hey, Bella. Is she ready to go?"

"Hi, Rose. Yep, all her things are in her diaper bag, she's just been changed and had a bottle about 40 minutes ago or so. She should be good for the drive and Edward will probably only need to feed her before her normal bed time." I stood with Lilly and walked over to strap her into the carrier.

"Thank you so much Bella. I think if you weren't here Edward would have had to come get her this morning and he really needed his rest. Things haven't been very easy for him the last couple of months. I'm not sure how he's going to handle work and Lilly. I'm honestly a little worried about him."

"So Lilly's mom isn't around then?"

"Um…that's not really my story to tell, but no, she's not."

"Oh. I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry and I wasn't expecting an explanation." Is it wrong that I felt a little joy at the fact Lilly didn't have a mom?

_Yes, because she's not yours. Even if her mom isn't in the picture it doesn't matter. She's. Not. Yours!_

Shaking those thoughts from my head I turned back to Lilly to say my goodbyes.

"Goodnight my sweet baby girl. You be nice to your Aunt Rose, you hear me. No screaming and carrying on, and be nice to your daddy tonight. He loves you very much and would love to see that pretty smile of yours. I will see you tomorrow morning and we'll have more fun like we did today, ok?" I leaned in, placed a kiss on her forehead and took a breath of her sweet smell. I don't think I'll ever get enough of that.

Looking back to Rose I gave her a small smile and said, "You have a good night Rose, I hope she doesn't give you or Edward a hard time."

"Thank you Bella, for everything. Hey, what are you doing tonight? Do you want to come have dinner at my place?"

"Um…thank you for the invitation, but it's been a bit of a crazy day for me. Can I take a rain check?" Part of me wanted to go and have some social interaction, but I knew that with the day I had had, the dam was near to bursting and it was only a matter of time before I broke down completely.

"Definitely Bella, it's an open invitation. Emmett and I don't have anything going on for the next few days. What about Friday? That way we can all have time to get to know each other. Maybe I can get Alice and Jasper to come too."

"I'll think about it and let you know tomorrow. Have a good night."

"You too, Bella, bye"

**~~~D~W~~~**

It wasn't long after I made it back to my motel room that the dam broke. I collapsed onto my bed and cried harder than I had since that awful day in December. It physically hurt to be away from Lilly. My heart split in two when Rose drove away with her. It felt like a piece of me had been taken away. It's wrong to feel that way about a child that I have no connection to. In the span of eight hours she had stolen my heart and made me feel things I'd never wanted to feel again.

After the tears stopped, I went and stared out the window like I had that morning. When today began I was reflecting on the emptiness of my life, how it had become like the sunless skies of the dreary Forks morning. After my day spent in Lilly's presence, my life still resembles the dark and rainy scene outside the window, but now it seemed to have the light of the moon shining brightly to help me find my way. Perhaps Lilly was the moon. Maybe she came into my life for a reason.

I know there is no way to protect my heart. I could close it off, but then it just hurts from the memories and the what if's of life. If I open it too much, then I'll be hurt by those that find joy in the pain of others. But maybe if I open it just enough to let one tiny girl in, I'll be able to live a little. Maybe then some of the pain can be healed by the pureness of innocence.

The only way to do that is to keep her close, and to keep her close I'll need to befriend her family. Maybe I can be friends with out letting them in too far.

I have to try.

For myself and for Lilly.

Even if it hurts me in the end.

I guess this means I'll be having dinner with the Cullen's.

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**A/N: **Next up is the rest of Edward's day. What will Rose have to say to Edward about our Bella? The next posting should be in a day or so. Until next time, Enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **So here's the next EPOV. I know some of you are anxious for E&B to finally meet. It's coming soon, maybe Chapter 7. That is if Rose and Alice don't get too chatty. Also there has been some concern about Bella's doom and gloom. I promise she will get better, but keep in mind that with the mind set she's in, her perceptions of people or events may be skewed so there will be set backs.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head.**

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****~~Edward~~**

Sleep. I had forgotten what it was like to get hours of quiet, uninterrupted slumber. Waking up to silence though, is unsettling. I may have needed the sleep, but I miss my daughter.

Deciding that I need to use my time wisely, I get out of bed and dress in order to get some things done around the house. Throwing on jeans and a t-shirt, I make my way down to the kitchen to clean up the mess I know I left before leaving for work the night before.

Ever since Lilly was born, my mother has been acting as Grandma-cook-housekeeper. It's time I took responsibility for my home and my life, so I told her not to do it anymore. That doesn't mean she can't come and visit Lilly or myself, I just don't want her to do anything more than that.

After cleaning up the kitchen and putting a load of laundry in to wash, I headed up to Lilly's room. Lilly's nursery was a task that had been taken on by Alice. Even though our Mom is the interior designer, Alice insisted it was her right at the Aunt. Of course all the women in our family had their hands in the final decision, except for Tanya. At the time I thought it was odd that Tanya didn't want anything to do with preparing for our daughter's arrival but I didn't bring it up. Now I understand her indifference. I was excited to help get the room ready for Lilly, but knew better than to interfere with Alice. My one and only requirement was that there not be too much pink. I'd seen some of the example rooms Alice had been looking at and they looked like a Pepto Bismol bottle exploded. I just couldn't see myself or my daughter enjoying a room like that.

Alice out did herself and I will forever be grateful. The room is done in subtle shades of lavender and green, with flowers on the bedding and classic white furniture. The subtle colors make the room feel peaceful and quiet, considering Lilly's current temperament, maybe it's not working but it makes me feel good.

While straightening up her room and restocking the changing table, I started to wonder if this is how life will be for me now. Was there even a possibility that I would find someone to share all of this with? I don't know if I'm really ready to even attempt a relationship with someone, but times like this - when I think of the future - the loneliness creeps in and weighs down my soul.

Lord knows there aren't any women worth my time at the hospital. I swear those women spend more time following me around, and making what I believe are attempts at flirting, than they do attending to patients. Then in addition to all of that I have Lilly to think about. What woman in her 20's wants to be an instant mom? Maybe I should ask Rose or Alice if there are any single women at the daycare. Hmm…I wonder if Bella is single. Ever since Rose mentioned the reaction Lilly had to Bella, she's been occupying some of my thoughts. I know nothing about her, other than she has a calming affect on my daughter, but I'm intrigued. I want to know more, and I haven't even laid eyes on her yet.

The sound of my front door closing shook me from my thoughts and I headed downstairs to greet Rose and my baby girl.

"Edward?"

"Just a sec Rose, I'll be right there." I couldn't hear anything from Lilly, so I assumed she was asleep. Her silence had me a little concerned because she absolutely hates being in her carrier and has yet to sleep while in it. I quickened my pace down the stairs to get to Lilly quickly.

"Rose? Where are you guys?"

"We're in the kitchen."

Hurrying into the kitchen I see Rose unloading the used bottles from Lilly's diaper bag while Lilly sits in her carrier resting on the kitchen table.

"Is she ok Rose? Why is she so quiet?"

"She's just fine Edward. Take a look for yourself."

Walking over to the carrier and lowering the handle, I look down and straight into the bright, shining eyes of my baby girl.

"Well, well, what do we have here? A bright and shiny, wide awake Lilly? What's up sweet pea? Did you have a good day today?" I was shocked to be honest. She'd never been so awake and not crying at the same time. I reached down to unhook her and rubbed her belly, when I looked at her beautiful little face she graced me with the most amazing smile.

"Oh, wow. Rose, look."

"I know, isn't it amazing?"

"What do you mean, you know?"

"Oh, she smiled earlier today at Bella. In fact Bella said she'd done it a couple times, but also said it might just be gas. Although the smile Alice and I saw seemed to definitely be a genuine smile, it happened just after I'd taken Lilly to Bella when Jessica had gotten Lilly all upset." I felt like I was on information overload and it also seemed I was just hearing about the beginning of things that were going to overwhelm me.

"Ok, I have questions."

"I figured you would. I told Emmett I wouldn't be home for a while. Let's go sit in the living room. Bring Lilly."

Of course I'd bring Lily. Did she think I would just leave her sitting on the table? Scooping up my daughter, I followed Rosalie into the living room and strapped Lilly into her bouncer. I didn't want to put her down but I had a feeling Rose was going to tell me things that would need my full attention. Placing Lilly's bouncer near the sofa, I sat down and looked at Rose who had taken a seat at the opposite end. Before I could formulate a question, Rose began speaking.

"I want to tell you a few things before you start with your questions. I know you're going to have a lot and I will answer them the best I can, so be patient with me, ok?" I nodded and she continued.

"Ok, first let me say that I think Bella is a godsend. After I spoke with you this morning I made sure to observe her more throughout the day. The morning went really well, I say that because Lilly slept for a little over 3 hours and I have my suspicions that it would have been longer if Jessica hadn't been in the room. Then when Lilly was awake and Bella wasn't around, she started crying hysterically. I went in to try and comfort her but of course she was too upset. Bella had taken her lunch at work today and was talking with Alice so I bundled up Lilly and took her to Bella. I was hoping that she would calm down like she had this morning and I wasn't disappointed. Then this afternoon I kept sneaking peeks into the room to see how they were doing. I'm telling you Edward, I've never seen Lilly like that. She was sitting comfortably in the bouncer just observing the room while Bella played with the other kids. I know Lilly's sight isn't that developed yet, but it was like she just knew where Bella was in the room."

"Bella would also make sure to include Lilly in whatever she was doing with the other babies. It was like she wanted to make sure Lilly knew she was accepted and loved."

I was speechless. I had no idea what to think. I'm sure that's what all daycare providers should do, involve all the children in what they are doing, but I also know that with a two month old that can be difficult. The way Rose was talking I knew she felt this was above and beyond what someone else would've done. Rose was in awe of Bella, and she is not one to give praise lightly.

"You really need to meet Bella, Edward. I'm sure you'll be in awe of her just like Alice and I are."

"I have to tell you Rose, I already am, and I haven't even met her or spoken with her yet." I would have to remedy that soon.

"I do want to ask you a few things though. You had mentioned earlier that Jessica had upset Lilly. What did you mean by that?"

"Now don't go getting too upset. Bella and I spoke with Victoria this afternoon and Jessica has been banned from the infant room, so there's little to be done at this point."

Banned from the infant room? Oh, God, what did that vile woman do to my baby girl?

"Please, Rose. Tell me, because the scenarios in my head are getting a little out of control."

"Ok. Well, once Bella went to lunch and I knew Jessica was the one in the room with Lilly, I made sure to keep an ear out for her. It wasn't too long before I heard Lilly's cries and went into the room to see if I could help. Jessica was holding Lilly out away from her body with her hands under Lilly's arms so her little legs were dangling. Then Jessica was saying things to Lilly about needing to be quiet so you would go out with her and wanting to check out your…um, 'package'."

"She said _what?_!" I stood abruptly and started pacing while running my hands through my hair. Not only was that skank holding my baby in a way that could have harmed her she was talking about sexual things in front of children? I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Edward, calm down! You're going to frighten Lilly."

I looked at my daughter to make sure I hadn't startled her and found that she was still sitting happily so I sat back down on the sofa and urged Rose to continue.

"After telling Jessica off, I took Lilly to Bella. Lilly was very upset and I have a feeling that Jessica had probably woken Lilly up in addition to what I had found her doing. The second I walked into the break room, Bella was standing in front of me and taking Lilly into her arms, demanding to know what had happened. Once she was with Bella, Lilly calmed immediately and gripped her little hands into Bella's shirt. You should have seen Bella's face when I finished explaining what had gone on. She was enraged. I'm not even sure a mother bear protecting her cubs could have looked as fierce."

The more I hear about this woman the more determined I am to meet her. It takes an extraordinary person to exhibit the kinds of things Rose is talking about.

"The best thing about Bella though, was that she didn't let her anger known to Lilly. I think that if she hadn't been holding Lilly at the time, Bella would have gone and ripped Jessica's head off. While Alice was ranting about things that should be done with Jessica, Bella calmly went and sat at the table with Lilly and began talking to her. That's when I saw Lilly smile for the first time. Bella's voice was calm and soothing. They have a bond, Edward. It's not like the bond's we all form with the kids we watch everyday. It's like they are connected and if I didn't know better, I'd say the bond they have is like that of a mother and her child."

This woman that had only known my daughter for about eight hours, had formed such a strong bond with her that even her Aunt would have thought they were mother and child? A bond that should have been formed between Lilly and Tanya now belonged to a perfect stranger. How is that possible?

"Rose?"

"Yes, Edward."

"Did you happen to learn anything about Bella today? What I mean to say is; did you find out more about her as a person?"

"Well…no, not really. Alice took her lunch with Bella today to try and talk with her, befriend her; but it didn't really work out so well."

"What do you mean?"

"When Alice found Bella in the break room, Bella had been crying. I also observed her crying earlier in the day while she was rocking Lilly. When Alice asked if she was ok, Bella stated that she was fine and wouldn't talk about it any further."

"So you were never able to find out what was causing her to cry while at work? It had to have been something serious to cause her to cry like that."

"No we didn't. She pretty much refused to talk to Alice about it at all. She reluctantly told Alice that she's from Michigan and that she was single, but when asked about her family she shut down."

"Are you sure she's who she says she is? Maybe she's so closed off because she's hiding something, or running away from someone."

"I don't think it's anything like that at all, besides we do background checks and fingerprints on all new employees and she's perfectly clean. I think she's been hurt terribly or has suffered a great loss; perhaps both. I don't know how to explain it, but there have been times when I've looked in her eyes and seen so much pain that I have to look away. I'd never seen happiness, not even a glimmer of it, until she held Lilly."

"Do you think she'll be ok?" Is it strange that I want to comfort her?

"Honestly? I'm not sure. I think she needs friends and Alice is trying to work on that. Lilly may be the key. Today was the most I've seen Bella interact with the rest of us at work and Lilly was there. I don't think it's a coincidence. I've invited Bella to dinner on Friday; I'm hoping that she'll accept. Alice and Jasper are coming and you know how good he is at reading emotions. It may help us gain more insight into her."

"What time on Friday? Maybe I'll join you."

"I was thinking around 7 pm. I'll let you know tomorrow if she accepts. Anyway, I better get going. I'm sure Emmett thinks he's near death from starvation by now."

Chuckling at the truth of her statement, I follow Rose to the front door.

"Thank you Rose, for today, and for our talk; it was very informative."

"You're welcome. Oh, and Bella said that Lilly had a bottle just before 5 pm and also had a short nap late, so she'll be good until bedtime. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Have a good night."

"Bye Rose." I waved as she left and returned to my daughter.

**~~~D~W~~~**

The rest of my evening was uneventful. Rose was right about Lilly; she was perfectly content until about 7:45pm, at which point I bathed her, gave her a bottle and rocked her to sleep. I'd never had such an easy time with her. The only change I could think of was Bella. Somehow this mysterious woman had given a peace of mind to my daughter that no one else has been able to. I was intrigued and determined to meet her. If she could have Alice and Rose singing her praises, and my daughter content; then she needed to be a part of our lives. If it developed into something more than a friendship then all the better, but for now I wanted her around as more than just a daycare provider. I think both Lilly and I needed that.

I was disappointed the next morning when I dropped Lilly off at the daycare to find that Bella was not at work yet. When I asked Alice about it she said that Bella's schedule didn't start until 8:45am. That meant that unless I had a late start at the hospital, I would never see Bella in her work environment. My shifts were now 8am until 6pm. Since the daycare closes at 5:30, someone from my family would always be picking her up. Looks like dinner on Friday will be the only time I'll get to meet Bella.

Halfway through my shift I received a text from Rose saying that Bella had accepted the dinner invite. I was suddenly excited and anxious at the possibility of finally meeting her.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Friday's are always hell in the ER, but today was insane. I felt like I'd been doing nothing but running all day. There's only an hour left to my shift and my anxiety has only increased as the day's gone on. Rosalie is taking Lilly home with her since I'll just be meeting them at her house for dinner after running home to freshen up and change. I feel like I'm going on a date, and that's just a ridiculous feeling to have. For Christ's sake, she's just a woman.

_Yeah, just a woman that has changed your daughter for the better and may just do the same for you._

Ok, so maybe I do have high hopes for this meeting, but I'm a 28 year old man; I shouldn't be feeling or acting this way.

Running my hands through my hair I try to settle my nerves as I walk to the nurses station to see if there's anything that needs my attention.

Just as I approach the desk I notice my father walking down the hallway in my direction.

"Edward, just the man I needed to see."

"Hey Dad, what brings you all the way to the ER?"

"Well I was hoping to catch you because I need you to take Dr. Sawyer's shift tonight. He called off complaining of a gastrointestinal illness and you know we can't have him around patients if he could be contagious."

Shit. Not tonight. I'm supposed to meet Bella tonight. I doubt he's sick anyway, it's Friday night and Dimitri has always been a player. I'm sure he's out drinking and looking for a quick fuck. Damn it, why tonight?

"What did he call his illness? Friday-night-itis? You know as well as I do, he's not sick. I'm supposed to go to Emmett's tonight. Isn't there anyone else?" I know it's selfish. I've been off for two months and it's only my third shift back, but I need to meet Bella.

"No, Edward, there's not. I know its last minute, and obviously you had plans, but you can see your family any day of the week. You've been gone for two months and all of these doctors have filled in for you. Now I adore my granddaughter and know you weren't just vacationing all that time, but if the doctors in this department feel they need a day off then I'm going to give it to them."

I felt ashamed of myself. It's one thing to be chastised by your boss, but when that person is also your father; it's like a slap to the face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like a petulant child. I'll make sure either Rose or Alice can keep Lilly tonight."

"Thank you, Edward. Dr. Sawyer was scheduled for a 12 hour shift so you'll be off by 6am. Seeing that you have the weekends off and don't work again until Monday morning I'm sure you'll manage just fine. Have a good night and kiss that daughter of yours for me." With those final words he turned and left.

I love my father and he loves his children, but he takes his job very seriously. It is expected that I do as well, which is true; but it feels like I'll be missing out on something life changing by not going to the dinner tonight.

I pull out my phone and text Rose about the change of plans. Pocketing my phone while waiting for a response, I turn my attention once again to the nurse's station. After determining that we've slowed down for the time being, I decide to take a break and get some dinner before the start of my second shift.

In the cafeteria I grab a turkey sandwich, salad, and water; then find a seat in the corner hoping that I won't be interrupted while on my break.

After a couple of bites my phone vibrates with a response from Rose.

**I'm so sorry you won't be able to make it Edward. Do you need someone to watch Lilly? ~Rose**

**Yes I do. I don't get off till 6am. –E**

I wonder if things go well tonight at dinner, if Rose or Alice would be willing to have Bella over again this weekend. I could certainly do a lunch with the family if it means I get to meet her finally.

**Em and I can watch her for you, that way she can just sleep here and we don't have to move her. What time will you be by to get her? ~Rose**

**I was thinking about noon or 1. I'll have been on shift for 22 hrs and will need sleep. Is that ok? –E**

I'll wait and talk to Alice tomorrow about my plan. I hope things go well tonight.

**That will be fine. Don't worry about Lilly and don't work too hard. See you tomorrow. ~Rose**

**Thanks. Tell Bella I'm sorry I can't make it. Kiss Lilly for me. –E**

After I finish my meal, I head back to the ER. Once there I finish up work on a few charts from earlier in the day and think about ways to finally get a meeting with Bella. It feels imperative that it happen this weekend. Something is just nagging at me about making sure that we meet, and soon.

All too soon I'm interrupted from my work by Dr. Kate Sawyer. She's the sister to Dr. Dimitri Sawyer. I haven't had too many opportunities to interact with her, but she's always seemed nice enough.

"Dr. Cullen, do you have a minute?"

"Sure, Dr. Sawyer, I was just finishing up a few things. How can I help you?"

"Oh, well I've been meaning to do this for a while. Would you want to maybe go out with me tomorrow night? I was thinking maybe just drinks. I know you would have to get back home to your daughter."

I'm not sure how I didn't see that one coming. Maybe in time I would consider dating her. Kate is pretty enough. Shoulder length dark blonde hair, dark blue eyes, and a decent body; but something has always kept me from thinking of her like that. She's certainly not like the other vultures around here, but I know she plays the field a bit and with Lilly in the picture I would need something a little more monogamous. Besides, there's Bella to consider. Maybe I'm fooling myself by holding out until I see if that has potential, but I want to explore that first.

"I'm flattered Kate, really. But I'm not really dating right now, even casually. There's too much going on in my life with Lilly, that it wouldn't be fair to any woman I consider dating. I'm sorry." There maybe that won't offend her.

"Not a problem Edward. Keep me in mind if you do decide it's time though, ok."

Damn, I was hoping she'd just forget about the whole idea. "Well I don't see that happening for a while, but if or when it does, I'll keep you in mind."

"Alright. Well, I'll let you get back to work."

"Thank you. Have a nice night."

Well at least she took that better than some of the other's around here. Two in particular never seem to get the hint. Lauren and Irina have been hounding me since I moved here. I'm just thankful that neither one of them are working tonight. I'm not sure I could deal with them politely on top of a double shift and the disappointment of missing dinner with Bella.

The rest of my shift passed with a steady stream of patients and one emergency appendectomy. After my talk with Kate, I'm more determined than ever to meet Bella. On my drive home the next morning I decide that I will have Alice meet me at Rose's when I go to pick up Lilly. Maybe with their help I can come up with a plan to meet Bella and see if there is potential there. If all went well last night maybe they'll be able to shed some more light into who Bella is as well.

It may be foolish to feel the need to know someone based on what others perceive of them.

If it is, call me a fool.

I need to know Bella Swan.

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**A/N:** Up next is Bella's dinner with the Cullen's. Oh, and if anyone is interested there are image links on my profile for the chapters. Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **I want to apologize for the delay in this chapter. I came down with a typical winter cold and couldn't get my story out through the fog in my brain. I also suffered from a slight case of writers block once I felt better. Needless to say, that's gone now and Bella was ready to share her story. If it's any consolation this chapter is nearly double the length of the last one. It would have been wrong to break it up.

**Reminder: **I have this fic rated M for a reason. I check the profiles for everyone that alerts, favorites or reviews my story. If your age is listed and you're under 18, I would prefer you didn't read this story. I know I can't stop you, but there will be moments in the story later on that are highly inappropriate for anyone under 18. Thank you.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head.**

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**~~Bella~~**

Upon waking the next morning, I noticed that a feeling of hope had settled around me. I know it was from my resolution to let the Cullen family into my life. It also left me terrified.

Opening my heart to others, even minutely, was a guarantee that I would be hurt in some way. I know that most people would argue with me, but when you've been through what I have in life, you stop believing that things will ever be okay.

Growing up I never thought my life would end up this way. I mean, who dreams of a life where they don't really belong to their family? Where the men they've given their heart to, take what they want and then leave. Where just when they think things are finally falling into place, it's all ripped away.

I know that in order to stay in Lilly's life I need to open up to the Cullen's; I just don't know how much I'm willing to share. I won't lie. I've been lied to too much in life and I refuse to do that to others. Part of me just wants to sit down with Alice and Rose and spill my life story; the rest of me is terrified that if I do they'll know I'm unworthy.

I guess that's a risk I'll have to take. I want to be in their lives, in Lilly's life. If I have to share my story with them to do that, then I will. If they reject me now, it will hurt less than if I wait to let them into my heart first.

With my resolve set, I headed to work and another blissful day spent with Lilly and the other babies.

Rosalie was thrilled when I accepted the dinner invitation. She also mentioned that the elusive Edward Cullen would be joining us. I wasn't sure how to take it. Edward was the one person that could shut me out of his daughter's life indefinitely. I could befriend his family all I'd like, but if he felt my love for Lilly was crossing a line then he had every right to keep her from me. Although my nerves and anxiety about the dinner were now increased with the addition of Edward's presence, I had to hope that he was as welcoming and kind as his family.

Sleep that night was restless. I've never really done well with groups of people. I always feel intimidated. Before I've always felt that something was expected of me and I never knew how to deal with that. At least this time I know what is expected. They want to get to know me, figure out if I'm good enough. I know I'm not – good enough, that is – but if they want to get to know me then I won't stop them. I already feel a small bond with Rosalie and Alice, my heart wants to let them in; I just have to give in and let it happen.

The more I dwell on what I'll encounter at Rose's, the more I hope that Edward really does show. I don't know why, but I'm curious about him. He's Lilly's father; that in itself endears him to me. The part of me that I keep buried down deep - wants or rather, hopes - that we'll have the same connection that I share with Lilly.

_Those_ _are dangerous thoughts Bella. You know you can't hope like that. Relationships, love, happiness; they aren't meant for you._

I know, but maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time I can start relationships with people that will last, relationships that will be good for me.

_That's what you thought last time and look how that ended up._

Sighing to myself, I close my eyes and will sleep to overcome me. In less than 24 hours I may or may not be sharing things with people that I haven't shared with anyone. I'll need all the strength I can muster to survive that.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Work has flown by today. Lilly has been in an exceptional mood. Rose and Alice are almost giddy and have been talking non-stop about our gathering this evening. It gives me hope that this will go better than I think it will.

As I'm preparing Lilly to leave, I take one last moment to get my fill of her sweet baby scent. Holding her close, I bury my nose in her neck and tell her how nervous I am.

"My sweet baby girl, I know you don't really understand me, but I'm so scared about tonight. I hope your daddy likes me. I don't know how things are going to go tonight but I hope my fears are proven wrong." I take one last deep breath, letting her calming baby smell envelop my senses and strap her into her carrier just as Rose enters the room.

"Ok, Bella. Dinner is set for 7pm, but if you'd like you can come early; get a feel for your surroundings before everyone shows. I don't want you to be overwhelmed and I could really use some help with Lilly while I get dinner ready." Rose's suggestion actually helps to lessen some of my anxiety. I know just having Lilly in my arms will help to calm my nerves.

"I may actually do that Rose. I have to go change and such, but I'd like to help you out. It really might help with my nerves."

"You don't have anything to be nervous about, but I understand. I don't do all that well around new people either. So just come over whenever. You have directions to the house right?" I nodded, "Good. Lilly and I will see you soon then. Alice will probably be over early as well, but the boys won't be home until closer to seven. See you soon." Rose scooped up Lilly and headed to her car. I looked around my room to make sure everything was put away; I didn't want to come back on Monday morning to a mess. Once I was satisfied, I too made my way home.

After a quick shower, I dried my hair and pulled it into a low ponytail. I considered leaving it down, but then remembered Lilly and didn't feel like coming home with slobber filled hair. That little bug has developed a habit of grabbing my hair and putting it in her mouth, leaving the ends of my hair dripping wet. After applying a light coat of mascara, I call it done.

I chose to wear something a little dressier than I normally would to a gathering like this. I still wanted to be comfortable but wanted to make a good impression. I slipped on my dark jeans and a silky blue blouse with ruffles that cascade down the front. With some jewelry and a pair of black heels, I consider myself as good as I can get. I wouldn't normally wear heels, but my converse don't really go with the outfit. I grab a jacket and the bottle of wine I bought for dinner. I'm not sure about Rose and Alice, but if I'm going to share my story I need liquid courage. Here's hoping one bottle will do.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Walking up to Rosalie's home, I was instantly overcome by a sense of peacefulness. It was a modest two story home, with a stone façade and wrap around porch. There was just something so warm and inviting about the home. It was almost like a feeling of comfort telling me that no matter what was said tonight, it would all be okay in the end.

Just as I lifted my hand to ring the doorbell, the door was thrown open and there stood Alice. She was bouncing in her normal hyperactive-pixie way. If that wasn't enough, my self-confidence took a hit when I saw how beautiful she looked. Alice was wearing a long sleeved grey sweater dress that accentuated her perfect body. To top it off she was wearing a pair of turquoise suede boots that went almost to her knee and had a heel that would have surely killed me had I attempted to wear them. She was stunning. I was hit with a feeling of inferiority and started to wonder what I was doing here. Certainly everyone would see the insecure little girl hiding in the body of a 26 year old woman and realize what a waste of time I was.

I had to push those thoughts away. If that's how they all saw me by the end of the night then so be it. I'm sharing my life with these people and once I've made up my mind to do something, damn it, I'm going to do it.

Alice's squealing brought my mind back to the present, "Bella! I'm so glad you're here!"

I put a smile on my face and greeted Alice warmly. "Hey, Alice. Thank you for including me tonight."

"Of course we did. I've wanted to get you out with us for a while now. Come on in!" Alice stepped aside and let me into the foyer. "Here, let me take your jacket."

Handing Alice my coat, I took the opportunity to look at my surroundings. The inside of Rose's home was just as inviting at the outside. It was all done in warm neutrals with black accents, giving it a modern edge without being cold. What I could see of the furniture, it too was done the same; warm, cozy materials, but in a modern design with accents of black. I may not know Rosalie that well yet and I've never met Emmett, but it fit perfectly with my impressions so far.

"Follow me, Bella. Rose is in the kitchen working on dinner." I followed Alice from the foyer through the living room and into the kitchen. Rose was standing at the counter chopping what appeared to be vegetables for a salad while something simmered on the stovetop. The kitchen was amazing. Black granite countertops with dark cherry cabinetry and stainless steel appliances; it continued the warm feel of the home. Rose was stunning as always in white jeans with a crimson form fitting halter top and matching heels. I fought once again with the intense feelings of inferiority. Any woman walking into this room would take a hit to her confidence. It didn't really make me feel better to think that, but at least I knew others would feel the same as I did.

As I looked around the room I noticed Lilly sleeping soundly in her swing sitting near the entry way for what appeared to be the dinning room.

"Bella! I'm so glad you came early. It'll give us a chance to talk without the guys around."

"Thank you Rose. I brought some wine for dinner, I hope red is ok for what you're making." As I was handing the bottle to Rose a high pitched squeal erupted from the side of the room where Lilly was located.

"What on earth was that? I've never heard that sound from you before Lilly," stated Alice as she crossed the room to check on her.

Rose and I just looked on as Alice tended to Lilly. I know I'd never heard such a sound from her before. It certainly wasn't any of her normal cries. It was almost like she was pissed off or trying to get our attention.

Rose turned back to me and said, "Thank you for the wine, Bella. It wasn't necessary, but it will go perfectly with dinner. We're having spaghetti with salad and bread. I know it's simple but I just wanted to focus more on conversation rather than the food. I hope that's ok."

"That sounds great Rose. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, actually, I'm all set. I think Alice could use some help though," Rosalie said while giggling lightly.

I turned to where Alice was with Lilly and saw the most amusing sight I think I've ever seen. Tiny little Lilly was squirming and wiggling with all her two-month-old-might, giving Alice the fight of her life. You could hear little pissed of grunts coming from Lilly as she tried to work her way out of Alice's grasp. The look on Alice's face was priceless. You could tell she didn't know what to do and didn't understand what was wrong with Lilly. I decided to see if I could help and walked over to where the struggle was taking place.

"Girlie bug, what on earth are you doing? You're going to make Auntie Alice drop you and then your little body will get hurt. We don't want that to happen." As I was talking, Lilly's little legs just started moving faster.

"Take her Bella, I think she's trying to get to you," Alice said while handing a squirming Lilly over to me.

Lilly stopped her squirming instantly and let out an audible sigh as soon as I had a hold of her. Once I had her settled securely in the crook of my arm, Lilly tilted her head slightly and gave me one of her spectacular smiles.

"Oh, you devilish little thing! That wasn't very nice to do to Aunt Alice." I couldn't help but laugh, she had an almost smug look on her face when I turned her to smile toward Alice and Rose.

"I swear Bella, that child is very attached to you. She's been content ever since we came home and has been sleeping for a while now, but the moment you started talking it was like she needed to get to you. It's just too damn cute."

"I don't know why, but I think you're right Rose," I said as I settled myself on one of the bar stools at the counter.

Alice, Rose and I continued to discuss the strange behaviors Lilly has shown over the last few days while finishing up dinner and waiting on the guys to arrive. The girls shared stories about the families many adventures with Lilly in her first two months of life and eventually we were all laughing hysterically about some of the mishaps that occurred whenever one of the guys was given baby duty.

During our conversation Rose said she had received a text from Edward saying that he wouldn't be making it to dinner. A strong wave of disappointment swept through my body. It felt like something had knocked the wind out of me and I could feel a burning behind my eyes alerting me to the presence of tears. It was such a strange reaction to have about a man I'd never met and I turned my face down toward Lilly so Rose and Alice couldn't see my reaction to the news. I knew that I was eager to meet Edward, but I'd never had such a visceral reaction like that before. I wasn't sure what to make of it.

As we were setting the table for dinner the front door opened and two distinctly male voices could be heard coming toward the dinning room.

"Rosie, babe, dinner smells delicious! I'm starved, when are we gonna eat?" boomed who I assumed to be Emmett. He was incredibly handsome and huge. I'm not sure I'd ever encountered a man so large. He was all muscle, with dark hair and bright blue eyes, dressed in his police uniform; he looked so incredibly intimidating that I felt myself backing away slightly. That is until he smiled. His bright smile and adorable dimples just lit up the room and any fear I had of him melted away.

"Lilly bug! Come to Uncle Emmett." He came towards me and scooped Lilly from my arms. Almost immediately she started in with the wiggling and angry sounding grunts. "Whoa there pipsqueak, what's all this about?"

"Em, honey, just give her back to Bella and you'll see what's wrong."

Emmett just raised an eyebrow at his wife but did as she said. Once Lilly was back in my arms she was back to her contented little self.

"Ok, well, that's just bizarre. Hi, Bella, I'm Emmett. Rose has mentioned you and your effect on the pipsqueak, but I've gotta say, that's some pretty crazy shit." Just then Rose came up and smacked Emmett on the back of the head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Don't swear in front of the baby, and go change so we can eat. Dinner is ready." Rose said as she placed the basket of bread on the table.

"Can't change babe, I won't be here long. I've only got enough time to eat and then head back to the station. James called in, so I'm gonna cover his shift tonight."

"What is it with the Cullen men covering everyone's shifts tonight? Your brother got stuck at the hospital too."

"Well that sucks. I would kill to see Eddie's reaction to what his daughter just pulled. Wonder if she'd do the same to him?"

"I guess we'll just have to find out some other time. Now everyone, come on, dinner is served."

As everyone shuffled to the table, I pulled Lilly's swing closer to my seat and strapped her in. "Now little bug you need to be good for a little bit so we can all eat dinner, okay?" I set the swing on low and took my seat.

"You're incredible with her," said a very smooth calm voice from across the table. I looked up and into a pair of very striking steel grey eyes. Ah, this must be Jasper. He too was incredibly handsome with his longer wavy blond hair and slender build. He was dressed in a light blue button down and khaki's with a tan blazer, very much the professional.

"Thank you," I said while I could feel the heat rise into my cheeks.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry; Jazzy, this is Bella. Bella, this is my husband Jasper Whitlock."

We exchanged pleasantries and then everyone started passing around dishes as we all tucked into the meal.

The conversation was light and humorous throughout our meal. Emmett provided unending entertainment with stories about the crazy things he's seen at work. I could tell that they all wanted to ask personal questions, but I think that either Rose or Alice told them not to for now.

Part of me was thankful, because I knew it'd be easier to share my story with Alice and Rose only, but I also wish they'd just get it over with before I lost my nerve.

As the dinner wound down, Emmett excused himself to go back to work saying that it was nice meeting me and that he wanted to be around when I met 'Eddie'. Apparently he thought it would be hilarious if Lilly pushed her own father away for me. I didn't quite see the humor in it, but the glee that could be seen on his face with just the thought, had me giggling.

When Alice got up to start clearing the table I joined her and was quickly told by Rose that I wasn't allowed to help because I was the guest.

"Please let me help. I don't like feeling like a burden. You guys made the dinner, the least I can do is help with the clean up."

"Actually Bella, would you mind getting Lilly ready for bed and give her a bottle? I have a feeling she won't let anyone else do it as long as you're in the house."

"I'd love to Rose," I said as I unhooked Lilly from the swing.

"Great! Here's her bottle. Her room is the second on the right just up the stairs. Everything you'll need is in there, just let me know if you need anything."

After locating her room, I changed Lilly's diaper and dressed her in fuzzy purple jammies. Wrapping her in a beautiful white blanket I found, I settled myself into the rocking chair and nestled Lilly close to my chest to feed her the bottle.

I'm not sure how long I rocked with her in the peaceful silence, but as I did, I let my mind wander. I thought of meeting Edward and of the strange emotions that welled up in me when he didn't come to dinner. I thought of all the things I needed to share with Rose and Alice. I thought of all the ways my life should be different. I was so lost in my own mind that I didn't hear anyone enter the room.

"Bella? Are you alright?" I looked up, startled by the break in the silence of the room, and saw Jasper standing just inside the doorway.

"Oh! Um…yeah, I'm fine. I'm just waiting to make sure Lilly is good and asleep before I put her down." I stated with a hushed voice, not wanting to awaken the sleeping angel in my arms.

"That's fine. You really are wonderful with her." He shifted slightly and looked down at the floor beneath his feet. Looking back up, he locked his gaze with mine, "Bella? Did Alice mention to you what I do for a living?"

"Yes." Where exactly is this line of questioning going?

"Well I just wanted you to know, that if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'd be glad to be there for you. Alice has mentioned to me her concern for you, and after watching you tonight I understand what she means."

"Oh…" I wasn't sure how to react to that. My heart wanted to be thankful that there were people that seemed to care enough about me to worry, my brain on the other hand, was a little pissed that they were talking about me behind my back.

"Please don't be offended, it all comes from a good place. Alice cares about you. In fact I'd wager a guess that my whole family is going to love you sooner rather than later. Just know that you don't need to hide from us. I can see the pain and darkness in your eyes. I know something bad has happened to you and you've been severely disappointed by the people in your life. I see things like this every day; I don't want you to give up on your dreams or your life because of it." He sighed deeply and then continued.

"Anyway, I just came up here to say goodbye. I have an early day tomorrow and a couple of cases to review tonight before hand. The girls are still downstairs finishing up the dishes. If you don't feel you can open up to them, and don't feel comfortable with me; I can refer you to a colleague of mine. Don't keep it bottled up, the emotions will express themselves eventually and it won't be just a few tears shed in a quiet room. Think about it, please?"

I just nodded, unable to speak through the lump in my throat. Jasper came into the room and kissed Lilly on the head while squeezing my hand in a comforting gesture. "It's all going to be okay, I promise," he said before turning and leaving just as quietly as he came.

I leaned down to bury my face in Lilly's blanket, breathing deeply and hoping that her scent would calm the flood of emotion threatening to overcome me. Once I was calm enough to hold the tears back, I put Lilly in her crib with one last kiss to her tiny head. On my way out of the room I grabbed the baby monitor and flipped it on, shutting the door gently behind me. With a deep, steadying breath, I made my way downstairs. It was time to have a sit down with the girls and purge some of the ugliness inside me.

**~~~D~W~~~**

After making my way into the kitchen where Alice and Rose were just finishing up, I asked them if they'd like to sit and chat while enjoying the wine I brought. There must have been a look on my face that indicated this would be no lighthearted chat, because Alice and Rose glanced at each other before slowly nodding their consent.

Fearing my emotions were going to surface, I just thanked them and made my way to the living room. Kicking off my shoes and curling into myself, I sat in the corner of the sofa hugging my knees to my chest and laid my head down on them, staring at the fire that had been started in the fireplace.

A short time later Rose and Alice joined me. Handing me my glass and placing the bottle on the coffee table. Alice sat at the opposite end of the sofa while Rose took a seat in the chair next to me.

After it became evident that no one was going to speak first, which I must say is a new development for Alice as far as I know, I took a deep breath and steadied myself to tell my story.

"I know that you both have questions for me, things that any normal person would share when getting to know someone, but before I let you ask them there are things I need to share with you. So please, let me get it out before you say anything, because I don't think I'll be able to do it otherwise." I looked at both of them so they could see how serious I was. Before I continued, I could tell Rosalie wanted to say something.

"Rose, please say whatever you need to before I start."

"Bella, I don't want you to share things you're not comfortable with. There's no need. Both Alice and I have been able to tell that there are things bothering you, but we don't want to push you in anyway."

"I know. I can tell that neither of you would push me…much," I glanced at Alice when I said that, "but…after speaking with Jasper earlier I realized that I need to let some of this out before it kills me. The two of you are the closest I've had to friends in a long time, if I can't share my story with you then I'll never be able to share it."

"If you're sure, then we'll listen. Bella, you _are_ our friend and you already mean so much to our family. Even without Lilly, I know you would belong with us. We were meant to be friends." This came from Alice and I wanted so much to believe her. I guess the only way to know for sure is to get it out and see what happens.

"Thank you, for agreeing to listen. The things I'm about to share with you, I've only really shared with a couple of people before. And some of it no one knows about." I wish I had Lilly to hold onto while doing this, I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my emotions in check otherwise. Searching the room for something to help, I spot one of her blankets on the loveseat. Retrieving it and returning to my seat, I hold the blanket to my face and inhale. It's not perfect but it will help.

"Sorry, I just needed something of Lilly's to calm me. The effect I have around her is mutual; she calms me just as much as I calm her." Both Rose and Alice nod in understanding and so I begin my story.

"After hearing about your family the other day, I realize how lacking mine is. My father, Charlie Swan, is a drunk. My mother divorced him just before I was two years old, the last time I saw him was when I was seven and he was so drunk he didn't know who I was. I haven't seen or heard from him since. Last I knew he lived in Tennessee somewhere. I don't really care. My thoughts are that if he couldn't stay sober enough to acknowledge his own daughter then he's not worth it.

"My mother, Renee Dwyer, remarried when I was three. Phil is an alright guy but I'm not his child so he's always been indifferent to me. My sister, Leah, was born five months before my fourth birthday. From that day on it was almost as if I didn't exist. It only got worse two years later when my brother, Seth, was born. As I said, Phil was indifferent toward me, and once he had his own children; I disappeared from his view all together.

"Renee became consumed by Phil and their kids. It wasn't that I was treated badly, I just didn't exist. Leah and Seth were given love and affection on a daily basis, given anything they asked for and doted on by two parents who loved them very much. By the age of six I was taking care of myself. If I didn't get myself dressed, bathed, fed; then it wouldn't happen. When we were all in school, Leah and Seth were driven to and from, while I had to ride the bus. I tried participating in after school sports and clubs, but after a month of having to walk home because no one would remember to pick me up, I quit. There were a few times before I quit when Leah would have something after school too. We would both be there waiting for a ride; Leah would be talking with her friends while I sat and read a book to pass the time. Renee would pull up, Leah would get in the car and the car would pull away before I was able to gather my things to leave. Things like that would happen all the time.

"There were never any 'I love you's.' No comforting when I was sick. The last straw, the moment I split ties with my mother and stepfather for good, was my high school graduation. I held out hope that they would show, that they would acknowledge me in some way. They didn't. When I got home, they were nowhere to be found. I waited hours for them to come home. When they did, they were all laughing and happy. I was told that they went to the beach and I 'should've come'. When I told my mother that I couldn't have gone to the beach because I was busy graduating high school, she just said, 'oh, well maybe next time then.' Seth was the only one to congratulate me. He was twelve and the only family member to register the importance of the day. I couldn't blame him for any of it; he was too young to do anything about it.

"I left my family that day. I packed my things, got in the car I'd purchased with my own money, and left. I wound up getting student loans and attending Michigan State University where I graduated with an English degree in three years. I never took summers off; I worked and went to school. I didn't develop relationships with anyone. I didn't figure there was a point. If my own family was unable to love me, why would anyone else." At this point a few tears streamed down my cheeks; burying my face in Lilly's blanket I took deep breaths and tried to stifle the flow of emotions trying to break loose.

"I had no idea what to do with my life at that point. I moved back to Ann Arbor and got a job in a doctor's office as a receptionist. It had nothing to do with my degree but it paid well and I needed work. It was there that I met Jake.

"Jacob Black turned out to be the son of a man that was friends with my father, Charlie. We never knew each other, but Jake knew more about Charlie than I did. We started out as friends. After all my family had done to me, I wasn't willing or able to start any kind of romantic relationship with anyone. I truly felt incapable of being loved. After several years of getting to know Jake, I decided to let him in. He'd wanted a relationship with me for a long time; I felt I knew everything there was to know about him so on my 24th birthday in 2007, I agreed to date him.

"We took things very, very slow. It was a very gradual build. I was never ready to give myself to him and he never seemed to pressure me. I knew I was still keeping my distance because of my past. We had been together for over a year when in December of 2008 I decided that it was time to drop the last of my walls and give my body to Jake. I was ready for the next step. I loved him and he said he loved me. Before I could let him in on my decision, he started to pull away. I knew Jake's past battles with alcohol, depression and anger, but he promised me he was managing all of it. In January of 2009 he told me that he couldn't do it anymore. He said 'I still love you but I can't love you.' He used his issues as his reasoning. Claimed that there was nothing I could do or could've done to change things. I didn't believe him. I knew that if I had let him in sooner, if I'd given him my virginity like he wanted early on then we'd still be together. I was devastated. I stayed in my bed for a week, until a friend from work called and told me that if I didn't come back they were going to fire me.

"I pushed all of those feelings away, buried them deep within myself. I went back to work a shell of a person. I didn't know how to cope. The only person in 25 years to show me any kind of affection, couldn't love me back. I floated through life at that point. Doing what was necessary to keep my job, but I didn't do anything more. In March of that year I ran into Tyler Crowley at the grocery store. He was a friend I gained through Jake. He said he was concerned about me and wanted to know if I needed someone to talk to. I agreed because talking to him kept a connection open to Jake. I needed that connection.

"Over the next five months, Tyler and I developed a very close relationship which had quickly turned into a romantic one. In September of 2009, Tyler's job transferred him to Chicago. He said he wanted me to still be his girlfriend and would do the long distance thing; that he loved me and maybe if everything worked out with his job, I could find a job in Chicago too. After he'd been gone for two weeks he asked me to come visit him, so I took a long weekend from work and went to Chicago. I knew driving out there that I would give myself to him. I wasn't going to wait anymore, I did that with Jake and he left me.

"That weekend I gave Tyler my virginity. The sex wasn't pleasurable at all. I didn't know what I was doing and Tyler seemed to want to do nothing other than pound into me. We wound up having sex seven times over the span of two days. Every time, except for the first, he wouldn't even wait for all of my clothes to come off, he'd just remove my pants and underwear and pound into me hard and fast; once done, he'd get up to remove the condom and leave the room without saying a word to me. By the time I got home, after my four hour drive, I was so sore and stiff that I hurt for a week afterwards.

"After that weekend Tyler stopped calling. I left messages for him on his cell, but he never returned them. After three weeks had passed I looked up his home phone number, realizing he never gave it to me and called him. A woman answered. Finding out her name was Lauren and demanding to speak with Tyler, she finally put him on the phone. He said that the relationship was never important to him and that I sucked in bed. Said he didn't blame Jake for dumping me and that I was too clingy. I'd been fucked and dumped.

"I realized that I never really loved Tyler but that didn't make the situation hurt any less. Vowing to myself never to get into another relationship, I came to the conclusion that all I'd ever wanted in life - a loving husband and family – would never be possible for me. I could never trust those that said they loved me because it always turned out to be a lie. I would forever be alone."

I could feel the tears soaking through my jeans where I rested my head. I wasn't sure I could get through the next part without losing it completely, but I couldn't stop now. Clutching Lilly's blanket to my chest, I pushed forward.

"The first week in November, a month and a half since my weekend with Tyler, I woke up with excruciating abdominal pain. I decided to go into work and have one of the doctor's there check me over. After a short exam they determined that I must have appendicitis and sent me straight to the ER. In the ER they did the standard abdominal exam, took blood and had me give a urine sample; along with asking me if I could be pregnant. I started to answer no, but then I remembered one of the times I'd been with Tyler had been without a condom, he told me he pulled out in time but that didn't mean anything. Telling the nurse that it could be a possibility allowed a spark of hope to light in my chest. I had dreams of a beautiful baby boy and prayed that I was pregnant so that at least I could have that part of my future back.

"When the nurse came back she told me that I was indeed pregnant. I was so happy, I can't even describe it. They immediately brought in a portable ultrasound to determine that I was in fact pregnant and to examine my appendix. After an agonizingly long amount of time the doctor turned off the machine and told the nurses to call and have an OR prepped. Turning to address me, I knew immediately something was wrong. It turns out that although I was pregnant, it was ectopic. There was no way to save the pregnancy, no way to save my baby." I could hear sobs coming from Rose and Alice, but couldn't stop talking.

"After I came to in recovery, the doctor's informed me that the surgery wasn't as routine as it should have been. My fallopian tube ruptured just before they were able to remove the fetus. There was an extensive amount of bleeding that they had to take care of, which coupled with the rupture has left the left ovary and fallopian tube non-functional. My chances of ever having a baby have been reduced to half of what they were." I could no longer continue. The sobs that wracked my body were more painful than any I'd experienced. I could feel arms around me but couldn't find the strength to acknowledge them.

I'm not sure how long I cried. It could have been minutes, hours or even days. When my tears finally slowed enough for me to be coherent, I realized that I was lying on the sofa in the fetal position with my head in Rosalie's lap, my face buried in her stomach, while she ran her hands through my hair and along my face in a soothing manner. Alice was lying behind me clutching my body to her chest, as if she was holding me together. I shifted, alerting Alice of my desire to sit up. Once upright I was sandwiched between Rosalie and Alice, each of them clutching almost desperately to one of my hands.

"I spent the month after that in a deep depression. I never went back to work. I never left my house. I rarely ate or slept. I would spend my days lying in bed staring at the wall. In mid December my brother came to my apartment. He demanded that I get up, told me that I had to make a change in my life. My 20 year old brother, the only one to ever act like I existed, told me he loved me and didn't want to see me waste away. With his help, we decided that the best thing was for me to get as far away from Michigan as I could. That's how I wound up here. I didn't bring anything with me that I couldn't fit in my car."

Rose and Alice were completely silent. If both of my hands weren't occupied by theirs I wouldn't know they were there. I knew this would happen. I knew once I told them they'd realize I'm not worth their time either.

"I want to thank you for listening. I know this changes everything. You don't have to worry about what you're going to say. I know I'm not worth caring for. I know that there will never be love, happiness, friends or family in my life. I've learned to accept that. I'll speak with Victoria on Monday and let her know I won't be working there anymore. I'll be out of your lives and Lilly's life. You won't have to worry about me any longer." With a choked sob, I pushed myself off the couch. I needed to get away as fast as possible.

Before I could even take a step I was engulfed in a massive hug by both Alice and Rosalie.

"Oh, God, Bella. You don't have to leave. We still love you. Please, sit back down so we can talk about this," Rose squeaked out while trying to contain her sobs.

I just sat back down on the sofa and stared at my clasped hands in my lap. I couldn't look at them. I didn't want to see pity. I knew this is what my life had become; I don't need to be pitied for it.

"Bella, look at me please." I couldn't ignore the pleading in Alice's voice.

When I looked at her face it was filled with nothing but anger and sorrow. There was something else, but I couldn't tell what it was. I'd never seen that look before.

"I can't even begin to tell you how very wrong you are. You _do_ deserve to be loved, you _do_ deserve a family, you _do_ deserve to have friends, and most importantly you _do_ deserve to be happy." Alice's voice was fierce and determined; there was no way she was going to allow me to think otherwise.

"Bella, if you will open yourself to us, diminish those walls of yours; _we_ will be all of those things for you. We will love you, we _do_ love you. We will be your family, your friends, provide you with the happiness that you so rightly deserve." I couldn't allow myself to believe the words Rose was speaking; it would kill me if they turned out to be lies.

Rose grabbed my face with her hands to stop me from shaking my head in disagreement.

"Stop it! Stop shaking your head. You need to let us in, we can help you. It will take time, but we _will_ right the wrongs that have been committed against you."

Alice chose that moment to throw her empty wine glass at the fireplace. "I can't even explain how infuriated I am right now. No one deserves to be treated the way you've been treated. Your parents had no right to emotionally neglect a child just because you were born during a relationship neither one of them should have been in to begin with. It is not your fault that your father is a drunk or that your mother neglected you, that is all on them. It is not your fault that the first person you allow to love you and love in return has so many problems of his own that he can't help you with yours. It is certainly not your fault that someone you thought of as a friend, preyed upon you when you were most vulnerable and then proceeded to do little more than rape you repeatedly. It is not your fault that a child you wanted desperately was not meant to be."

Alice continued to pace, clenching her fists over and over, while tears streamed down her face.

"None of this is your fault do you understand me? And while I wish that nothing had ever happened to you, that you grew up with a wonderful family and were able to find the man of your dreams to start a family with; if none of that had happened you wouldn't be here. I know you were meant to be here. We were meant to be your family; I can feel it deep down in my soul. It was evident three days ago that at the very least Lilly needs you. She doesn't have a mother, no one has bonded with her the way you have, except for Edward. Don't you see? You were meant for us." Finally done with her tirade Alice slumped down onto the sofa and pulled me into her side.

"I'm scared Alice. I'm scared to let people in. I'm scared that if I do, it'll all be lies again. How am I supposed to know you won't hurt me too? How do I know you won't change your mind about me being in Lilly's life and shut me out? I don't think I could survive anymore heartache and loss. There was a point after I lost the baby that I considered ending it all, ending my life. I don't want to get to that point again. How can you guarantee that won't happen?" My sobs were once again becoming uncontrollable.

"Oh, honey, there are very few guarantees in life. If anyone knows that, it's you. However, I promise to always be here for you and I know Rose will be too. I can also promise that once you get to know the rest of the family, the same can be said for them as well. The first step to rid yourself of your fear is what you did tonight. Let us in. Tell us when something's bothering you and if there is anyway we can help. You will never be alone in this again, that I can guarantee."

I know she's right. I've felt the connection to both her and Rose from the first day I met them, it got even stronger when Lilly came into my life. I had a lot to think about, a lot to process and to do that I needed some space. Hugging Alice tightly, I whispered my thanks. Turning to Rose, I did the same.

"I think we've all had way too much heavy conversation for one night. I'm sorry to burden you both with it but I feel a little lighter now that someone else knows." Yawning loudly I decided it was time to leave. "I'm going to head home; I'm too exhausted to talk anymore tonight."

"You don't have to go, Bella. You can stay here in our guest room. Emmett won't mind, and you will be able to see Lilly in the morning."

"Thank you for the offer Rose, but I really need to be alone for a little while. I have a lot to think about. But I do want to go say goodbye to Lilly before I leave, if that's okay."

"It's not a problem at all. That little girl loves you."

"Thank you. I'll be down in just a minute."

Walking back up to Lilly's room, my steps were heavy with the emotions I'd experienced tonight.

Lilly was still sleeping soundly as I crept toward her crib to whisper my love before leaving.

"I hope you're having peaceful dreams, little one. I just want you to know that no matter what happens from here on out, I will always love you. You may not be my daughter biologically, but you are the child of heart. I love you with all that I am, sleep well my sweet baby girl. I will see you soon." With one last glance at her angelic little face, I turned and left the room, unsure of what tomorrow holds.

Once back in the safety of my motel room, I sent a text to Rose as she requested, letting her know I made it back safe. Changing into sweats and a t-shirt, I climbed under the covers and let the emotional exhaustion overtake me. It was the first night in sometime that I didn't dream.

**~~~D~W~~~**

I spent my Saturday in quiet contemplation. There was so much to think about. I told the girls that if they felt the need to share my story or parts of it with their family then they were welcome to. I knew I wouldn't be able to tell it again and if these people were supposed to be in my life then they deserved to know, I didn't want to keep it secret from them. And while the voice in my head told me not to trust, not to believe; the voice in my heart grew louder and louder throughout the day. It wanted me to trust Alice, to believe in my gut instinct telling me that this is right. The Cullen's were meant to be in my life, and just maybe everything has led to this, to them. And despite all the pain I've been through, maybe I've finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometime in the late afternoon I received a text from Alice asking me to lunch the following day. I immediately agreed. She said Edward was going to be there and he really wanted to meet me. That brought a smile to my face. I couldn't wait to meet him. I felt like my life was about to change.

I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point from when I began my story to now, my fear has changed. I am still cautious, but no longer afraid. I have to take risks if my life is going to change, fear will keep me from doing that.

It feels like the puzzle pieces that have been missing so long from my life, the ones I thought I'd never find, are finally within my reach.

When I grab hold you can bet I'll never let go.

* * *

**A/N**: Some people have inquired about everyone's ages in this story so here's the run down. Ages are as of March 19th, 2010: Edward, 28. Bella, 26. Rosalie, 30. Emmett, 33. Alice, 25. Jasper, 28.

The next chapter will be Edward's discussion with Alice and Rose. Will he still want to know Bella after he finds out more of her past?


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Here's the last chapter before E&B meet. There will be lots of stuff happening once the meeting is done with. Bella's backstory is pretty much complete, now it's time for her to embrace her future.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head.**

**

* * *

****~~Edward~~**

Dry mouth, sweaty palms, racing heart…I'm nervous.

_Jesus, Edward, calm the fuck down. You're just picking up Lilly and having a talk with your sisters. What in the hell is wrong with you?_

Christ, I don't know. Things are about to change; I can feel it. Something is happening that will affect me for the rest of my life and I can't quite tell if it's a good thing, or a bad thing.

I called Alice this morning and asked her to meet me at Rose's when I went to pick up Lilly. She sounded off, almost…sad. When I asked her what was wrong; she evaded the question, telling me I would find out soon.

What am I supposed to make of that? Was there something going on between her and Jasper? Rose and Emmett? Oh my God, Lilly? Was something wrong with my baby girl? No. My family wouldn't keep something like that from me. So what could it be then? Bella? Oh, no…is that it? There's something wrong with Bella.

Why does that thought send my heart plummeting into my stomach?

_Because you've already committed so much of yourself to a woman you've never met. Idiot._

No, I haven't. I only want to know about her and get to know her because she's obviously become a significant part of Lilly's life. I'm only curious because of my daughter.

_Yeah, you keep right on telling yourself that._

Fine, I do feel drawn to her. It's only because she shares a strong connection with Lilly. That's the only logical explanation. I do not have feelings for a stranger.

_We will see. _

Oh, shut up! I can't believe I'm arguing with myself about this. I won't know what's really going on until I talk with the girls, and I can't do that unless I get out of the car.

_So grow a pair, stop wasting time sitting in Rose's driveway, and get your ass inside. Jesus, you can really be a dumb shit sometimes._

Ugh! This woman has turned me into a raving lunatic and I don't even know her. What on earth will I be reduced to when I do?

I guess there is only one way to find out, but in order to do that I have to talk to my sisters first.

**~~~D~W~~~**

"Edward! I'm so glad to see you! I feel like it's been ages since we've talked," squealed my pixie of a sister.

"I'm happy to see you too, Alice. You do realize it's only been a couple of days since we last saw each other?" I pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead. She may be an annoying shit at times but I love her dearly.

"Oh, I know, but so much has happened since then," I watched as her face fell into a mask of sadness and pain, "so much has changed."

What could've possibly caused my sister so much heartache? "Alice, can you please tell me what's going on? I could tell something was wrong this morning when we talked. Now I can tell by your face that something is really wrong. Please, you're starting to worry me."

"Rose is just putting Lilly down for a nap. Let's have some lunch, and then the three of us will sit down and have a chat. There are some things you need to know." Alice let out a heavy sigh and turned toward the kitchen. Something is very wrong. The sinking feeling in my chest is becoming more painful and I have a nagging suspicion that what I'm about to hear will affect me greatly.

After a quick meal where both Rose and Alice tried – but failed – to keep the conversation light; I found myself struggling to keep my composure.

I was sitting in Rose's living room, clutching desperately at my hair, trying to keep the rage inside me from exploding. I needed to destroy something or someone. The torrent of emotions flooding my body has thrown me into a tailspin.

"I…w-wha…how…," I took a couple deep breaths trying in vain to regain some composure.

"I don't even know what to think right now. How is it possible for one person to endure so much and still be ok? God…I don't…I can't…" I stood from my spot on the sofa and started to pace. I couldn't even begin to comprehend how people could do the things that have been done to Bella.

Alice and Rose explained to me the outrageously neglectful condition in which Bella was raised. Being a new parent myself I can't even fathom deciding along the way to ignore my child, to not even provide the most basic forms of nurturing and parental love. How do you not love your child? I don't understand.

Then to be thrown away by the first person to show affection only to be emotionally and physically raped by a monster spewing venomous lies. I don't care if she was a willing participant in the physical act. The moment he took his pleasure without considering the emotional and physical needs of the goddess giving up her body, he became a rapist in my mind.

The emotional blow she received to top it all off – the loss of her child – would have been enough to torture even the most emotionally stable of women. But for Bella to experience that, after all she'd already endured, is incomprehensible to me.

Hearing what her life has been like, has only served to ensconce Bella deeper into my heart. I feel this irrational need to protect her, to prove to her what love should really consist of. My Bella should feel wanted, needed, loved, and above all cherished.

_My Bella? What the fuck?_

I don't care anymore if it's crazy or wrong. I need to show her what life should have been like for her. Even if there are no romantic possibilities with her, she needs to know what happiness is. I intend to be the one to show her, even if we're only friends, I'll be there for her always.

_Don't fool yourself Edward. You already feel an unnatural pull toward her without knowing her. You know deep down you are hoping for a romantic attachment._

I won't deny that it would be ideal. She loves Lilly, Lilly loves her; it's more than Tanya ever exhibited. More than I'd expect from any other woman going into a relationship with a single father.

Alice's voice broke me from my inner torment. "That's just the thing Edward. Bella is far from ok. She puts up a really good front, but if you'd seen the despair in her eyes, you would know how broken she is. My God, the pain radiating from her was hard to bare. It made me physically ill to listen to her story and watch the demons swirl behind her eyes." Alice's eyes filled with tears and she fought to control her emotions yet again.

"Alice is right, Edward, it was nearly impossible to be in the same room, let alone begin to comprehend even a small part of what she's been through," Rose struggled to say while trying to control her emotions as well. "The thing is though, she _needed_ us to listen. She needed us to try and understand. I don't think there is anyone else that really knows the whole story. We have to prove our worth to her so she'll begin to trust."

"Why do you think Bella felt comfortable enough to share such intimate details of her life with you? What prompted her to open up?" That's one aspect of all this I wasn't clear on. If she's so tortured and mistrusting, why did she feel the need to share to begin with?

"Lilly. Lilly is the reason Bella shared what she did last night. Lilly is the reason she told us to share her story with the rest of the family. Lilly is the only thing that is keeping her together. I can't help but believe that Lilly is the one reason Bella hasn't decided to end her suffering."

"What do you mean, Alice? How is my daughter a part of this?" Instinctively I knew Alice was right. There is a bond between Lilly and Bella; I'm just not seeing how that has helped Bella open up.

"It took me a little bit to figure it out, but after everything settled last night, it all started to fall into place. Lilly and Bella share a bond, a bond that Bella has never had in her life with anyone…true love. Bella is fated to be in Lilly's life and vice versa. I can't help but believe that, because of her insecurities, Bella felt she _had_ to share her story with Lilly's family…with us. That if she didn't befriend us, didn't work her way into our family, Lilly would be ripped out of her life. I'm not so sure she could survive that. Bella alluded to thoughts of suicide in her past, I'm not sure it would take much to force her back into that mind set."

My heart stopped with Alice's words. I wanted to prevent Bella from experiencing any further pain, but at the same time, if Bella was so emotionally damaged; was it safe for Lilly to be around her?

"Guys, if you really believe that, that Bella could slip so far under her pain to feel suicide is her only option; is Lilly really safe with her? I want to be the last one to cause Bella anymore turmoil, but my daughter takes priority. I need to know that she is safe. Are you sure that Bella won't suffer a mental break and take my daughter from me?" The same sensation that drew me to Bella was telling me that she would never do such a thing, but I needed to know that my child would be safe.

"No, Edward, I don't believe anything like that would ever happen. The impression Bella gave off was one of complete self-loathing. She truly believes that love and happiness are not options for her. Bella believes that everything happens because of something she's done wrong. Her heart has guided her to us because of Lilly. We are meant to help her. If something were to threaten her relationship with Lilly, Bella would blame herself only. She'd believe that Lilly was better off and was taken from her life because her actions caused it."

"Rose is right, Edward. We've also both witnessed how Bella is with, not only Lilly, but the other babies in her care as well. She's selfless when it comes to the children. The wellbeing of the child is her priority. I think that if something was to cause us to remove Lilly from Bella's care, she would believe it was because she had failed."

Alice took a deep breath and continued, "She's meant to be a part of our family Edward. I truly feel it was fate that sent her here. She could have gone anywhere to get away. There are plenty of other places just as far from her home as Forks is. California is probably even farther depending on the city she went to, but she came here. She arrived in Forks the day your daughter was born. She obtained a job at the daycare where your family works. It can't all be a coincidence. We have been fated to provide her with a family, with trust; but Edward, I think you are the one that is supposed to show her love and happiness. Call me crazy, but I feel it in my soul. Bella is your match, my sister and Lilly's mother. It's up to us to prove it to her."

If Alice had been speaking about anyone else I would be talking to Dad right now about having her committed. However, I too had been feeling a profound connection to Bella. Denial isn't even an option anymore; my intense emotional reaction to her story is proof of that. My concern is getting Bella to believe in me, in my family; without causing her to run.

"I won't deny that I feel some strange connection to Bella. I've felt an intense need to meet her and find out everything there is to know about her from the very first day Rose called me and made me aware of her connection to Lilly. I want to meet her, but I don't want to scare her off. I know I could just make it a point to pick Lilly up from daycare and meet her then, but I want to be able to spend time with her where she'll be comfortable. I was thinking that maybe you could invite her over for lunch or something tomorrow and I could meet her then. Do you think that would work?"

"Actually, Edward, I think that would be perfect. She's been here before so that should at least add a modicum of comfort for her. Besides, I have a feeling that she's just as eager to meet you as well."

"Why do you say that, Rose?"

"Well, because when I informed her last night that you wouldn't be joining us for dinner; her face fell. She turned her head away trying to hide her reaction but before she could I saw the disappointment on her face. I would bet she's feeling the same unknown connection to you that you are to her and doesn't have any idea what it means."

I felt my heart start to race. If Bella felt even a watered down version of the connection I do, we are on the precipice of something life altering. Now I just have to make sure I don't fuck it up. Bella is fragile right now; rushing into something she's not prepared for will halt any relationship between us before it starts.

I needed to prepare and I needed to do that alone. As good intentioned as my sister's are, I'm the one that will have to survive a first meeting with Bella. The connection between us has the potential to go remarkably well or catastrophically wrong.

"I want to thank you both for talking this out with me. I know Bella's revelations have been very difficult on you both; I know it's been hell for me. I'm going to gather up my daughter and head home. I have a lot to think about and consider before tomorrow. Let me know if she doesn't accept the invite." With that said, I stood to gather Lilly's belongings.

After strapping my still sleeping daughter in her carrier, I say my goodbyes and head home. Lilly and I need to have a little father-daughter chat. Whether she knows it or not, Lilly holds the key to keeping Bella in our lives.

**~~~D~W~~~**

The rest of my afternoon was spent in deep contemplation and a struggle of wills between my heart and my head.

Logic and reality seemed to be key points my head was throwing onto the debate table. The reality of our situation was a fragile one. Bella was broken and fragile. There would be a lot of work to be had, trust to be gained, and sacrifices made; mostly by me. All of that would require patience. I'm not a very patient man.

My logical brain wanted me to ignore the gut wrenching connection we shared and understand that I can't use that feeling as basis for a relationship. My analytical nature scoffed at the idea of fate, soul mates and mystical connections. The educated man that lived in my head understood how ridiculous all of those notions are; my heart however, didn't want to hear any of it.

The sappy romantic I kept buried wanted nothing more that to believe in it all. That part of my self wanted the whole deal; wife, kids, a dog. Who was I to question where our connection stemmed from. Where's the proof the fates do not exist. Who's to say Bella isn't my soul mate.

Sometime in the early evening, the epic battle of heart and head was interrupted by a phone call from Jasper.

"Hey man. How've you been?" It'd been a while since my last opportunity to speak with Jasper. He may be my brother-in-law, but he's also a psychologist and I haven't felt like being analyzed. I know he means well, but ever since Tanya skipped town, he's tried to have more heart to hearts with me.

"I'm good Ed. How's your beautiful daughter?" Ah, so he's going to lead into it tonight. Start with the baby, good move.

"She's getting bigger everyday. So what is it you called for? I'm not trying to rush you but it'll be time to get Lilly ready for bed soon." See, I can use the baby too.

"Actually this won't take long. I wanted to talk to you about Bella."

What…um…huh? I wasn't expecting that. I figured he'd know it all from Alice, but what did he want to talk to me about? It may actually help though. Maybe he'll have some tips on how to handle the situation.

"Um…okay. What about Bella?"

"Alice told me about both her talk with Bella last night and the discussion with you today. She also mentioned to me her theories on the role Bella will play in our lives. I don't necessarily see eye to eye with her, but I do think it's a good idea to gain Bella's trust."

"Go on…"

"When I first saw Bella last night I knew right away that there was a great deal of pain she was holding inside. I sought her out after dinner while she was rocking Lilly to sleep. She had tears streaming down her face as I watched her from the doorway. I spoke with her briefly about seeking me out if she ever needed to talk, or to at least talk with the girls.

"I'm happy that she did because I don't think she's ready to seek professional help. Our family needs to help her develop trust in people again. Without trust she'll never be ready to open up to a therapist. I'm hoping the family will become a safe haven for her. She will need to see someone professionally in the future. The long term damage done by her family is not easily healed by a few friends and your daughter." Jasper let out a sigh and before I could speak he continued.

"Ed, would you consider getting a nanny for Lilly?" What the hell?

"I don't know. What's with the abrupt subject change?"

"I think it would be a good idea, and I think you should consider Bella for it."

"Whoa. I don't even know her yet and well…what if I want to start a relationship with her at some point? Wouldn't that be a little odd to start dating the nanny?"

"Hear me out okay?" Is he trying to give me a heart attack? I don't want the added drama of dating the nanny, and I'm sure Bella wouldn't be comfortable with all the gossip it would cause.

"Alright, go ahead." I have no idea where he's going with this.

"As a professional I'm worried about Bella's wellbeing. The look in her eyes told me just how deep her depression is. She's one or two incidents away from the point of no return. When I drove through town today I noticed her car sitting in the parking lot of the Pacific Inn Motel and thought it was odd. Slightly concerned I did some digging and it turns out that Bella has been staying there since she got into town." Why would anyone want to live in a motel?

"For two months she's closed herself off from everyone except for the hours she's at work. Even then, most of her day is spent alone with only the babies for company. If she continues to isolate herself it won't matter how much we try and help her. Bella's isolation allows her time to retreat back into her head and undo any progress we may make.

"I'm thinking that we can use her love for Lilly to our advantage. If you were to offer her a room in your home on the premise of helping you with Lilly, it would force her into social interaction. It would keep her engaged with people she can begin to trust. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"Yeah, Jasper I do, but that still doesn't help the whole relationship issue. I know Alice told you about the connection I feel toward Bella. How would that work if she lived with me as an employee?"

"A relationship with Bella has to be crafted slowly and with great trust. In order to build one with her, assuming she'll be open to one, it needs to be built around constant interaction. With your work schedule and Lilly, that would be unlikely without cohabitation. If she was in your home you would be her one constant outside of Lilly, helping to build at the very least a strong friendship.

"You can get around the employee thing by not making her the nanny. Just offer her the room for a small rent and helping out with Lilly when needed. She's not likely to turn down caring for Lilly. Their bond is remarkable to watch."

Jasper had valid points. There's no way I can consider it now though. I need to meet Bella first, maybe spend a few casual meetings at the daycare or with one of the girls to get to know her a little. Nothing would push her away quicker that a strange man asking her to move in with him the first day they meet.

"I'll give it some thought. Why does this mean so much to you anyway?" Not that I'm not happy for the suggestion but it seems odd for Jasper to get so involved this quickly.

"Well Alice is really concerned about her," ah, the pixie; I should've known, "the other reason is that I don't want to be called down to the ER because of a suicide attempt and find out its Bella. I may not know her very well, but there is something incredibly special about her. She pulls people in and doesn't even realize it. If I can help to save a life like hers then I'm going to do it."

After another few minutes speaking with Jasper, we say our goodbyes.

The never ending torrent of thoughts and emotions is taking its toll on my mind and body. I feel like I've just completed a 36 hour shift after running a marathon. There are so many issues to be dealt with and I'm lost. Deciding that no decision can be made with out first meeting Bella, I get Lilly ready for bed.

Settling into the rocking chair, I hug Lilly close and watch as she gets her fill of formula.

"Well sweet pea, it's been a crazy day. Uncle Jazzy says we should have Bella move in here with us. What do you think? Would you like your Bella to come live with you?" Knowing she can't possibly understand what I've asked, I'm still floored by the way Lilly's eyes lit up when Bella's name was mentioned.

"It sure looks like that would make you happy. Tell you what, baby girl. If things go well tomorrow, I'll make an effort to get to know Bella. Then if that works out, I'll ask her to move it next month. Do you think Bella moving in would be sufficient enough present for your 3 month birthday? I'm counting on you to help me though. You need to keep being a good girl for Bella, make sure she knows how much she's loved. Can you do that sweet girl?"

Not long after our little chat, Lilly is sleeping soundly and I too, have crawled into bed.

I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but as I slowly drift to sleep; I hear the laughter of angels accompanied by the image of a faceless woman holding my daughter in her arms. A feeling of warmth washes over me and I fall into dreams of a supremely happy family.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Sunday morning brings with it a nervous energy. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a knife blade. One side carves a path to a beautiful and blissfully happy future; the other leads back to my present life where I'll never really be whole.

Only one person can tilt the knife in either direction.

Bella.

I'm not sure what I'll find when I get to Rose's, all I know is, she holds my future in her hands.

With my daughter in tow, I head out to meet my fate.

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**A/N: **Chapter 7 probably won't be up until after Christmas. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas holiday!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **This chapter took me longer than I expected it to. I hope you all had a wonderful New Year. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head.**

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**~~Bella~~**

I will not get sick…I will not get sick...I will not get sick…

Oh, God…I'm gonna be sick.

Trying desperately to keep my morning coffee from reappearing; I leaned my head forward, resting it on the steering wheel of my car and took a deep breath.

I've been sitting in Rose's driveway for about five minutes now. I was sure I'd managed to corral my anxiousness before I left the motel; apparently I was sorely mistaken. As soon as Rose's home came into view, I broke out into a cold sweat.

Edward Cullen was just beyond the front door. What was I thinking? How could this possibly be a good idea? I'm not ready for this. He's going to think I'm out to take his child. No father would just accept some strange woman with innumerable personal problems into his daughter's life…into his life. This was a stupid idea. I'm going to wind up hurt. I could feel the tears building and seriously considered running back to the motel. I haven't been in Forks long; maybe leaving it all behind now is the best decision.

_Stop it Bella! Just stop. You've started to open up to these people. You made the decision yesterday to meet Edward and see what happens. Nerves are to be expected; running away is not the answer. Suck it up and get your ass inside, Rose and Alice will be there with you. You put your trust in them already, don't throw that away now. Don't you want a different life?_

Yes, but…

_No! No, buts'. This is your life, you need to take control. Stop letting the past rule you. Take a deep breath, go inside; start living your life._

I really hate when my subconscious argues with me; I hate it even more when it's right. I'm tired of running…I want to live.

Taking another deep breath, I shake off my anxiety and step out of the car.

Once on the porch, I'm surprised to find myself flooded with contentment; it's not a feeling I normally experience unless Lilly is snuggled into my chest. Shrugging off the sensation as my body's way of knowing Lilly is near; I knock on the door and pray my anxiety induced nausea stays manageable.

Before I could talk myself into another state of panic, the door swung open and I was greeted warmly by Rose. "Hey, Bella, I'm so glad you're here," she leaned in and gave me a hug, "come on in. Lunch will be ready in a bit." Rose stepped aside allowing me into her home.

Once inside, I followed her timidly toward the living room. My nervousness was rebounding viciously and I could feel the panic rising. Edward was just around the corner and I wasn't ready to face him.

Oblivious to my torment, Rose continued on until we crossed the threshold into the room where my fate resided. As we entered the living room I kept my gaze focused on the floor beneath my feet, gathering my courage I took a deep breath and lifted my eyes from the floor…

Disappointment slammed into me, sadness overwhelmed me, and tears pooled in my eyes. He wasn't here. Attempting to hide my reaction from Rose, I turned away from her and walked toward the windows on the opposite side of the room; all the while willing my tears away.

"Make yourself at home Bella. I'm going to check on Alice in the kitchen."

I could only nod in acknowledgement; I knew if I spoke Rose would hear the tears in my voice. I didn't quite understand my reaction. I was so nervous leading up to this moment that I should have been relieved about our meeting being postponed. However, the strength of my disappointment was enough to take my breath away. It was far greater than my reaction Friday night when I was told he wouldn't be at dinner.

I should have known my heart held more stock in meeting Edward than I was comfortable with. How could this pain run so much deeper than any pain Jake or Tyler put me through? It even hurts more than any disappointment inflicted on me by my family. Suddenly my future disappeared; there was no Lilly, no Edward, no family of my own. My tears were now flowing freely. The previous thought of leaving Forks became the only one in my head.

Just as I turned to leave, Rose leaned around the corner from the kitchen; "Oh, Bella. I forgot to mention, Edward is upstairs with Lilly. He should be down soon and I didn't want you too surprised if he comes down before Alice and I are done with the food."

At her words, I could no longer hold back the sobs trying to break free. I buried my face in my hands and crumpled to the floor. I couldn't breathe around the sobs wracking my body, the relief was overwhelming. Along with it though came trepidation. A man I've yet to meet has such a potent affect on my emotions; it has me scared beyond words.

"Bella? Bella! Oh, honey, what's the matter?" Rose had knelt beside me and was currently holding my shaking body tightly in her arms.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't think, so I just curled further into Rose's arms while my body let loose its flood of emotions. Rose continued to hold and comfort me, running her hand down my hair and telling me to let it all out, that everything would be okay.

I'm not sure how long we spent on the floor, but eventually my tears started to let up. Embarrassed by my actions, I pulled away from Rose.

"I'm sorry." I forced out, my voice gravely from the tears.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I know the last couple of days have been emotionally trying. Do you want to tell me what's got you so upset?"

"I…I'm overwhelmed. I d-don't…know h-how to handle all of t-this…I'm used t-to keeping it hidden…and I'm sc-scared." I managed to choke out between the sobs that had resurfaced.

"Oh, honey, you have us now. We'll help you deal with all of it. Can you tell me why you're scared?"

Before I could think, all my fears were spilling forth. "He's going to hate me. He has the power to break me more than anyone else ever has. He'll take Lily from me; now that he knows how broken and unworthy I am, he'll take you all away from me. My future is crumbling in around me and I'm not going to survive it." Oh, God, I never should have come here.

"Shh, Bella, Shh…who is he? Edward?" I could only nod. "Edward isn't going to take anything or anyone from you. He certainly doesn't hate you…far from it," Rose sighed and then took my hands in hers.

"Listen, I know you've been through a lot, more than I can even comprehend; but you are not alone anymore. Everything will work itself out. You're not going to know how Edward feels about all of this without meeting him; so why don't you go into the bathroom down the hall, wash your face and collect yourself. When you're done come meet me in the kitchen. Do you think you can do that?"

"Yeah...I'm sorry for being such a burden." I looked down at my hands, hoping that what Rose said about Edward was true.

"Bella, you're not a burden. You're my friend; I will always be here to help you through this." With one last hug she stood and pulled me up with her, once again directing me toward the bathroom.

After puling myself together, I made my way back toward the kitchen. Rose is right. I don't know what Edward is thinking, and if he does pull his family away from me, I'll have to deal with it then. Lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize there was someone in the living room until I heard Lilly's squeal.

I looked up and became lost. Standing in the middle of the room holding a wiggling, squealing Lilly; was the most perfect specimen of a man I've ever laid eyes on. He was tall, probably over six feet, wearing a grey button down with dark jeans and converse; all of which covered a slender but apparently muscular frame. His face was a chiseled masterpiece; a perfect jaw line, pouty lips, and a straight nose. It was all amazing to look at, but what sucked me in and turned my world upside down were his eyes. They are the most stunning shade of green, deep and vibrant, showing a shocking array of emotions. I was locked in his gaze, unable to tear my eyes from his. It felt as if my soul was being probed. The longer we stayed that way, the more I came to recognize the emotions swimming in those bright green orbs; compassion, understanding, anger, pain, frustration…longing. None of it made any sense to me and the more I saw, the more frightened I became. I saw my future in those eyes, everything I've ever wanted was within my reach; only I couldn't understand how that was possible.

This man before me was so far beyond anything I could ever hope to have. He was gorgeous, successful and had an amazing family. I was none of that. I was plain, broken and alone. All of the hopes and dreams mirrored in Edward's eyes couldn't possibly be meant for me.

We were torn from our gaze by the shrill cries of the little girl in Edward's arms.

"Lilly, sweet pea, what's wrong? We just changed your diaper and had a bottle. Come on, sweet girl, calm down for daddy." He spoke and his voice wrapped around me. It was thick, velvety, and warm; I felt my body ease at the sound.

Lilly's cries only continued to get more persistent. Unable to handle her cries any longer, I offer my help.

"Um…do you want me…," my voice trailed off with my nerves and I just pointed to Lilly. Edward didn't respond so I glanced up only to find an odd expression on his face. Thinking I'd upset him, I immediately started to apologize. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…sorry." Feeling dejected, I turned and headed for the kitchen.

"Wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude; you just caught me off guard. Please, if you think you can calm Lilly down I'd greatly appreciate your help."

Turning back to Edward I noticed he had moved to close the gap between us. I reached out for a still screaming Lilly and he placed her in my arms. As he pulled his hands away his fingers brushed mine. I immediately felt the same strange sensation charge through my body that I get when I touch Lilly, only this was a thousand times more intense.

Stunned by what I was feeling, I looked up at Edward to see if perhaps he felt something too. He was staring at me with a great deal of intensity. When our gaze locked, it looked like he was searching for something in my eyes. Feeling exposed and vulnerable I broke our connection and turned my focus on Lilly.

"Hey there sweet girl, what's all the fuss about?" At the sound of my voice Lilly graced me with one of her sweet smiles and a beautiful little cooing sound. "Ah, there's my beautiful girl. Why were you acting so cranky with daddy, huh? You know he loves you very much, you should be nicer to him." Granted with more cooing, I nuzzled her neck and place a kiss on her forehead. "Oh, my sweet little Lilly, I missed you too."

A soft 'wow' came from Edward and burst my Lilly bubble. Feeling slightly embarrassed and worried that Edward may be offended by my affection for his daughter, I mumble an apology and feel my face heat with my typical blush.

"No, don't apologize. I'm just stunned. You are amazing with her, and she very obviously loves you. I've never seen anything like it." Edward's voice was filled with awe and I felt my face flush with a deeper shade of red.

"I love her too, very much." Please don't take her from me.

I felt Edward's hand rest against mine on Lilly's back and the heat of his body very close to mine. He was so close that my senses were flooded with his scent – clean, warm, and very male – it was delectable. The same sense of utter contentment I felt while on the porch washed over me, along with an intense feeling of want. I wanted to feel his arms around me while we both held Lilly, just like it would be if we were an actual family. I wanted the future I saw in his eyes to be real. I just wanted…him.

"Bella…" Edward began but was interrupted by Alice.

"There you are Bella. Rose said you were going to join us in the kitchen but I see you were sidetracked." Both Edward and I turned toward Alice as she spoke.

"So dear brother, have you had the pleasure of witnessing the magic of Bella and Lilly's connection?" Alice asked with a smirk.

"I did and I have no words." As he spoke, Edward ran his fingers over my hand still resting on Lilly's back. The air around us became heavy and charged. I looked up at him and saw his eyes filled with tender longing and adoration. I knew in that moment he must have been thinking about his daughter, there was no way those emotions were directed toward me.

"Amazing isn't it?" asked Alice. Edward just nodded not taking his eyes off me. "Well if you're both ready, lunch is done."

Needing to distance myself from the emotions Edward was evoking in me, I pulled away and followed Alice into the dinning room.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Following a pleasant lunch where the conversation was kept light and I was able to avoid any direct contact with Edward; I volunteered to put Lilly down for her nap.

This was quickly becoming my favorite thing in the world; a quiet room, Lilly's sweet scent wrapping around me, and her warm little body nuzzled into my chest. I could forget all my troubles in those moments, and just be.

Figuring that I couldn't hide out with Lilly for the rest of the afternoon, I placed a kiss on the top of her head and gently laid her down to sleep.

Turning to exit the room, I was startled by the sight of Edward leaning against the door frame. Swallowing the small yelp of fear that wanted to escape, I grab the baby monitor and head for the door. Ushering Edward into the hallway, I pull the door closed behind me.

Once at a safe distance so our voices wouldn't wake Lilly, Edward spoke. "I didn't mean to frighten you. I came up to see if you'd be willing to sit with me for a while. I think there are some things we should talk about."

Now too scared to speak, I just nod and follow Edward down the stairs and outside to the porch. Edward guided me to the porch swing where I took a seat while he leaned his lanky body against the railing across from me.

"Bella, I asked you out here because I feel there are some issues we need to discuss. First though, I want to tell you that I'm amazed at how you are with Lilly. Watching the two of you just now, while you were rocking her to sleep, was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Thank you for being so good for her."

"Thank you for letting me be a part of her life." Please don't take her away from me, please.

"Rose and Alice filled me in about your story. I'm sorry you had to experience such terrible situations. No one should ever have to go through what you have." As he spoke I watched him clench his hands into fists as flashes of anger filled his eyes.

I whispered a thank you and turned my face away from his. I didn't want to watch the anger change to pity. I didn't share my story to be pitied.

"I must admit though, your story has left me concerned…" Oh, God, he's going to take her from me. I knew Edward would never want me around Lilly once he thought about it.

No, no, no, no. My ears started ringing and tears streamed down my face. I could feel my heart racing and my breathing get shallow. I don't know how I'll survive without Lilly; she's the only thing keeping me together. I pulled my knees to my chest and started rocking.

Please don't take her…please don't take her…please…

"Bella! Bella, shh…" I could feel an arm wrap around my waist and a hand brush the tears from my cheeks. "Please don't, what? Tell me what I did. Please, Bella, talk to me. I didn't mean to upset you."

It was then I realized the arms around me belonged to Edward. At some point during my panic attack he had pulled me into his lap. I must've been speaking my thoughts out loud for him to ask what I was talking about. I felt like I was seconds away from falling apart completely. Wrapping my arms around Edward and fisting the back of his shirt in my hands, I buried my face in his neck and forced out an answer to his question.

"P-please, don't take her away from me. Please, d-don't. I won't survive without h-her…" The sobs took over once again and I felt Edward tighten his grip on me while smoothing his hand down my hair.

"I'm not taking anyone away from you. Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry I made you think that. Lilly needs you as much as you need her; if not more…I need you." I couldn't be sure I heard the last part right, it was mumbled against my head, and I thought I felt his lips press a kiss to my hair. That couldn't be right though. Edward couldn't possibly feel anything for me.

I pulled away from his chest and looked up at his face, "You're not going to keep me from Lilly?"

"No, I'm not. Why did you think I was?"

"You…you said you were concerned after hearing my story." I struggled to say through my tear thickened voice.

"I am. I'm concerned about _you_, about how you're coping. I'm concerned that you'll start to think this is all too much and leave us. I don't think any of us could handle losing you now, especially Lilly." He turned his head so he was faced away from me and mumbled something I could have sworn was 'especially me'. Shaking off the thoughts that idea provoked, I addressed his concerns.

"Edward, I don't think you understand. If I leave you all behind now, it _will_ kill me. The only thing that could take me away from your family is…your family. When you all decide that I'm no longer worth the hassle, and you all realize I'm right when I say I'm unworthy of love and family; that will be the only way I'll leave you. I know it will happen eventually, I'm not sure I'll survive it, but until then you're all stuck with me."

Edward placed a finger under my chin and pulled my face up so I had no choice but to look at him. "Bella, I don't ever want to hear that you're unworthy again." His voice was strong and demanding, pleading me to understand.

"You, more than anyone, deserve all the love and happiness the world can provide. Rose and Alice Love you. Lilly loves you. I lo…I already consider you a member of this family. Jasper and Emmett were impressed with you even in the short amount of time they've gotten to spend with you, and I'm positive that my parents will love you as they would any one of their children." Edward sighed, but continued before I could speak.

"You have a family in us, you have love with us, and if you allow us into your heart we will show you all the happiness in the world." I searched his eyes while he spoke. I saw nothing but truth and affection. Edward had truly accepted me as part of his family.

"Thank you. I don't know where I would be without the friendship Rose and Alice have bestowed upon me, or the understanding I've received from you. Thank you for not thinking I'm some deranged woman out to steal your daughter." I hugged myself to him once more. I felt nothing but comfort in his arms, I felt like I was home.

Edward held me tightly, providing the comfort he knew I needed. All too soon he relaxed his grip and pulled away slightly. "Enough of the heavy stuff for today, I'd really like to spend a little time getting to know you. I'd like for you to consider me a friend as well, not just Lilly's dad. Is that ok?" His voice came across as being nervous; looking into his eyes I realized that he was in fact nervous. Edward was rather adorable like that. All day he's seemed so confident and self assured, this new nervous and somewhat shy Edward put me at ease.

"Of course I want to be your friend. I'd be more than happy to lighten up the conversation. What would you like to talk about?"

**~~~D~W~~~**

We spent the next hour and a half talking about everything. I told him about going to school at Michigan State, my last job, my favorite…everything. He also shared his favorites and his school experience at Dartmouth. I learned more about his job and the people he worked with. An odd amount of anger filled me when he talked about the skanky whores - oh sorry, 'nurses' - that worked with him. We talked about anything we could that didn't pertain to my past. I've never felt so comfortable talking to anyone in my life. It wasn't even the same as talking to Rose and Alice, it went deeper than that; like we'd known each other our whole lives and just spent time catching up.

It wasn't until I heard gurgling coming from the baby monitor, that I realized how intertwined Edward and I were. I was still sitting in his lap, never having moved from when he placed me there. My right hand was still fisted in the back of his shirt while my left fiddled with the buttons running down his chest. Edward still had his left arm wrapped tightly around my waist and his right was playing with the ends of my hair. To any observer we would look like any other couple having an intimate conversation.

The thought made me blush and I reluctantly pulled myself away from him to stand; I felt the loss of his warmth immediately. "Um…do you want to go get Lilly? Or I could do it if you'd like."

"How about we both go? I'd like to prevent the squealing, wiggling monster from reappearing if I can help it." Edward gave me a crooked smile that lit up his whole face, if I thought he was beautiful before, now he was god-like.

My blush returned and I giggled in agreement. This man was turning me into mush, but it felt wonderful.

Edward followed me up the stairs and I swear I felt his hand on the small of my back. Upon entering the room we both walked to Lilly's crib. We were graced with a gurgling, cooing, smiling, wiggly little girl; but she was also very, very stinky.

Picking her up I said, "Well, hello there, little one. I see you've left a present for Daddy. I knew there was a good reason for both of us to come get you." I turned with a smirk and handed a very ripe Lilly to her father.

"Sweet pea, please tell me how something so little can stink so badly." I stood back and watched as Edward did his fatherly duty and changed Lilly; all while trying to contain the giggles brought on by the disgusted face Edward was sporting the whole time.

"There, all clean and smelling once again like my sweet little Lilly. Try to save those for Bella, okay? Daddy really doesn't appreciate Lilly stink bombs."

"Hey now, I get my fair share. Don't turn her against me already." I said while laughing. Edward just stuck his tongue out at me and winked.

"Oh my God! What are you, twelve? I can't believe you just stuck your tongue out at me." We were both laughing now. I walked closer to Edward and Lilly so I could run my hand through her soft hair.

"Did you see that Lilly? Your Daddy is acting like a little kid. I think in a few months you'll have out matured your own father." Once I was close enough Lilly started in with the wiggling and clutched onto my hand with her tiny little fist. Edward sensing what she wanted handed the little squirmer off to me.

"Ha! See, she likes me more. My sweet little Lilly, you're going to be so smart, you already know I'm better than your Daddy." My laughter at his incredulous expression quickly turned into a squeal when Edward wrapped both arms around me from behind, enclosing both Lilly and I in his embrace.

He leaned forward over my shoulder and placed a kiss on the top of Lilly's head. Before letting us go, Edward brought his lips to my ear and said, "I don't know anything about whose better, but she definitely knows who is the most beautiful." His warm breath ghosting along my skin sent shivers down my spine and before I could respond, Edward kissed the top of my head and headed for the door.

"Come on you two, we should get downstairs before Rose and Alice think I've kidnapped you." With that he was out the door.

Reeling from his words and show of affection, I slowly followed.

Before I reached the living room I resolved to pretend like nothing had happened. I didn't want to make it into something it wasn't and I also didn't want to risk Edward's friendship. If something built beyond that then I wouldn't fight it, but I wouldn't allow my hopes to bloom from a few whispered words and a sisterly kiss to the head.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Rose, Alice, Edward and I; spent the next little while chatting and playing with a very happy Lilly. Currently Edward was sitting on the floor at my feet with his back against the couch and Lilly propped up against his bent knees. Rose and Alice were sitting on the loveseat having what appeared to be an intense discussion about shopping. I was observing it all while sitting on my hands, trying desperately to keep them from running through Edward's beautiful hair. Hoping to remove the temptation, I slid down onto the floor and sat at Edward's side.

"Hey, little bug, what is daddy doing to you?" I said to Lilly while reaching up to rub her belly.

"I'm trying to get her to smile, but she doesn't seem to feel like cooperating." Edward tickled her feet while talking, but Lilly just stared at him.

I looked at Lilly with a smirk on my face, "Daddy's just not doing it right is he, sweet girl? I know you will give me a beautiful smile, won't you?" Just as I finished speaking, Lilly let loose with her breathtaking grin.

"Ha! Told you she likes me more." I couldn't stop the huge grin on my face and when I glanced at Edward, my laughter couldn't be contained. I'd never seen such a pitiful pout in all my life. It was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen. "Aww, don't do that. You know she loves you deeply; you're her Daddy." Resting my hand against his chest, I watch as Edward's eyes start to gleam, flooded with an emotion I'm unable to define. I feel my cheeks flush as a mischievous grin appears on Edward's face. Before I could react, Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me tight to his side.

"I guess since she likes you so much I'll just have to keep you right here by my side…forever." Edward's voice lost its playfulness and his eyes turned serious, pleading. I wasn't sure how to take what he said and before I could think about it, his expression lightened. "I'd do anything to keep my baby girl happy."

I should have known his words were only meant in regards to Lilly; that they weren't an indication about his feelings for me. The thing is...I'd do anything to keep Lilly happy too. My love for Lilly didn't keep me from feeling rejected however. Consumed with the need to get away, I stood and prepared to leave.

"Rose, thank you for having me over today; Alice, I'll see you in the morning." Turning back to Edward, I leaned down to kiss Lilly and say my goodbye's, "I'll see you tomorrow sweetheart. Edward, it was really nice getting to know you." I attempted to give him a small smile but wasn't very successful. Edward's face took on a worried expression and he looked as if he wanted to say something. I cut him off in a hurry to leave.

"I've had a really good time, but I've got some things I need to do. I'll see you all later?"

After a round of goodbye's and hugs from Rose and Alice, I was out the door and headed toward my car.

Just as I was pulling the driver's side door open a warm hand wrapped around my arm. Edward.

I buried my emotions deep and turned to face him.

"Bella, did I say something to upset you?" Edward asked his eyes filled with worry.

"No."

"I thought we were having a good time and then you made an abrupt decision to leave. Why?"

"It's getting late. I have things to do." Please just let me leave, I can't look at your beautiful face anymore and know you will never feel anything for me.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. Can I go now?" A frown appeared on his beautiful face and he let his had fall from my arm, but not before gripping my hand in his.

"Bye, Bella." Edward sighed and turned back to the house.

As quickly as I could, I was in my car and driving away.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Back in the safety of my motel room, I let my mind fill with the events of the day.

So much happened, I wasn't sure how to handle it all. My heart and head experienced a plethora of emotions, some of which I'm certain I've never felt before. The day went from debilitating disappointment to extreme relief, from abject terror to playful fun; finally ending in resigned rejection. Through it all I've become certain of three things.

First, I would do anything to maintain happiness and comfort for one very special little girl.

Second, I feel very strongly for that little girl's father. So strongly in fact, that I'm certain I've never felt this way about anyone. I also know without question, that those feelings will never be returned.

And lastly, if either Lilly or Edward is taken from my life; it _will_ kill me. Edward may never return my feelings, but if I don't have him in my life, I will cease to exist.

I went to Rose's today nervous and worried, thinking Edward would push me out of his daughter's life.

I came away from Rose's completely lost.

I looked into a pair of mesmerizing green eyes and lost the rest of my heart. Edward and Lilly now hold my heart in their hands; it may prove to be the end of me.

Running is no longer an option for me; my only hope is that at some point Edward will find it in himself to care for me in some way.

Hope has never been my friend.

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**A/N: **I would like you all to remember how broken Bella is. She will continue to fight her feelings for Edward and will find ways to excuse his actions toward her for a little while yet. Believe me when I tell you though, that Edward is going to fight hard for her.

Edward's version of this day coming soon. It will not be a complete repeat of this chapter but you need to know what he was feeling upon first meeting Bella.

Once again, Happy New Year to everyone!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **I want to apologise for the delay. I had computer problems that thankfully didn't cause me to lose any of the story. Everything is back to normal but I probably won't be updating more than once a week or so. Real life can be a sneaky bitch and seems to keep me from doing what I'd like. Anyway, I hope you like Edwards POV of the meet, he gets a little emotional but it was necessary for him to get it out so he can be more determined in the future. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head.**

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**~~Edward~~**

I never thought I'd be one of those men to use his child for personal gain. You know, like those guys who take walks with a baby or a puppy just to gain a woman's attention.

Well, I'm not using Lilly to gain the attention of a woman; I'm using her to avoid it.

I know with every fiber of my being that Bella is meant to be a part of my life, but I'm nervous as hell to finally meet her.

Shortly after I arrived at Rose's, Lilly became cranky. Realizing it was time for a bottle; I had Alice prepare one and then escaped upstairs to feed her. Sure, I could have fed her in the living room and then I would have been front and center when Bella arrived, but I couldn't do it.

I'm a fucking coward.

_Got that right_.

Oh, shut the hell up.

I spoke with Rose and Alice earlier and asked them if they thought it would be okay if I had some alone time with Bella. I know she'd probably be more comfortable with the girls around, but I really wanted to get a feel for her as a person without their interference.

The plan is, once she arrives, Rose and Alice will do the whole introduction thing, and then we'll sit down to lunch. Afterwards, I'll ask Bella if she'd be alright talking with me. If all goes according to plan, then we'll be able to find out more about each other and perhaps start building a friendship.

_Of course, none of that can happen if you hide out up here with the baby all day._

I know...I'm going…right after I change Lilly's diaper. I'm not stalling, not at all.

**~~~D~W~~~**

After finishing with Lilly and pulling my balls out of their hiding spot, I made my way to the living room. I was surprised to find it empty. Thinking that the girls must be congregating in the kitchen, I make my way there.

Only Alice and Rose were there…maybe she decided not to come. Pain coursed through my chest at the thought. It was becoming physically painful to be away from Bella, and that just didn't make any fucking sense.

"There you are Edward. Bella's just freshening up. I told her to meet in here, and lunch will be done in a few," Rose said while stirring something on the stove.

"Oh…alright, I'm just gonna go wait in the living room. Can one of you come get me when it's ready?" Not really waiting for a response, I turned and left the kitchen.

When Rose said Bella was here, the pressure in my chest lifted and all I wanted to do was find her. If I'm already reacting like this with just the thought of her in the same house, what the hell will happen when I actually see her?

Something had my little girl going all kinds of crazy. As we made our way back into the living room, Lilly began squirming with all her might. It's not like she hadn't become more active over the last week or so but this was beyond anything I'd experienced with her so far. It wasn't until she let loose with a high pitched little squeal that I realized we were no longer alone.

Oh. My. Fuck.

I assumed she'd be pretty, I'd gathered that much from my conversations with the family, but the reality…it was…beyond all comprehension.

Pure and simple, she was an angel. Bella stood before me like a gift from God. She was petite and thin, a little too thin actually, but had all the right curves; wearing a simple grey dress and white sweater with those legging things Alice sometimes wears. Bella was breathtaking in her simplicity. Her mahogany colored locks fell to her elbows in gentle waves and brought out the understated beauty in her delicate features. I wanted to do nothing more than pull her close and kiss her perfect pink lips, but I was frozen in place by the depth of pain seeping from within her chocolate eyes.

I was conflicted by the emotions raging through me. I was so overwhelmed by the pain and fear emanating from this beautiful woman before me; I wanted to kill the people responsible. I wanted to take her pain into myself so she no longer had to endure it. I wanted to take her into my arms and let her know I would always be here for her, that Lilly and I would be her family. I longed to do all of those things.

I wasn't sure how long I spent drowning in her gaze, I didn't care, I never wanted to surface; Lilly however, had other plans. She started emitting a cry I'd never heard and kicked her squirming up a notch. I had no idea what was wrong and tried to calm her. It was then I heard the voice of an angel.

"Um…do you want me…," her voice trailed off. Oh, my sweet angel, that is a very loaded question. I'm not sure what expression was on my face, but when Bella looked up once again, she immediately started to backtrack. It wasn't until I recognized the look of rejection on her face that I realized I'd fucked up. Bella turned to walk away and I just couldn't have that.

"Wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude; you just caught me off guard. Please, if you think you can calm Lilly down I'd greatly appreciate your help." God, I'm so stupid. I'm so stunned by her mere presence that I can't even function.

Placing Lilly into Bella's arms felt like the most natural thing I've ever done. As I pulled away, our hands brushed together and I was flooded by a warm, tingly sensation. I instantly wanted more…just simply more…of her, in every way. This wasn't anything I'd ever experienced before and I instantly wanted to know if she felt the same.

Once again our eyes locked and I desperately wanted to know if she'd ever let me in. If there was ever a way we could have the future I wanted so ardently with her. I watched as fear filled her eyes and she moved her gaze back to Lilly. What caused that fear? I don't ever want her to be afraid of me.

As Bella cooed to Lilly, I watched on in stunned amazement. I'd been told about their connection, but it became apparent that Lilly's true mother had been found.

Bella tried to apologize when I inadvertently made my awe of her known. I assured her that apologies weren't necessary and found myself moving ever closer to the both of them. My body seemed to be functioning outside of all rational thought and before I could stop myself, I was one step away from completely enveloping the two most important girls in my world with my embrace.

I wanted to tell her everything. Lay my plans for our future out on the line, beg her to lower the walls surrounding her heart and let me in. Just as my mouth was beginning to utter words I'm sure would have sent Bella running, my lovely sister interrupted and informed us lunch was served.

After a small conversation between the three of us, Bella pulled away and followed Alice into the dining room. I was left standing there dumbfounded by what had just occurred. I'd felt a connection to Bella from the day Lilly started daycare. I know that my future lies with the stunning woman that just walked away carrying my daughter. My only problem was how to make that happen without scaring her so badly that she runs away, or even worse, does something Jasper is afraid she's all too capable of.

The thought of Bella hurting herself caused such an agonizing pain in my chest that I found myself grabbing the wall for support while trying to regain strength in my legs.

I wasn't sure the best way to go about protecting Bella, but I knew damn well that I would do everything in my power to give her the life she deserves.

Now all I have to do is keep from fucking up too badly.

**~~~D~W~~~**

After lunch, Bella took Lilly upstairs for her nap. It was probably inevitable when I found myself standing in the doorway to Lilly's room observing the most beautiful sight I've ever encountered.

The peace reflected on Bella's face was something I hoped I would be able to provide to her forever. Both of my girls were snuggled into one another and I ached to be a part of that. After causing Bella to nearly jump out of her skin, I asked if she'd be willing to sit with me for a while. She agreed, although reluctantly I think, and followed me outside.

The conversation didn't start exactly as I'd hoped. Bella was so timid, so reserved, it wasn't until she thought I was taking Lilly away, that I saw how broken she really was.

I held her tightly as she clung to me, begging me to let her stay in our lives. I wanted to do anything I could to keep her whole. She is my home, she is Lilly's home. I did my best to reassure her how much she meant to all of us, how she was already family. I wanted to let her know how important she was to me, how much I loved her; because that's exactly what I was feeling, but I knew it was too soon. I needed to earn her trust and friendship first.

We sat on the porch for nearly two hours completely wrapped up in each other. I'm not sure if she was aware of how intimate our embrace was but it sure as hell didn't escape me. I learned more about Bella as a person than I could have ever hoped possible at the start of our time together, and I was ecstatic. It wasn't until we heard the wakeful sounds of Lilly coming from the baby monitor, that our bubble was broken.

Not wanting to be separated from Bella, I suggested that we both go check on Lilly. Her blush and giggle are two of the most precious things in my world. I hope I can continue to get those reactions from her. The happiness that was starting to show in her face is something I want to keep there forever.

The moments we experienced in that room were nothing short of perfection. Bella and I were lost in our own little world of teasing and giggles, comfort and joy. Ok well, I could have done with out the putrid stench coming from my daughter, but that too added to the perfection in a way. We were acting like true first time parents, like the family we should be, and I just couldn't help myself when I gathered them both in my arms. I wanted to bury my nose in Bella's neck and breathe her in. She smelled of the warmest vanilla and Lilacs on a sunny day.

I was barely able to resist kissing her neck; instead I whispered to her how beautiful she was and kissed the top of her head before escaping the room. I didn't want to leave her side, but I figured it was best before I did anything even more stupid.

The rest of the afternoon was spent chatting with Rose and Alice, playing with Lilly, and just enjoying each other's company.

It wasn't until Bella sat next to me, to once again tease me about how much my daughter likes her, that I realized how much I missed her when she wasn't at my side.

Before I could register what I was doing, I wrapped my arm around her waist and told her just that.

"I guess since she likes you so much I'll just have to keep you right here by my side…forever." Bella looked into my eyes and I wanted to plead with her to understand, to let me in. I saw some unknown emotion flash in her brown depths so I quickly tried to lighten the impact of my words. "I'd do anything to keep my baby girl happy."

Bella's face fell; hurt, rejection, hopelessness flooding her beautiful face. I replayed the last of our conversation trying frantically to understand what happened; what I did to cause that look in her eyes. Before I could register what was happening around me, Bella had said her goodbye's and was on her way out the door.

Thrusting Lilly into Rose's arms, I chased after Bella and managed to reach her just before she got into her car.

"Bella, did I say something to upset you?" I could hear the worry in my voice but at that moment I was terrified that I'd caused irreparable harm to our potential relationship.

"No," Bella's voice was void of emotion and her eyes were colder still. Another wave of terror swept through me. Oh, God, what have I done?

"I thought we were having a good time and then you made an abrupt decision to leave. Why?"

"It's getting late. I have things to do." There was no break in her mask; Bella was only answering what she needed to.

"Are you sure?" Please, baby, please give me some indication that I haven't fucked this up beyond all repair.

"Yep. Can I go now?" I could tell that there was nothing I could do. She'd closed her self off. Damn it, Jasper warned me about being careful.

"Bye, Bella," I sighed and turned back to the house. I couldn't push her, but I sure as hell was going to find a way to fix this. I needed her to understand that anything I do is for her. I had to find a way to heal my broken angel.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What the hell have I done?

One minute we were having what I thought was a great time, the next she was running away from me.

I need to fix this.

Not willing to go inside and face the hell I'm sure Alice and Rose are waiting to inflict upon me, I sit my ass down on the porch steps and pull out my cell. Jasper is the only one I know of that can help me now.

Not even waiting for him to speak once the phone picks up; I just start in with the verbal vomit.

"J, I fucked up. I ruined everything; she'll never let me in now. God, I'm so scared that I've done something to push her over the edge. You've gotta help me man, please…please." The lump in my throat is so large I'm not sure how I was able to say anything.

"Whoa, Ed, back it up. What the hell are you talking about?" Jasper questioned.

"Bella. I've fucked it all up."

"Okay, first of all you need to calm down. Second, tell me why you think you screwed up."

"I don't know if I can be calm, J. The day with Bella was going great, well maybe that's not the right word. It started out a little rocky but things settled and became really comfortable. I thought it was going so well, and then she just up and left. God, J, her expression when she left was so cold. It's like she completely shut down." Please, please, please be okay. I will never survive if I've done something to cause her pain.

"Well that certainly doesn't sound good given her mental state. I told you to tread lightly. I want you to detail the day for me. Don't leave anything out, I know you may be embarrassed but I want to know things like what you were feeling and how you perceived Bella's emotions. It's the only way I'm going to be able to determine how this should be handled."

Taking a deep breath I did just what Jasper told me to. I left nothing out. I told him how I hid at first, what an angel she was; how she smelled and felt right in my arms. No detail was left unsaid, every word exchanged was shared; our intimate embrace and teasing banter was laid out in a way that Jasper would feel like he was right there with us. He knows how much I love Bella, how much she feels like home to me. If this had been Emmett he'd be telling me how much of a pussy I was, fuck I don't even care. If I need to hand in my man card to make sure Bella is okay then I'll gladly do it.

After what I'm sure is becoming the longest fucking conversation I've ever had over the phone, I let out a sigh and once again begged Jasper to help me.

"Please, help me. Please…I can't…I can't lose her. Please." I choked back a sob. God, I'm such a girl.

_Yeah, well, if you hadn't fucked up maybe you wouldn't be crying like a little girl right now._

Shut the fuck up! I don't know what I did!

"Ed, man, we'll fix this. Somehow I'll help you make it right. I promise you that it'll be okay. You've got to listen to me right now, alright? Do you think you can do that?"

"Yeah, J, I can do that. It just feels like I can't breathe and she's only been gone for about an hour. How will I survive if she never talks to me again? Oh…God…I…"

"Edward! Seriously, you have got to pull yourself together. If you can't do that, then there is no way you'll be able to help Bella. This is just the beginning of the road with her, if you can't handle things now, how in the hell will you be able to deal with it later?"

Fuck, Jasper's right. These feelings are all so new to me and I'm overwhelmed, but if I need to get my shit together to help Bella then that's exactly what I'm going to do.

"I'm okay. I'm fine. There is nothing more important to me than helping Bella right now. Tell me what I need to do."

"Here's what I think. Based on what you've told me about your conversations with Bella today, I'd say she really started to open up and feel comfortable around you. The problem with that is she's never really had anyone in her life make any sort of stable and lasting relationship with her. Rose and Ali are a start, but it's also still so new and Bella has no way of knowing if our family really means what we say."

"How do I get her to understand?"

"I'm getting to that. I think she got really scared today. It's one thing to establish relationships with people when there is no potential for romantic involvement. It's different with you. I'm almost certain that the connection you feel with Bella goes both ways. That makes any relationship she has with you that much more problematic. Love is an emotion Bella has had the most difficulty with. I get the impression that you were having a very hard time holding your affection for her in check today."

"Uh…yeah, but I just couldn't control it. I have this uncontrollable urge to be near her, touch her, tell her everything I'm feeling. Anytime something would slip, I'd try to lighten up the situation or deflect from what I said. I didn't want to pressure her." I know I slipped up a few times; my only hope is that she couldn't really tell what I meant.

"See, I think that's where your problem comes in Ed. You told me that right before she left you made a comment about wanting her near you 'forever' then you turned around said it was only to keep the baby happy. Right?"

"Uh huh…" where exactly is he going with this?

"I think that was the proverbial straw, so to speak. Put yourself in her shoes. You spend the day comforting her, getting to know her, complementing her. You keep reassuring her that she's important to the family, to Lilly, to you. You've established that there is probably a mutual connection or attraction between you; then in an ideal situation where it's just the two of you and Lilly; you tell her you want her but only for the baby's sake."

Oh…fuck.

"Essentially you told a woman who is swamped with insecurities about her own self-worth that you'll keep her around for the baby but she's not good enough for you."

"But that's not what I meant! There is no one more perfect for me than Bella. How could she think that?" Shit, what have I done? Surely she couldn't think that little of me.

"Edward, a woman with Bella's background isn't going to pick up on that. She'll only hear what she expects to hear; that she's not worthy."

"Jasper…what do I do? Tell me how to fix this." The lump in my throat was back and I could feel the burning in my eyes. How could my angel think I don't need her? I need her more than I need air to breathe.

"First of all you can't say things like you did today. If you slip up and let your affection for Bella come out then leave it there. The more you backtrack the more confused you're going to make her. Try to avoid comments, intended or not, that could imply you don't want her personally. You need to spend more time with her in small increments. Establish that you'll be around. Maybe you can get the girls to help you out. Or you could have Bella take Lilly home with her from the daycare and you pick her up when you get out of work. Right now Rose and Alice are doing that, but if Bella did, it would give you a reason to see her. Build a casual friendship with her that way, and then slowly let things be known about your feelings for her.

"Whatever you do, don't do something affectionate one day and then hold back the next. If you hug her, then hug her everyday. You have to stay consistent and unwavering or you'll have her so tied up in knots that it'll cause more harm in the long run."

"Thanks, J; you've given me a lot to think about. I should probably head back inside and gather up Lilly. No doubt Alice and Rose are ready to pounce as well." I sighed.

"Yeah, you're probably right about that. Just keep me in the loop okay. Bella may not be my patient yet but she means a lot to this family already, I don't think any of us want to lose her."

**~~~D~W~~~**

After getting off the phone with Jasper, I went inside to face the music. Sure enough Rose and Alice berated me for my behavior, even though they had no idea what caused Bella to leave so abruptly.

I explained what Jasper told me and after a very lengthy discussion and lecture, the girls came up with a way to make sure I became firmly entrenched into Bella's day to day life. I have to admit the idea made me a little giddy.

Gathering up Lilly, I made my way home and contemplated the days to come.

If our plan worked then I would be seeing Bella tomorrow evening. I knew I couldn't push her, but I also felt that I had to do little things that would give her some inkling about the direction my feelings were headed.

My hope was that after a few weeks Bella would be comfortable enough with me that I could bring up the idea Jasper had about her becoming a nanny of sorts for Lilly. From there hopefully our relationship and trust could grow into the beautiful life Bella deserves.

I would not, and could not, allow my beautiful angel to stay broken.

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**A/N: **Okay, there are two stories that I've read recently that I highly recommend if you haven't already heard about them. The first is **The Bigger They Are **by **LadyExcalibur2010, **and the second is **Cotton Creek** by **rtgirl. **Both are complete and both are wonderful.

Until next week.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **So here's the next chapter, there will be a bit of a time jump at the end. This is the start of the transition from E&B being separate to them being together. It won't be long before there will be much more interaction between our two favorite people.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head.**

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**~~Bella~~**

I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but I've lost who I thought I was.

When I first arrived in Forks two months ago I had hoped to stay hidden; keep myself cocooned from the rest of the world.

I know that you're thinking that that's no way to live, that it's almost destructive to go through life completely alone. I know this. I've lived it for over twenty-six years. I don't really want to live this way, but I don't know how to do life any differently.

There have been many situations throughout the years where my heart screams at me to let someone in, to enjoy living, to be happy; my mind however, screams louder. I've been programmed to believe I'm not worth anyone's time or effort. If my family can't even find it in themselves to love me, then why should anyone else?

Then to top it off, the two times I decided to listen to my heart over my head, I came away shattered.

So why is it that the Cullen's have plowed through my walls, stripped away the cocoon; without my heart or mind making a conscious decision to let them in?

That's what I'm struggling with now. How is it possible that these people have dissolved all my walls and gotten me to share some of my most intimate secrets without me being aware that they were even doing it? Even with Jake it took years before I was able to share details of my past with him. With Tyler it didn't take nearly as long, but after Jake I was just desperate to maintain some sort of adult relationship. Of course that situation destroyed me almost more than the one with Jake…almost.

Once the devastation from the loss of my baby was piled onto two consecutive heartbreaks, I convinced my heart that in order to preserve the remaining pieces, I had to shut myself off from the outside world.

Yet despite my resolve to spend the rest of my days alone, the Cullen's are bound and determined to shatter my resistance.

The fact that in less than a week I've gone from just merely existing to being the center of attention to this amazing family has me shaken. Even worse, I don't want to do anything about it, and that has me absolutely terrified.

Terrified because my heart is telling me that I belong with this family, that I've finally found my home; terrified because now that means there's more than just one person that can finish destroying the pieces of my heart.

I feel out of control. I know I wasn't able to hide my feelings from Edward the other day. I'm pretty sure he knows how irrevocably drawn I am to him. I also know that there is no hope of him returning those feelings. He has a perfect life, why would he even think twice about attaching himself to a very broken soul?

My turmoil has brought me here, staring out the window of my motel room, shut off from the world; just like I've been for the last week. It's been a week since I've seen Edward. A week since I've really spoken to Alice or Rose.

Not seeing Edward has been easy, we never really established any form of communication outside of his sisters; so I haven't had to work too hard to avoid him. I was hoping in vain that it would be an out of sight out of mind situation…yeah, not so much.

Avoiding Alice and Rose however, has proven to be a challenge. So much so, that I took the last two days off from work feigning illness in hopes that I could defer the intervention I could see brewing in Alice's eyes. I made every effort to keep myself secluded at work. Such as keeping the door between my room and Alice's closed, gathering all the items I needed from the kitchen first thing so I wouldn't have to leave my room, I even went back to leaving the premises during my lunch. It was all for naught though when the stupid pixie parked her self in my room before I arrived to work on Thursday. She told me in no uncertain terms that we would be having a chat at lunch. That's when I contacted Victoria and informed her how 'ill' I was, allowing me to escape before lunch. I haven't been back since. I will have to face the music tomorrow.

When I made it back to the motel that day, I made sure to tell Jeanne at the front desk that I didn't want anyone knowing my room number. I'm pretty certain Alice and Rose know by now that I'm living in the motel, they don't however know which room, and I want to keep it that way.

I need time alone, time to think; time to determine what I want to do about the situation I've found myself in.

The problem with this 'alone' time though is that I miss Lilly terribly. It feels like a piece of my soul is missing. It's been almost four days. Four days without seeing her beautiful little face. I feel ashamed that I've allowed my insecurities to affect my relationship with her.

In the past 76 hours and 42 minutes one thing has been made perfectly clear. I can no longer live without Lilly in my life. It seems wrong to me, to be so attached to a child that isn't mine. A deep, dark part of me wonders if it's just about a need to fill the hole left in my soul by the loss of my own child. Rationally I know that it's a possibility. There is a larger part of my consciousness though that understands the connection between my self and Lilly has more meaning than that. Frankly I'm tired of the circular thoughts occurring in my mind. I've decided to stop questioning my relationship with Lilly and just let it flow. It's a safe relationship for me. Lilly herself is unable to hurt me; she's too young to voluntarily leave me, only her father can remove Lilly from my life.

Speaking of her father, I've also come to the conclusion that I miss him. Greatly. It's stupid really, to miss someone I've only met once; but there was something in the way we interacted last Sunday that has left an undeniable impression upon me. The few times I found myself wrapped in Edward's strong arms I felt safe, happy, even…loved? Internally I want to experience those feelings every single day for the rest of my life and I know the only one that can do that for me is Edward. Realistically, I know that's just a very wonderful dream.

So what am I supposed to do with all these new revelations? I know I can't keep hiding from everyone. It won't be long before Alice or Rose come breaking down my door, and when they do I'll need some answers; if not for them, then at least for myself.

I miss them more than I ever thought possible; Lilly and Edward, Alice and Rose, even Jasper and Emmett. I've always been alone it's just how my life has gone, but now more than ever I truly know what it feels like to be lonely.

However reluctant I may be, I've come to the conclusion that I need them all in my life. Not just Lilly or Edward, but all of them…every last one.

I never really felt like this with Jake or even Tyler. Sure I wanted them around, but at the same time, it also never affected me much if they weren't there. I was able to go days without seeing them and not feel like there were pieces of myself missing. Strange now that I think about it; shouldn't I have felt that way if I 'loved' them? I know without question that I love Lilly, but that love is more like mother/daughter love; not really comparable.

If I really examine things, I would have to reluctantly admit my feelings for Edward are stronger than anything I ever felt for Jacob, and definitely more than I felt for Tyler. So what does that mean? If I loved Jacob, then I'm saying I love Edward even more. How is that possible?

I grab a pillow from the bed and use it to muffle my screams of frustration; I don't want to alarm the guests next door. I'm so confused and the more I think about it the worse my confusion becomes. I know I'm over-thinking things, I know if I just let it all go my life would be so much simpler. But I've lead a solitary life, even when in a relationship, my life was my own. Now I don't want it to be, and I can't get my brain wrapped around that idea.

Before I can start back on my cyclical thoughts, my cell chirps alerting me to a text…odd.

Looking at my phone I notice the message is from an unknown number, but the area code suggests it's someone here in Forks. Upon opening the message I become frozen with shock.

**Hey, Bella, I was wondering if you can do me a favor. –Edward**

Oh…um…what the hell? Edward is texting me. How did he even get my number? Well, what am I supposed to do now? I haven't made up my mind on this whole situation yet. I mean, what if I say yes? I could wind up even deeper than I already am. Do I want that?

_Oh will you just stop with all the questions already? Geez, you don't even know what the favor is. Don't deny yourself his friendship. Just answer the man and find out what he wants._

I know…but what if…

_STOP!_

Alright, geez, no need to get snippy; damn sub-conscious.

Taking a much needed breath, I text back and ask him what he needs.

**I need someone to watch Lilly tomorrow am before the daycare opens. Can you do it? –E**

**Um…sure, where should I pick her up? ~B**

**Oh, well, I think you're on my way to work. Pacific Inn Motel, right? –E**

God Damn Alice! Well hell, what do I do now? On one hand it's inevitable that people find out where I'm staying, on the other I'm not sure I'm ready to give up my site of seclusion.

_Think about it, you'll get to have Lilly all to yourself for a while._

Well when you put it that way…

**Yeah…rm 217. What time? ~B**

**I work at 7, so 6:30? –E**

**That'll be fine. ~B**

**Great. See you then. –E**

Well this could be interesting.

Feeling claustrophobic in my room, I decide to take a drive down to La Push hoping the soothing waves and peacefulness of the setting sun will help settle my mind.

This part of the country really is incredibly beautiful. Even after two months it still takes my breath away at times. I sat myself down on a drift wood log and became lost in the rhythm of the undulating waves.

So lost in the waves and my mind, I was unaware of the passing time and was only pulled from my stupor by the shivers coursing through my body. The sun was long gone judging by the depth of indigo in the night sky. My butt feels to be permanently numb and my legs threaten to give out when I first move from my state of quiet contemplation.

As I get in the car and crank the heat, I can't help but feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. The Cullen's are very much like the ocean and my walls like the shore. No matter the barriers erected, eventually the waves will crumble the obstruction and once again become one with the land. Theirs is a relationship of give and take, each dependant on the other. I can fight the pull and build new walls, but eventually the Cullen's will cause those to fall as well. Fighting it will only prolong the inevitable.

So, I'm done fighting, done questioning. I've decided to let the waves lead me where they will. I'm tired of fighting; it makes for a lonely world. I may be risking the rest of my heart and soul, but honestly, Lilly and Edward stole what was left the first day I laid eyes on them.

Once back in my room, I change for bed and set my alarm.

It was the first peaceful sleep I've had in far too long.

**~~~D~W~~~**

To say I was anxious would be an understatement. I couldn't wait to have Lilly in my arms once again, but even more than that, I couldn't wait to see Edward again; no matter how briefly. It may be foolish, but I need to see them both like I need air to breathe. The light feeling from last night has continued this morning with my determination to be whatever Edward and Lilly need me to be, regardless of unrequited feelings.

A knock on the door sends my heart racing in my chest. With a deep breath, I open the door and set eyes on the most beautiful sight in the world.

Standing there holding Lilly in her carrier, with a diaper bag slung over one shoulder, is Edward in all his glory. Dressed in khaki's and a blue button down, he looks like a GQ model; the image is only solidified by the messy bronze mop on his head and piercing green eyes. Realizing I've been staring just a little too long, I invite him in while the heat of my blush creeps up my cheeks.

"Thanks for doing this, Bella. I hope we're not inconveniencing you too much," he stated in his warm, velvety voice and place Lilly's carrier on the bed.

"No, not at all; I've missed her," I said while taking the diaper bag and removing the premade bottles to place in the refrigerator.

"Oh, that's right. Alice mentioned you've been out of work. Are you feeling better?" I looked up at him then and saw warm concern flooding his eyes.

"I'm fine. It was nothing." I look away, not wanting him to see the lie.

"If you're sure; I'd be more than happy to check you over if you don't already have a doctor here." The tone of his voice suggested something more, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what.

"Really, I'm fine. Thank you for your concern though." Needing to change the subject I ask a question that's been at the back of my mind ever since Edward asked me to watch Lilly. "So, why did you need me to do this anyway? Not that I mind, but you have a lot of family; I'm sure they would have loved to take Lilly this morning."

"Oh, of course, but it seems that they are all busy. My schedule changed slightly this week, normally I go in at 8, and I just drop Lilly off to Alice at the daycare knowing that she'll only have to handle her for a little while before you arrive. Now that I have to be in at 7, I didn't feel comfortable having Alice watch over all those other kids and Lilly for nearly two hours. Besides, the daycare isn't even open yet and I didn't want to make Alice rush getting her opening work done while toting Lilly around."

"That's very considerate of you but what about Rose? Your Mom?"

"Rose has an appointment before work and Mom is meeting early with a client. Before you can ask, Jasper had some case files to work on and Emmett had to meet up with the Port Angeles police chief in P.A. this morning."

"Oh."

"Bella, are you sure this is ok? I'm getting the impression that maybe you feel a little put out by my asking you to watch Lilly." His voice was full of disappointment.

"No…no, I just…I don't know. I guess I just wonder…why me?" Shit, this is harder than I thought. I was hoping my resolve to let what will be, happen; that it would mean the end of my automatic insecurity. Guess I was wrong. I couldn't look at Edward so I just stared at the floor.

Pulling my chin up so I couldn't help but look at him, Edward asked, "what do you mean, why you? Bella, that's just a ridiculous question." He let go of me then and started pacing while running his hand through his hair, the other shoved firmly in his pocket.

"Lilly has been miserable without you. At first I couldn't be sure that that was in fact her problem, but seeing how calm she is now while still strapped in the carrier – which she hates by the way – I know that her only problem was not being near you."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I've been so selfish.

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault if you were sick, but I don't want you to question for one moment why I chose you to watch Lilly."

I could only nod in understanding, not sure if my voice could penetrate the lump in my throat.

"Listen I've got to get going, but I really want to talk to you some more. Would you mind watching Lilly tonight? I don't get off until 7 but maybe we could talk when I come by to get her?" He sounded so hopeful that I couldn't find it in myself to say no.

"Sure…I think I'd like that."

"Great, how about I grab us dinner from the Inn Place? Just text me what you'd like and I'll pick it up on my way."

"You don't have to do that."

"It's no big deal; I mean we both have to eat, right?" I just nodded.

"Now that that's settled, I've really got to go." Edward leaned in and gave Lilly a kiss and said his goodbyes.

Just before he left my room, Edward reached out and pulled me into a hug. I wasn't sure what to do and before I could respond in any way he said, "Have a good day Bella, I'll see you soon."

With a slight squeeze and a kiss to the top of my head, he was gone; leaving me completely stunned.

Choosing to shake it off and just revel in the feeling of his arms around me, I went to Lilly's carrier and settled into our peaceful morning before we both needed to head over to the daycare.

The day felt like it was both flying by and standing still. I couldn't wait to get back to my room and see Edward again. I was eager to start our friendship, that's a new feeling for me; wanting to pursue any sort of relationship with a person. That didn't stop me from being excited about it thought. My new resolve to go with the flow may not have stopped my insecurities, but it has helped me to stop questioning every step I take.

I also made sure not to avoid Alice and Rose while at work. Everything seemed to be falling back into place. It's strange that after only a week, I missed having my lunch break with either Rose or Alice, but I did. It was nice to have that camaraderie back; as long as I put a little faith, a little trust into them, maybe it would always be that way.

Before it really even registered, Lilly and I were back in the motel room enjoying a little one on one bonding, waiting for Edward.

That night we had a very nice quiet dinner together amongst conversation about his family and Lilly. Edward didn't stay long that night, but before he left, I was once again pulled into a hug where he placed a kiss on my head before saying goodnight.

**~~~D~W~~~**

In the several weeks that followed; Edward, Lilly and I developed a routine. After that first day, Edward had asked if I would be willing to do this on a more permanent basis. Concerned about how his family would take it, I resisted at first.

Edward assured me that this arrangement worked better for everyone. Not that his family didn't love taking Lilly, but they all felt the constant switching of caregivers was starting to affect Lilly. Reluctantly I gave in, agreeing only on the condition that if the family wanted to take Lilly for an evening, they are allowed to with no resistance from Edward.

So a happy routine was formed. Edward's schedule had been permanently changed to where he started his shifts at 7am and alternated between ending at 5 and 7pm. Every morning he arrived with coffee from the nearby mocha stand and we would converse about things that held little to no importance; it was the mornings where I felt the most comfortable, the most normal.

The evenings were for more serious conversation. One of us would provide dinner and the inquiry would commence. At first I tried to deflect his attention from me. After a while though I realized there was no point, he already knew the darkest parts of my soul; why hide the details?

I wasn't alone in the sharing though, Edward relayed everything about his relationship with Tanya; it made me feel closer to him, to share in the heartache he felt about her abandonment. Of course, it wasn't his own heartbreak, but the disappointment he felt for Lilly to never know her mother.

And on those nights where our conversation seemed to get the better of both of us; we would spend the next night eating out, at the park, or just watching TV. Dare I say it felt like we were a family? No, I better not let that idea take hold.

Then of course there were times when Edward's parents wanted to keep Lilly, or someone else from the family would ask to take her for a day. I never denied them and because of that, neither did Edward. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt; I missed Lilly very much, but I almost missed Edward more.

I cherished my time with him. Those days when the family had Lilly, or on weekends when he didn't work; part of me was missing. I felt at home with Edward. I knew my feelings for him were unrequited, but he never once made me feel like I was an obligation or just Lilly's babysitter.

Every morning and every evening before Edward walked out my door; he would pull me into a hug and kiss either the top of my head or forehead. It didn't take long for me to return the hugs. It was so nice to be wrapped in Edward's arms and enveloped in his delicious scent; I never wanted to give up those moments with him.

I've noticed lately our hugs last a little longer, he holds me a little tighter and the kisses linger more than normal. I'm not sure if Edward is aware of it, but I'm not going to bring it up. It may be detrimental to my health not bringing his attention to it, because if those moments between us end it will surely kill me, but I can't help the hope that blossoms in my chest every time he pulls my body toward his.

It's currently Sunday, May 9th, and tomorrow will be six weeks since Edward and I have been seeing each other nearly everyday. I'm comfortable in saying that at the very least we are now great friends. I don't want to assume it could be any more than that. I'm happy with where we're at, and that's the first time I've ever been able to say I'm happy and mean it.

It's liberating to think that in a little under two months, my life has gone from completely dark and desolate, to being full of wonder and happiness.

I have the Cullen's to thank for that, Edward and Lilly specifically. My heart certainly hopes that more will come of my relationship with Edward, and my mind is still holding back, but I'm not worrying about it any longer.

Tomorrow is a new day, a day in which I get to see Edward, and I can't wait to see what it has in store for me.

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**A/N: **Well I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter will be up next week. I really want to thank all of you that have reviewed, it's never been required of you and because of that I appreciate every review even more; so thank you!


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **I apologize for the delay, real life has been rough. This chapter went a little differently than I'd originally planned but apparently Edward and Bella needed to have a little heart to heart. I hope you enjoy it and that it was worth the wait.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head.**

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**~~Edward~~**

I'm in love.

Utterly, irrevocably, stupidly in love.

Yeah, I've loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her back in March, but now…God, now I can't breathe without her.

The last six weeks with Bella have been pure heaven and utter hell.

It took me a little while to perfect my plan. The plan that would help ensconce Lilly and I into Bella's life, without pushing her away in the process. Alice and Rose were not happy with me when it took a week to put everything into motion. Bella was shutting herself off, avoiding everyone around her. Jasper had warned me it could happen and I begged the girls to leave Bella alone; they didn't need to push her farther than she already had been.

When my schedule at work changed slightly I knew it was the perfect opportunity for me. I knew my family would never admit that Lilly and I were becoming a burden, but I also knew they wouldn't object to a change in our arrangement either.

That first morning solidified how I felt about Bella. It had been a week since I'd laid eyes on her and the effect she had on me was undeniable. Being in her presence again was like coming home. I was giddy and happier than I've ever been. This woman has turned me into a fucking girl, but I don't even care.

I didn't want to leave her. I just wanted the three of us to stay locked in that tiny motel room and be the family we are supposed to be, but I knew I couldn't push her yet.

I couldn't help but pull her into my arms before walking out the door. Her body fit perfectly in mine and her scent enveloped me. I shouldn't have kissed her hair before I let go but I no longer had control over my body. My heart stayed with Bella that day and I've yet to get it back; I don't want it back. It's hers for as long as she wants it.

My colleagues at work have been casting strange looks my way ever since this arrangement started with Bella. I'm sure it has to do with the shit eating grin I have on my face every morning, but frankly I don't care what they think of me. Dr. Dimitri Sawyer asked where I 'picked up the chick that put that look on my face' because according to him only a man that has been 'properly fucked' could be that happy. Yeah, it took every ounce of my resistance to keep from ripping the fuckers head off. No one talks about my Bella that way.

Kate is still insistent about us getting together but says she's happy about whatever has put the smile on my face; if she knew it was because of Bella I'm not so sure she'd feel the same.

Kate's persistence is a little off-putting but she's at least sweet about it. Lauren and Irina on the other hand have made it their life's mission to capitalize on my happy demeanor. I've had to make a point to keep my interactions with them to a minimum; they seem to think my being happy is a signal that I'd like them to blow me in the supply closet. Um, no thank you. Jane is helping to run interference, I can only hope that they will get tired of the chase soon and leave me alone.

I've asked Rose to take Lilly tonight. It's been six weeks and I just can't wait anymore, so tonight I'm going to take dinner to Bella and ask her to make our arrangement even more permanent. We've developed a fairly solid friendship so I'm hoping she'll accept my offer to move in with Lilly and I. I don't want her to think I'm only asking because of Lilly, but I also don't want to pressure her by showing too many of my feelings either.

I know it's too soon for Bella. I'm pretty sure I've been pushing my boundaries with her as it is. The kisses to her hair and forehead are a necessity for me; if I don't do that then I'm going to jump the poor girl and I definitely will lose her for good. No, I need her to know how much I value her friendship and how much Lilly loves her. Once I have her in my home and we start building a family routine, then I'll sit her down and tell her how I feel. I just can't put it off anymore. I can only hope that I'm not pushing her faster than she's willing to go.

It may be cheating but I've told my father he can put me back on a normal schedule in two weeks; meaning I'll be back in the overnight and weekend rotations. It gives me an excuse to have Bella in my home and I know she'd do anything to keep Lilly happy. I'm a bastard for using my daughter that way, but I also know from my conversations with Bella, that she would resist moving in with me without a valid need for her to do so. Telling her that I can't breathe without her near me anymore would more than likely push her away, so I'm creating a reason that revolves around Lilly.

_You're manipulating her! How is that okay?_

I am not! Okay, well maybe a little, but my schedule really would have changed back to normal in the next few months; I'm just moving the timetable up a bit.

_Whatever helps you sleep at night._

Oh, shut the hell up. God damn internal voice. Drives me up the fucking wall.

I took the opportunity on my lunch break to text Bella about the change in plans for this evening.

**Bella, Rose and Em are gonna take Lilly tonight. Wanted to let you know –E**

A few minutes later I get a response.

**Oh, well, okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. ~B**

I can tell she's disappointed; she always is when Lilly stays with the family. Part of me really hopes it's because she misses me just as much as she misses Lilly.

I've decided that I'll surprise her with dinner tonight. I don't want her to feel like it's a date, so I'll just pick up something on my way and make it seem like just another normal night for us. I'm hoping that if we talk where she's most comfortable, then she won't feel pressured. With that thought in mind, I text her back with a vague 'see you soon' and continue on with my day.

**~~~D~W~~~**

My shift ended at 7, so I ran home and changed into jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt. Picked up Chinese from South North Gardens and headed to the motel.

To say I was eager to see Bella would be an understatement. This will be the first time we've been completely alone together. No interruptions from a fussy Lilly, no nosey sisters in the next room; completely alone.

Fuck, I'm nervous.

I find myself holding my breath as I knock on the door to room 217. I shouldn't be this anxious. I see Bella twice a day almost every day, this really isn't anything new, but this visit could mean the start of our life together. Bella may not know that that's what this is about, but I sure as hell do.

When the door opens I'm once again blown away by how beautiful she is. Bella is dressed more casually than I've ever seen her in yoga pants and a t-shirt with funky socks on her feet; her hair is pulled into a ponytail and her cheeks flush with the blush I love so much. She's stunningly adorable and I want to wrap her in my arms and never let go. Before I get the chance to do just that, she squeaks out a greeting.

"Edward? What are you doing here?"

"Well, since Rose took Lilly I figured we could have some dinner and talk," I said while holding up our dinner.

"Oh, well…okay, come on in then." She opened the door wider and led me into her room.

After settling down on the bed, we eat and talk about our days. Our conversation is comfortable as always and it gives me hope that Bella will be receptive to what I really came here to say.

"Um, Edward…can I ask you a question?"

"Of course you can. Bella, you can ask me anything, never be afraid to tell me what you're thinking." I hope she can hear the sincerity in my voice; I need her to feel safe talking to me about everything.

"Well, I was just wondering why you're here. Don't take that the wrong way, I love that you are, but usually when Lilly is with your family I don't see you either." Her blush returns and Bella seems to find fascination with the bedspread.

"Can I be completely honest?" She nods but keeps her face turned down. Needing her to see the truth in my words, I reach out and pull her chin up so our eyes lock.

"Bella, I love spending time with you. You have become one of my best friends; my day is not complete if I don't see you. The days Lilly goes to my family and we don't see each other, it feels like there is a part of me missing. I don't want you to think our relationship with each other revolves around Lilly. Please believe me when I tell you that if Lilly didn't exist and we met, I would still want to spend time with you." Well that was a little more heartfelt than I planned but I'm certainly not going to take it back.

"But…why…um," I watch her cheeks flush again as Bella struggles to compose her thoughts. With a deep breath she continues, "If that's true, then why have you been staying away when Lilly is with the others?" I can hear the hesitation to believe me in the tone of her voice.

"At first it was because I didn't want to push you. I didn't want to put you into an uncomfortable position. Bella I know your past makes you leery of people; I wanted you to know me before I just shoved my way into your life. After the first few weeks, I was pretty sure we'd developed a decent friendship; after that I don't have an excuse other than I was just a fucking coward."

I looked away then. This woman has disabled my verbal filter. Here I am spilling my heart out, admitting my vulnerability; next I'll be declaring my love, asking for her hand in marriage and begging for more babies. God I'm a fucking moron.

I felt her hand on mine and look up. "Edward, what do you mean by that?" Bella's eyes had a softness to them I'm not sure I've seen directed at me before. It's a look she always has for Lilly when they are rocking quietly, a look that always leaves me in awe; now it's directed at me and has stolen the breath from my lungs.

"I don't want to scare you away. I don't know what I'd do without you in my life. I was scared because I wanted you to know me, Edward - the man, rather than just, Edward - Lilly's father. I don't want you to think I'm like all the others in your life, I would never treat you the way they have, but I have no idea how to prove that to you. I was hoping to gain your trust without forcing my feelings on you, so I've held back. Only I couldn't hold back today, I wanted to see you, to talk to you about something important. Now though, I'm afraid I've said too much and you'll feel the need to keep me at a distance."

Fears I never thought I'd share with Bella have just forced their way out of my mouth. Why do I keep fucking this up? I can't bear to see the fear and apprehension in her eyes so I close my own and drop my head, fisting my hair in my hands, preparing for the devastation Bella's words are sure to inflict upon my soul.

"Edward?" I hear the tears in her voice and know I've ruined everything. The pain coursing through my chest threatens to bring tears to my own eyes. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to leave her, but will do whatever she asks of me.

"Edward, please look at me." Her voice is stronger this time and I look up, unable to deny her request. I'm shocked by the determination I see in her eyes. There is, as always, a hint of apprehension; however the normal fear is replaced with solid resolve and hope.

"I want you to listen to every word I'm about to speak and not question for one second that I have thought about this thoroughly." There is a tone to Bella's voice that I haven't heard before so I just nod and motion for her to continue.

"I have been hurt in the past, I've experienced things in my life I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy; you know all this. I've learned to protect myself by shutting out how my heart feels. When I moved here in January, my heart was in pieces; so much so, that I was certain it was far beyond repair. Then without warning, a tiny little angel burst into my life screaming at the top of her lungs. Over the next two months that angel and her family have pulled the pieces of my shattered heart together. They have smoothed over scars left by others, filled holes in my soul that I considered permanent. Fears have been eradicated; the voices of doubt and panic, ever present in my mind, have been silenced.

"I'd like to say its all been attributed to Lilly, but I'd be lying to myself and to you. It's you Edward that has healed me the most. You've proven to me that what I've experienced with Jake and Tyler is not indicative of all men; that my friendship and trust can be given without fear. You are my best friend, the best friend I've ever had in life, and I trust you with all that I am." Her tears were streaming and my heart was thumping. I didn't dare to hope that what she was saying meant so much more, held so much in regards to our future.

"Bella…" she holds up her hand to stop me.

"Please let me get this all out before I lose my nerve." I nod and she continues.

"Our conversations have brought so much of my past to the forefront and in those moments when I'm alone, I realize how much of my self has been closed off. I'm not fully healed, I know that. Your family, Lilly, and most of all you, have started the healing process; but I know I need professional help to really let go of the atrocities that have been inflicted upon me. That's why I called Jasper earlier and arranged sessions with him. I want to be healed Edward. I want to let people into my heart. Most of all, I want to let you in." Bella's breath hitches and I can't stay away any longer. I pull her into my lap and cradle her to my chest. Her arms wrap around me and her hands fist into the back of my shirt. While rubbing her back I try to soothe her fears, telling her that she'll never lose me. After a time, her sobs quiet and she relaxes her hold on me slightly before continuing.

"I don't want to live a life without you in it Edward. I fear that in saying that I will scare you off. You mean a great deal to me. I care for you more than I thought possible and while I know you will probably never have those same feelings for me, I can no longer keep them hidden. I'm so tired of being alone, I can't live life like I used to. I want all the things I never thought were possible for me; a family, happiness, and love. If I'm completely honest with myself, I only want those things with you, and I'm terrified. You have the potential to shatter my heart more than everyone else combined.

"You have unknowingly stolen my heart and left me vulnerable. I'm frightened more than I've ever been and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I considered leaving, moving away, in order to protect my heart; but how can I protect something that no longer belongs to me." Her tears have stopped and I'm left in stunned silence. Bella pulls away and straightens up before saying one last thing.

"I have no idea how you feel, I can only hope that you find a place in your life for me. If it's not possible then please tell me now because as much as it would hurt now, I know that if any more time is spent together, I will never survive the separation." I can see all the emotions swimming beneath her resolve. One wrong word from me and she will shatter. I can never let that happen. I'm desperate to have her in my arms again, but I want her to look into my eyes as I speak the words that will hopefully intertwine our futures.

"Bella…you have shocked me in the most amazing of ways. The things you've said, the feelings you've evoked; it's like you've said all the things I've longed to say since the first day I met you. I had resolved myself to play a role in your life in whatever manner you saw fit. From the very first day I've felt a deep seeded connection to you; I know you are meant to be a significant part of my life. Knowing your past I was certain that that would only be as a friend of the family and of Lilly. I never hoped to assume you'd want to open yourself to me, to want me.

"I will be in your life for as long as you want me, in whatever role that may be. As for my feelings, you are the only woman I can ever envision wanting. I want out of life what you want; a family, happiness, and a love so pure it almost hurts. You are that for me Bella. It hurts to be away from you. When I think about you no longer in my life, or you pushing me away; the pain I experience is almost crippling. This may sound ridiculous and I know you may not be ready for a romantic relationship, but I'll wait for you as long as I need to." Her tears have returned and my own are threatening to spill as well but I can't stop the flood now.

"When I dream of a girlfriend, wife, mother to my children; the woman I picture is you. This is not a conversation I envisioned for today, but I'm not sorry it's come about. I want you to know I'll never be anything but honest with you, and because of that I think you should know that I've fallen for you. I'm in love with you Isabella Marie Swan, and there will never be anyone else." The look of utter shock on her face is undeniable. I may have gone too far but my heart ambushed my verbal filter and I no longer have control. I fear I've fucked things up, but before I can salvage what I've done, Bella crashes into me; once again sobbing uncontrollably.

"Y-y-you…l-love…me?" she managed to choke out through her tears.

"Irrevocably so."

"Wh-why?" I pull back in order to see her face and wipe away her tears.

"Bella, you are the strongest, most loving, and most beautiful woman I have ever met. Despite all you've been through, you've opened your heart to Lilly, to my family, to me. I want to protect your heart and keep it safe. I want you to feel safe and at home with me, the same way I feel with you. You are the missing piece of my soul, Bella. The piece I never knew was missing until you stepped foot into Rosalie's living room that day. You've left an indelible mark on my heart and it belongs to you now, if you'll have it." Is it possible that I haven't fucked with both our lives?

"My heart has belonged to both you and Lilly from the beginning, Edward. I just wasn't willing to acknowledge that for a while. I've never felt as safe as I do with you. When you hug me, I feel like I'm home. I never knew that what I had with Jake and Tyler wasn't love, not even close, until I met you." Bella took a deep breath in and uttered the words that have forever changed my life.

"I love you too, Edward."

Unable to stop myself, I cupped Bella's face in my hands and did what I've been longing to do from the moment I first saw her.

The moment our lips met, my world became whole. Our hearts are no longer our own; mine is hers and hers is mine. There is no going back from here. Our lives are now dependent on each other and nothing could have made me happier.

The kiss was chaste, but at the same time the most amazing kiss I'd ever experienced. I broke away and buried my face in her neck, breathing her in, hoping to contain the sobs of joy threatening to break free.

We clung to each other for an indeterminate amount of time. Bella was the first to break the silence.

"Where do we go from here?" Her voice was hushed, reluctant to disturb the peace surrounding us.

"Wherever you want it to go; I won't push you Bella. I know you've been hurt by relationships in the past, so I want to make sure you're comfortable with how things progress."

"That statement is one of the reasons why I love you so much, and believe me when I say I'll let you know if things are going too far or too fast, but can you tell me what you want? I need you to be in this with me, Edward, I can't do it all on my own and I don't want to fall into a place where I'm constantly questioning if what I'm doing is right for you as well." Bella's voice was firm and determined, telling me that she wanted a partnership and not to be coddled.

"Ideally, I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to take you on dates, get to know you even better than I already do, kiss you whenever I want to. I want to do everyday things; grocery shopping, walking on the beach, dinners with my family. I want to hold your hand, share your life, introduce you as my girlfriend to others; I want to love you unconditionally. I want you to want those things with me." Please let me love you…forever.

"I want nothing more that to claim you as my boyfriend, Edward. I want the simple things in life with you, too. Relationships aren't easy for me, but I want to figure out my life from here on out with you in it. I want to love you and be loved. I want to spend my time with you and with Lilly. There is nothing you've said that I find fault with…" I heard a quiet sigh and knew there was more to her statement.

"I hear a 'but' in there Bella. Please don't hold back, you can tell me anything you're afraid of or any concerns you many have. Your comfort and happiness is my priority."

"This is hard for me, but…um…you didn't say anything about the physical side of things other than kissing; and well, I need to know where you stand on that." That blush I love so much flooded her face as she spoke and I know how hard it was for her to broach the subject.

"Bella that is one area I will never pressure you about. When you're ready I want to show you how you deserve to be cherished, how beautiful it can be to make love to someone. I've had sex with a couple of women, but I've never made love. You would be the only one I'll share that with. And even though making love isn't something I've experienced before I know that what Tyler put you through couldn't even be called sex. I'm more than content with kissing you and holding you close until you're ready for more, regardless of how long that may be."

"I don't want to hold you back, make you regret your decision to be with me," she said with a voice so timid it hurt me to hear.

"Sweetheart, nothing could ever make me regret being with you. There are ways to show intimacy with one another that have nothing to do with sex. Do I want to make love with you? God, yes, but not until _you_ are ready."

Before I could blink Bella was in my arms, just like she should always be.

"Thank you," was whispered into my neck.

"Oh, love, what are you thanking me for?"

"For loving me. I never really knew how alone I was until I met you. I don't think I can ever let you go now."

"You never have to Bella, you never have to. I don't plan on ever letting you go. You're stuck with me."

**~~~D~W~~~**

We sat there wrapped up in each other for so long that I thought perhaps Bella had fallen asleep until she broke the silence between us.

"So as my boyfriend, do you think you could help me find a more suitable place to live?" she asked quietly.

"Actually, that's kind of what I came here originally to discuss with you." I wonder if this will be too awkward now. I mean we only declared ourselves to one another less than an hour ago.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I'm worried that it will be too weird now." I sighed.

"Can you just tell me and let me decide that?" I can already tell I'll never get away with anything around Bella.

"Okay. Well my schedule at the hospital is changing again in two weeks. I'll be put back into the regular rotation, meaning that I'll be getting some evening and weekend shifts back. I've been thinking about this for a while so I don't want you to think that I'm asking this just as a spur of the moment sort of thing. But I also don't want you to think I'm only asking you because of Lilly or that I only want you as the help…" I'm rambling. I knew this would be awkward.

"Edward, please, just spit it out already." I could hear the amusement in her voice.

"Okay, well I was going to ask if you'd perhaps move in with me. Lilly adores you and now that she's getting older, I really want her to keep to a routine and sleep in her own home rather than go from place to place all the time. But I don't want to call you the nanny either, because then I'd have to pay you and that's just wrong since you're my girlfriend. I just…" Bella stopped my incessant rambling with her lips. I was shocked but won't deny it was the best interruption I've ever received.

"Edward, shut up. I actually think it's a wonderful idea. It's not really different from the arrangement we have now, except that I'll be in your home, and you don't pay me now so that's not anything new. I'd love to have access to a kitchen again and I think it would help us develop our relationship more; um…just as long as I can have my own bedroom, for now at least." Bella's eyes sparkled with excitement and I couldn't help but place another kiss upon her delicate lips.

"Of course you'd have your own bedroom. You even have your own bathroom. I don't expect you to do all the housework or anything like that; I don't expect you to be my maid. I just want you to be comfortable, be my girlfriend, and be a mother to Lilly. That's what you are you know, Lilly's mom." I don't think I've ever seen such an amazing smile grace Bella's beautiful face, as I did when I called her Lilly's mom.

"Do you really think that? That I'm like her mother?" Her words were choked but I could tell how much the sentiment meant to her.

"Yes, sweetheart, I do. You are and will always be the only mother Lilly will ever know." Bella's tears began again and I worried that I said too much.

"I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"No, no, these are happy tears. I love you so much Edward. I can't even express how much that means to me."

"I love you too, baby. More than you'll ever know."

**~~~D~W~~~**

It was hard to leave Bella that night. We must have stood in the doorway for a good thirty minutes holding one another and whispering I love you's.

Bella would be moving in with Lilly and I at the end of the week. Together we decided that we wouldn't tell the family until she was settled, then we would invite them over for dinner and let everyone know at the same time. She does want to meet my parents first though. I can understand her hesitation to meet them on the night I tell them she's living with me, but I already know they are going to love her. So Wednesday night we are all getting together at my place, then she can meet the parents and see the house.

If you had told me that I'd go to Bella's today and come away with the love of my life, I would have laughed in your face. I was certain she wasn't ready, that maybe she never would be, but Bella proved me wrong.

Her strength was proven when Bella admitted she needed help. I know that Jasper is going to tell her that eventually she'll need to face her demons and get closure. I know that together we'll have issues to deal with, but that's just it; we'll face them together. I'm never letting her go.

I wasn't lying when I said she was Lilly's mother. She is and always will be. My next task is to track down Tanya and serve her with termination of parental rights papers. That way, when the time comes, Bella can officially and legally be the only mother Lilly will ever have.

The next day during my first break at work I made a call to set everything in motion.

"This is Jenks."

"Hello, this is Edward Cullen. I was given your information by my brother, Emmett Cullen."

"Ah, yes, and how can I help the Chief's brother?"

"I need you to find someone for me."

* * *

**A/N: **I hadn't planned on the I love you's just yet, but Bella didn't want to wait apparently. It was coming soon, this just helps us get into the ExB togetherness sooner. Still not sure if there will be any full grown lemons, maybe just some juice or a wedge; we'll see how it all comes out. Bella may surprise me again.

Until next time :)


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: My sincere apologies for my slacker tendencies. I started a new job about three weeks ago and it threw my whole routine into a tail spin. I'm starting to feel like things are getting back to normal so hopefully my updates schedule will get back to normal. I know I promised some people and even posted on my profile that this chapter would be up yesterday. I'm sorry for disappointing you, I was far too tired to give the chapter any sort of decent attention and felt you deserved better. Still the chapter was tough for me, my new schedule has affected my though process so this chapter was kind of like pulling teeth. I'm not certain that I thouroughly like it, but short of starting over, I wasn't coming up with a way to make it better in my head. I didn't want to make you wait any longer, so this is what you get. I hope it doesn't disappoint too much.**

**On a side note, I'd like to thank StartTheFantasy for nominating me for the Inspired FanFic Awards a while back. I didn't make it to the voting round, but I very much appreciate the gesture all the same.**

**Ok enough rambling from me, I have to be up for work in less than 5 hours.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head.**

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* * *

****~~Bella~~**

Bliss. Pure and utter bliss.

May 10th will forever mark the beginning of the rest of my life. It was the day my own personal god told me he loved me.

I never imagined that things would go the way they did. When I was told Lilly would be going home with Rosalie, it pained me to know I wouldn't be seeing Edward for yet another day. Little did I know how wrong I was; not only did he show up on my door step, he brought me back to life.

Not even in my wildest dreams did I believe Edward could feel for me the same way I feel for him. My only hope was that I could start on the journey of healing myself so that I could continue to be a solid force in Lilly's life and hopefully a friend to Edward.

When I called Jasper to set up therapy sessions, he was surprised and wanted to know what had prompted my decision. I explained about wanting to heal myself so that I could finally start to live life instead of running from it. He said he was proud of me for coming to that decision on my own; I think it's the first time anyone has said that to me.

It was then that I knew I was doing the right thing.

So now, less than 48 hours from that phone call, my life has changed by leaps and bounds. I'm in love with an amazing man, with whom I'll be moving in with at the end of the week, and I have a daughter I couldn't love anymore than if I'd birthed her myself. When Edward said he thought of me as Lilly's mother I didn't think it was possible for my heart to swell large enough to hold the love I felt for him.

Edward had said things to me that day I didn't even dare to dream about for fear of disappointment. I still feel like I need to pinch myself, but the emotion in Edward's striking green eyes, told me that I had no reason to question his sincerity.

**~~~D~W~~~**

All the events of that day have led me to where I am now, standing in the middle of Thriftway stressing about what I'm going to make for dinner tonight.

When Edward came to pick up Lilly last night I insisted that he let me make dinner in an attempt to make nice with his parents. He told me it wasn't necessary because they already love me based on what Rose and Alice have told them. That may be true now, but how will they feel once they find out I'm moving in with their son and granddaughter?

I've had this nagging feeling that they'll think I'm nothing but a gold-digging whore. Realistically I know that's not true. People who make snap judgments like that aren't capable of raising children as accepting as the Cullen children are. However, the depth of my insecurities isn't letting me shake off the thought. I guess it's just another of my many issues I should discuss with Jasper tomorrow.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by Lilly's gurgling whine. Turning my attention to the sweet angel strapped in the carrier attached to the cart, I feel a grin spread across my face.

"I see someone is finally awake. What do you think we should make for dinner princess?" I brush the ever lengthening curls from her forehead and go back to my contemplation about dinner.

I guess I should go for something fairly neutral, seeing as I don't know their likes and dislikes, so I finally decide to go with a creamy chicken carbonara over fettuccini noodles. Since I don't know what Edward has stocked in his kitchen I'll also get fixings for a salad, warm bread and a nice bottle of wine. Lord knows I'll need a bit of liquid courage.

As I turn toward the produce section my cart collides with that of another patron. The noise and vibration created by the metal crashing together causes Lilly to scream out. Her frightened cries continue to elevate in volume and before I have a chance to pull her from the carrier, my senses are being assaulted by the annoying screech of a woman's voice.

"What the fuck? Why don't you watch where in the hell you're going?" I look up startled by the venom in her voice. Glaring back at me is a woman only slightly taller than my 5'4", with muddy blue eyes and dishwater blonde hair that rests on her shoulders.

Choosing to ignore her questions for the time being, I turn and undo the straps restraining Lilly to the carrier and immediately pull her to my chest resting her tiny face in the crook of my neck; her cries begin to quiet as I rock her gently and return my attention to the hateful woman still wanting a response.

"Well? Are you going to apologize for running into me or not? I mean, it _was_ your fault after all, _and_ I chipped a nail in the process. I should make you pay to have my nails done again. Jesus, can't you do something about the noise that thing is making? It's giving me a migraine. Maybe I'll make you pay for some Advil too." The blonde bitch begins to tap her foot impatiently and I stand there too stunned to respond for a few moments.

Once the shock of her accusations wears off, the anger sets in. Where in the hell did this woman, and I use that term lightly, come off accusing me of crashing into her. If anything we are both to blame, and she's got another thing coming if she thinks I'm going to pay for anything. My anger overflows once the comment about Lilly registers.

_Oh it's on bitch. _

I adjust Lilly in my arms before I speak so I won't be talking right into her ear. I have a feeling I won't be able to keep my self from yelling.

"Excuse me? Where to you get off speaking to me like that?"

"You're the idiot that ran into me. I can speak to you however I choose."

_Oh _hell_ no_.

"First off, it's called an accident and given that you ran into the side of _my_ cart, I'd be willing to bet that _you_ ran into _me_. Secondly, my daughter is not an it. She is a four month old little girl who was frightened and started to cry, she's a baby, crying is something they do. I can't just stop her because you might get a headache. Thirdly, you are fucking delusional if you think for one second I'm paying for you to get a new press on nail. I'm sure if you head down the cosmetics isle you'll find a new set for $3.99, and that's the deluxe kind. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish my shopping so I can get my daughter home." With that, I pushed my cart past the gaping skank and continued on my way.

I'd never had that kind of reaction to anyone before. Usually when situations occur that result in some sort of confrontation, I just pull into myself and take whatever is said to me. This time however she said disparaging things about Lilly; that shit just doesn't fly with me. Call me a mama bear or whatever, but the second that poor excuse for a woman called my daughter an it; I saw red.

Although I was able to finish my shopping without further incident, I could feel eyes drilling holes into the back of my head. I never saw the blonde again but I don't doubt she was the one shooting me death glares. In a dream world I would never run into her again, whoever she was, but this was a very small town and I had a feeling that we'd be seeing each other all too soon.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Pulling up to Edward's home, I felt my jaw drop in awe. He had told me the house was left to him by his grandparents and that the family came from money, but wow…just wow.

The house is a beautiful two story, cream colored Victorian; with a wrap-around porch and lots of windows. I haven't even stepped foot inside yet, but I know it'll be just as perfect as the outside.

I can't believe I will soon be living here. Of course I could already be here but I just didn't feel right moving in before meeting Edward's parents.

Before I let the nerves of that situation overtake me, I gather up Lilly and my two bags of groceries and head inside.

As I predicted the inside is just beautiful. Based on what I can see of the ground floor, everything is done in warm neutral tones with splashes of color that project an elegant feel while still being comfortable and versatile for a young family; one I hope to be a part of for a long time to come.

It feels strange being in Edward's home when he's not here, but he insisted that I make use of the kitchen before he made it home from work. So after getting Lilly settled onto a blanket in the living room floor, occupied by a tummy-time toy, I move into the open kitchen and get to work on dinner.

Once the carbonara sauce and fettuccini noodles are done, I toss them together with the chicken and cook it for a few more minutes to make sure the chicken is cooked through and the noodles are coated.

Once the chicken is done, I gather the ingredients together for the salad. Just as I lift the knife to chop the cucumber two familiar arms snake their way around my waist. My senses are overwhelmed by the intoxicating smell that lets me know he's home.

Edward.

My heart starts racing and I can't stop the smile from gracing my face. I've never felt this way before and I hope it never stops.

"I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful sight." His warm voice eases my nerves and helps me relax.

"And what would that be? Someone cooking dinner?" I can't help but giggle. It's an involuntary reaction to being in Edward's presence, it's like I've become twelve again.

"While that _is_ a wonderful thing, I meant coming home and finding my gorgeous girlfriend waiting for me. Dinner or no dinner, having you here with me is amazing."

Unable to resist, I turn in his arms and kiss his beautiful lips. Our kiss slowly intensifies until our tongues are tasting and exploring each others mouth. Eventually, needing to breathe, we break the kiss and Edward leans his forehead on mine.

"Hi," I whisper, still trying to catch my breath.

"Well, hello to you too, love." He pulls my body tighter into his for a moment and then pulls away slightly. "Is there anything I can help you with, to finish dinner? My parents should be here in about 15 minutes or so."

I can feel the blood drain from my face as I realize how little time I have left. I still need to finish the salad, warm the bread, uncork the wine, change my clothes…oh god! I can feel myself starting to hyperventilate, and before it has a chance to spiral out of control Edward once again crashes his lips to mine.

I let out sigh against his lips and pull away. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now can I ask why you were about two seconds from a full blown panic attack?" Edward cocked his eyebrow while still looking a little concerned.

"I'm nervous. I'm scared they won't like me, and then I realized I still have so much to do. The salad isn't finished, the bread needs to be warmed; the wine still has to be uncorked and I need to change. Lilly…"

"Shh, sweetheart, everything will be just fine. First of all, my parents already love you, this is just a formality. Secondly, you go get changed and see to Lilly; I'll finish up in here." With a deep breath, I nod my head and scoop up Lilly and my bag on my way up the stairs.

Too distracted to notice the spaciousness of the upper level, I quickly find Lilly's room and place her in the crib so I can change before doing the same with her.

Once out of my jeans and t-shirt, I slide on a simple plum colored, silk, cowl necked dress and a pair of cream colored flats. Stepping into the bathroom attached to Lilly's bedroom, I brush my hair and pull it into a low ponytail; I add some mascara and lip gloss, and hurry back to get Lilly changed.

After changing her diaper, I put Lilly in a pretty pink dress covered in white polka dots and head back downstairs.

Edward is just placing the last wine glass on the table as Lilly and I step into the dining room, he turns slowly and unleashes his breathtaking grin.

"Ah. My beautiful, beautiful girls." I feel the blush rise in my cheeks as

Edward steps closer and takes Lilly from my arms.

"My sweet little Lilly, you look almost as pretty as your mother." Edward pulls me into his body while speaking and kisses my forehead. I can feel the tears building in my eyes and I look up into Edward's face. I'd been referring to Lilly as my daughter all day, but to hear him say the words in this moment, just solidifies how much I love this man.

"I love you."

"Oh, baby, I love you too." Just as I was about to kiss him again, we were interrupted by the front door opening.

"Sweetheart, we're here," called out a woman's voice, filled with loving warmth.

"In the dining room, mom," Edward replied as I pull away slightly; not wanting to give the wrong first impression.

Edward gave me a questioning look and before I can explain myself, an elegant woman with caramel colored hair and bright green eyes enters the room followed by a striking older man with blond hair and stunning blue eyes.

Before Edward can make introductions, the woman who I'm assuming is Esme, pulls me into her strong yet warm embrace.

"You must be Bella. I've heard such wonderful things about you from all of my children, and I must say you are just as stunning as Edward said you were." Once again I feel my face heat at Esme's words.

"Thank you Mrs. Cullen."

"Please dear, you must call me Esme and this is Carlisle," she states while motioning toward Edward's father. "The way my children speak of you, you're already part of this family. And to be honest, I don't think it will be long before my son makes your place in our lives a permanent one."

_Wh-wha…huh?_

"Mom!" I look at Edward and notice a pink flush to his cheeks. Nice to know I'm not the only one that blushes in this relationship.

"Esme, dear, don't frighten the girl. I don't think Edward would be very happy with you." Carlisle smirked at his wife and son, his crooked smile a replica of one I often see on Edward's face, and then turned to me with his hand extended. "It's lovely to finally meet you, Bella."

"You too, Carlisle," I said and shook his hand.

Eager to escape into the kitchen for just a moment, I urge everyone to have a seat. "If everyone would like to take a seat, dinner is ready."

"Let me help you Bella." Esme offers.

"No, I'm all set really. Edward did most of the work, I just need to grab the main dish and we'll be ready." I'm grateful for Edward's help in getting dinner ready, but part of me wishes he hadn't taken the salad and bread to the table already. It would help in my attempts to stall. Our actual meeting went better than I thought it would, but I'm still feeling slightly flustered.

With one last deep breath to calm my jitters, I return to the dinning room; dinner in hand.

**~~~D~W~~~**

After the initial embarrassment experienced by both Edward and myself, conversation flowed surprisingly well. The more time I spent with Esme and Carlisle the more comfortable I became. I'm not sure what it is about the Cullen's, but I feel like I've finally found the family I was always meant to belong to.

The only hitch to our pleasant evening came when I returned to the dinning room just before sitting down to eat. When I came through the door from the kitchen, Lilly was nestled in Esme's arms. The moment my little girl became aware of my presence in the room, she started in with her squawky squeal that means she wants my attention.

"Good heavens! Edward, what is she doing?" Esme inquired; never having been privy to Lilly's unique way of saying she wants me.

"Oh, um, that's what she does when Bella is in the same room and anyone but me is holding her. She has a habit of insisting that Bella hold her when others are around."

I went to Esme's side of the table and took her into my arms. Lilly immediately quieted and grabbed for the bottle I had prepared, knowing she would be hungry just as we were sitting down. I settled into my chair with Lilly in my lap, cradling her with my left arm and using my left hand to hold her bottle steady, so my right hand would be free to feed myself.

"I have to say Bella, all of the kids have tried to explain how Lilly reacts to you, but I just thought they were all exaggerating. I understand now. You're her mother, in her heart. I think she's just letting all of us know that you are important to her. It's amazing, and you're a natural with her." Esme's voice was filled with motherly awe and I was trying desperately not to cry from her beautiful words.

"Thank you," I choked out.

After a leisurely meal and a glass or two of wine, I excused myself to put Lilly down for the night. Once she was tucked soundly into her crib, I returned to the kitchen prepared to clean up my mess from the evening.

Only, upon entering, I found Esme just finishing up with the last pan and drying her hands on the dish towel.

"You didn't have to do that Esme, I was just about to come in and clean up."

"Nonsense, sweetheart, you cooked; and since Carlisle and Edward were busy talking I figured I'd save you the trouble. Now let's gather up the boys and go chat a bit in the family room." Without waiting for a response, Esme returned to the dining room and ushered the guys back into the kitchen where we all proceeded to the family room and settled onto the couches.

We all talked a little bit more about life and work and Lilly. I knew Edward was building up to the fact I would be moving in on Friday, but I wish he'd hurry up. My nerves were coming back with a vengeance and I was afraid my dinner would make an encore.

"Mom, Dad, I have something I'd like to tell you." Oh god, here comes the moment where the find out their son is shacking up with some strange woman.

_Jesus, Bella! Get a grip, they love you. Esme's made that clear. You need to add this nonsense to your list for Jasper._

"Well, spit it out Edward. I can tell you've wanted to say something all night." Esme said with a coy smile on her face.

"Okay. I've asked Bella to move in with me." I felt all the air leave my lungs and prayed their reaction would be a good one.

A high pitched squeal resonated through the room, at first I thought Alice had shown up; then I realized it was Esme. Well I guess I found out where Alice gets it from.

"Oh, Edward, that's wonderful. I think it will be great for the both of you and Lilly to really bond as a family." I watched as Esme wiped tears from her eyes.

"Mom, why are you crying?" Edward asked.

"I'm just so happy that all of my babies have finally found their happiness. Emmett and Alice found their soul mates in Rose and Jasper years ago and I'm so happy you've finally found yours." I was blown away by Esme's words. I know that's how I feel about Edward and how he feels about me, but I wasn't aware that other people could tell.

"I really have, mom. I'd almost given up; then Lilly attached herself to this beautiful angel next to me. Now I'm never letting her go." He pulled me closer to his side and kissed my temple. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and Edward was quick to wipe it away before whispering in my ear, "are you okay?"

"I'm perfect." I smiled and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. A soft throat clearing interrupted before our kiss could become anything more.

"Well kids, I think it's time for Esme and me to head home. Have you told your siblings about this little development yet Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Not yet, we were thinking of having a family dinner here next weekend after Bella gets settled. Do you think you can keep it quiet until then?"

"Of course we can. You know how your sister can be, if she finds out Bella is moving in, you won't have a moment of peace. The least we can do is give you a week to adjust." Esme laughed.

We said our goodbye's and watched as they drove down the driveway into the dark night.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Edward and I spent a little longer just sitting in comfortable silence, wrapped up in each other on the couch.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"Would you mind terribly if I just stayed here tonight? I'm too tired to drive back to the motel tonight." I asked shyly while looking down at my hands.

"If I had it my way you would have moved in here Monday night. Of course you can stay. Do you need something to sleep in?"

After locking up downstairs, I followed Edward up the stairs and toward where I knew Lilly's room to be.

"I'm not sure if you had enough time to really look around the house when you got here today, but there are five bedrooms and three baths up here. Lilly's room and what will be your room are on the right and connected by a bathroom, I'm sure you figured that out already though. On the left is the same configuration. And then the master bedroom and bath is at the end of the hallway straight ahead. Downstairs, is the dinning room and entryway of course, but there's also a guest bed and bath, as well as a study, along with the open kitchen/family room. The basement has what Emmett calls the man cave, but really it's just a multi-purpose room. With Lilly I really don't spend that much time down there anymore." I knew the house was huge, but wow.

"Anyway, I'll just grab you something to sleep in. You can follow if you'd like or I'll just meet you in your room." Edward shuffled his feet nervously; he was so damn cute when he was uncertain.

"I actually wanted to check on Lilly real quick so I'll meet you in my room. Okay?"

"That's perfect love, I'll be right back." With that he disappeared down the hall and I went into Lilly's room.

After being given a t-shirt and sweats to sleep in, Edward left me to get ready for bed. Disappointed that he didn't say goodnight before leaving my room, I pulled back the covers and crawled into bed. Just as I was reaching to turn out the light, there was a soft knock on my door.

"Come in."

"Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?" Edward asked as he peeked his head around the door.

"Of course." I patted the bed beside me, wanting to be as close as possible to him now that he was near.

After settling himself against the headboard, I snuggled into his side and laid my head on his chest. "What is it you wanted to talk about?"

"Well I've been meaning to talk to you about this since Monday, but being that you were nervous about meeting my parents I thought it would be best to wait until that was over with."

"You're kind of making me nervous Edward, just tell me please." Oh god, did he change his mind about me? I won't survive if he did.

"Baby, calm down, I can feel how tense you're getting. It's a good thing, I promise." I released the breath I was holding and motioned for him to continue.

"After our confessions on Monday, I contacted an associate of Emmett's, a private detective, and asked him to locate Tanya for me."

"Why?" I interrupted before he could continue.

"Because I want to serve her with papers to terminate her parental rights; I want you to adopt Lilly, Bella."

"Oh my god…really?" I couldn't hold the tears in.

"You are her mother Bella; I just want it to be official."

"I love you so much Edward, I don't think you'll ever understand how much."

"I think I have an inkling. You are my life now Bella. I love you."

We sat in silence for a while before I asked something I'd been wondering about since the grocery store.

"Edward, what does Tanya look like?"

"Um, well, the last time I saw her she had wavy, strawberry blonde hair to the middle of her back and clear blue eyes, she's also a little taller than you. Before the pregnancy she was thin but not too skinny, I'm not sure how she looks currently though. Why?"

"I was curious, but I was also wondering because I was kind of accosted by a woman in Thriftway today, and she seemed to have so much animosity toward me that I've been trying to figure out why." Edward's body stiffened under me and he pulled my face up toward his.

"What do you mean you were 'kind of accosted'? What did the woman do? What did she look like?" He was speaking rapidly and I could tell he was getting riled up. Protective Edward was kind of hot.

I explained the incident in Thriftway to him and described the woman. Edward thought she seemed familiar but admitted that there were a few women that fit that description.

"Let me know if anything happens again okay. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you or Lilly." I agreed to let him know if I saw the woman again and just as I was finished speaking a huge yawn overtook me.

"You need to get some sleep baby, I'm sure the stress you put on yourself today has wiped you out. I'll see you in the morning okay?" Edward moved to get off the bed and suddenly I didn't want him to go.

"Stay?"

"What?" His eyes went wide with surprise, but at the same time were filled with hope.

"Can you stay in here with me tonight? I just…I don't want to be away from you." Embarrassed by my neediness, I stared down at my lap. I felt the bed shift and soon Edward was lifting my chin up so I had no choice but to look him in the eyes.

"I'd do anything for you Bella. To be honest, I don't want to be away from you either." He gently kissed my lips, nose and finally my forehead before pulling back the covers and settling in next to me.

Once the light was switched off, I situated myself back into the crook of Edwards arm. A sigh of contentment escaped me at the sensation of being home. Edward's arms _are_ my home now.

"Goodnight Edward, I love you."

"Sweet dreams baby, I love you too."

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**A/N: I only had a chance to read through this chapter a couple times, so I hope there weren't too many errors. Please forgive me if there are. I hope you enjoyed it and I will try to have the next chapter up in a week or so. If I promise nothing else, I will have this chapter up sooner than this one was. **

**Thank you for reading and sticking with me.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Well, I got it out a little sooner than the last. The last chapter, this one, and at the very least, the next; are kind of transitional chapters. They will set up future events and guide the plot where it needs to go. For the most part, the angst is done. E&B will have things to overcome but it won't have anything to do with their relationship. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Edward has a bit of a rough day.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head. I also don't own Ron Pope's beautiful lyrics.**

* * *

You look so small wrapped up in my arms  
I'm so in love with you

I'm yours if you're mine  
Don't waste no more time

I want to live  
I want to love you the right way  
And I want to fall asleep and then wake up with you beside me  
I won't spend the rest of my life running from everything that's right  
I want to live

The Right Way ~ Ron Pope

**~~Edward~~**

Waking up with Bella curled around me has left me without words and reflecting on how much things have changed.

I never imagined two months ago when I was agonizing over putting Lilly in daycare, that it would lead me to finding the love of my life.

After the fiasco that was Tanya, I just knew I would never find the kind of love my siblings have been so blessed to find. Relationships have never been easy for me. Not because I'm afraid of commitment or anything like that. In fact aside from finishing med school, finding a wife and having a family of my own has always been a top priority.

It just always seemed that I attracted the wrong girls. In high school, I received attention from the whores. It's cruel to say but there really is no other way to put it. It seemed that only the girls who spread their legs for every other guy were brave enough to approach me. I was by no means a vain person growing up, but I'm also realistic. The Cullen's were always known as the pretty ones, and since we came from money, that just added to the mystique. I didn't want girls that were only drawn to my looks and fortune. I wanted a girl with brains and a heart. Needless to say, there aren't many of those in Forks that I wasn't already related to.

In college the dating situation just got that much worse. Now, not only were the girls attracted by looks and money, but also the idea that I was becoming a doctor. To most of the girls I encountered I was just a handsome, rich doctor-to-be that could up their social status. That only continued when I moved back home.

No one has ever taken the time to really see the Edward under it all. If they'd taken a minute to dig a little deeper they would have seen the quiet, reserved, intellectual family man that I really am.

That's where my love for Bella has only increased. Over the last two months she's proven again and again that my money and profession mean nothing to her. The conversations we've had have proven that, and I also know that even without all the hell she's gone through, she'd still be the woman I fell in love with.

Bella's nature is that of a quiet, deep thinking, down to earth, simple woman. She doesn't need the extravagances of a privileged life. Give her a good book, some one to love who loves her in return and a quiet home, and all will be right in her world.

I'm thrilled that I can provide that for her. I know she has issues to work through, and I know that it won't always be easy for us; but she is my future. If I didn't think she'd call me crazy, I'd ask her to marry me when she wakes up. My mother was right on that account. I will make Bella a permanent part of our lives sooner than later. I want to make sure she's in the right state of mind before I do though.

Shifting slightly I turn to look down on her beautiful face. Bella is an angel on this earth. I've seen lots of beautiful women in my almost 29 years, none of them have drawn me in the way she does. Bella's beauty is simple and classic. The kind of beauty that resonates from within, the kind that is effortless.

And now I sound like a lovesick sap.

_That's because you are one._

I just shrug at my inner voice. It's true.

Reaching up to brush a stray hair from her face, I revel in the peace her love has finally brought to my life.

"What are you thinking about so intently?" says the sexy sleep filled voice of my love. I look down and lose myself in her warm brown depths.

"How much I love you and how lucky I am that you've let me into your life." I lean in and kiss her forehead as she tightens her grip around my waist and presses a kiss to my chest.

"I'm the lucky one. I love you Edward."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

Not willing to wait one second longer, I lean in and press my lips to hers. With our bodies wrapped so tightly together, I can't fight the need to deepen our connection. Soon our hands are wandering and I'm using every ounce of will power not to grind my now painful erection into her warmth. My desire for her is all consuming, but I know she's not ready for that step yet. I need her to trust me completely before we cross that line. Pulling away from her lips so we can both breathe, I bury my face in her neck and confess my need for her.

"I want you, baby. I know we aren't ready for that yet, but I need you to know that no woman has ever affected me the way you do. I love you so much. You are the only woman that will ever have access to my heart and body again. Only you, baby, only you." Unable to contain my need, I start trailing kisses down her neck and along her collarbone.

Just as I think of pulling away, not wanting to push my luck, Bella arches her body into mine and lets out the softest, sexiest moan I've ever heard.

"Ungh…Edward…," her hands bury themselves in my hair and guide my mouth back to hers. Our kissing reaches a frenzied pace and before I know it, Bella hitches her leg over my hip and pulls my body flush with hers.

The motion causes her delicious heat to rub along my raging hard on and now it's me that's moaning in pleasure. "Oh, God…Bella…," the intensity of the situation is starting to overthrow all reason. Bella's body fits perfectly with mine and I can't help but wonder how amazing it will be when there are no cloth barriers between us.

My hands bury themselves beneath the t-shirt she wore to bed and I revel in the smooth warmth of her skin, all the while Bella is placing sucking kisses along my neck and it's beginning to drive me insane with lust.

Before things can go any further a piercing cry comes from the baby monitor on the nightstand.

Bella freezes momentarily and then scrambles off the bed and into Lilly's room before either one of us can address what just happened.

Well at least now I know she wants me just as much as I want her. I can't help but be concerned that I pushed her to far though.

Taking a moment to catch my breath and will away my erection, I listen intently to the sounds from Lilly's room. I can hear Bella moving around and getting Lilly changed. I want so badly to go in there and make sure Bella's okay, but I want to give her time.

When I hear footsteps on the stairs I decide to go ahead and get ready for my day. I'll just talk to Bella about what happened before we leave for work.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Before heading toward the stairs I take a peek into Lilly's room and notice that neither one of my girls are there. Bella's absence causes my stomach to roll and a sense of foreboding to overcome me. I'm scared that things went too far this morning and that Bella may be reconsidering living with me. Reconsidering…us.

Oh God, please let everything be okay.

_You won't know until you find her. So go!_

Rushing down the stairs in a panic, I immediately notice Lilly playing contentedly on the floor chewing on a plastic ring, but there is no sign of Bella. I can feel my panic rising. Moving further into the kitchen I come upon a sight that nearly brings me to my knees.

Bella is on the floor curled into the fetal position and silently crying. Damn it! I knew I pushed things too far. I should have pulled away when I first felt that line being crossed.

Rushing to her side I scoop Bella into my lap and soothe her until her tears subside.

"Love, what's wrong? I'm so sorry for this morning. I never meant to push you; I know we're not ready for that kind of intimacy yet. Please, please talk to me." I whisper in her ear while holding her as tightly as I can. A thin veil of panic coats my words. I won't be okay until she is.

"I-I…so-sorr…," unable to get her words out she just buries her head further into my chest and shakes it repeatedly.

"Baby? Are you trying to say 'sorry'?" Bella just nods in response. "Sweetheart, what do you have to be sorry about? You did nothing wrong. I went too far. Tell me why you're sorry."

"I just…y-you didn't…," she takes a deep breath attempting to calm down and continues, "You said to stop, but I didn't. I didn't want too. Then Lilly…I forgot about the baby. What kind of mother does that make me? I was so wrapped up in my sexy boyfriend that I forgot all about our daughter. I'm so embarrassed. I can't do this, Edward…I'm just too messed up." Bella's tears return, but I couldn't keep the beaming smile from my face.

"What the hell are you smiling about Edward? This isn't funny. You should have me arrested for neglect. I didn't even hear her last night. How am I going to take care of Lilly when you're at the hospital if I don't even wake up in the night?" She tried to pull away from me then but I didn't let her. Cupping her face in my hands I pull her face to mine and kiss her lips. Pulling back and resting my forehead on hers, I attempt to explain myself.

"Do you want to know why I'm smiling?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"You just referred to Lilly as 'our daughter.' To know that you feel comfortable enough to think that makes me so happy. Don't panic about not hearing her last night, she didn't wake up apparently, because I didn't hear her either. And baby, it's more than okay if we get a little carried away. I love you and I want you. To know that you want me too is wonderful. As long as you didn't feel pressured that's all I care about.

"Besides, it's not like we were ignoring Lilly, the second she made a noise you were right there with her. You are a wonderful mother; you will be just fine alone with her. I think we were both a little overwhelmed with everything this morning. All of this is new to me too, Bella. And if it's got me a little disoriented then I know that goes doubly for you. I'm always here to talk to, don't ever feel the need to be embarrassed around me."

Bella wrapped her arms around me tighter and spoke softly into my chest, "thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?"

"For talking me down. I was so overwhelmed with everything that I was ready to run. Just the thought had me crumpling in on myself. I couldn't ever leave you Edward. You or Lilly. The fact that the thought crossed my mind scares me. My emotions were in such disarray…I just couldn't handle it."

"The point to all that, Bella, is that you didn't leave. It's progress. You should be proud of yourself for even knowing that running wasn't the answer." I could feel my heart racing at Bella's words. I know she didn't leave, but it makes me sick to think she might have.

"I guess it's a good thing I meet with Jasper today. I think there is a lot I need to talk about."

"When is your appointment with him?" I had forgotten about her appointment with Jasper, maybe I should call him and tell him my version of what happened.

"It's at one. There are actually no other babies at work today, so I was just planning on dropping Lilly off before my appointment and then picking her back up when I'm done."

"Would you consider stopping by the ER when you're done? You could text me and let me know you're on your way down. I'd love to see you later." It would be nice to covertly show off my girlfriend to all the vultures. Maybe they'd back off then. Well, probably not, but at least they'll know I'm serious when I say I have a girlfriend.

"I'd actually like that, Edward. That is if I'm not too much of a mess after seeing Jasper. Speaking of work, don't you have to be going soon?"

Glancing at the clock on the stove I realize I have 15 minutes to get to work. "Shit, yeah, I've gotta go. Are you just going to hang around here until your appointment?"

"Actually I think I'll get Lilly bathed and ready for the day before heading back to the motel. I need a change of clothes and a shower."

"Alright baby, I'll see you later okay?"

"Sure will. Have a good day at work. I love you."

"I love you too, Bella."

With a quick kiss, I gather up my keys and head out the door.

I felt a little seed of concern trying to sprout doubt about Bella and me, deep in the recesses of my mind. Trying to ignore it and trust that Jasper would help Bella realize that running wasn't the solution; I made my way into the hospital and vowed to talk with Jasper on my first break of the morning.

**~~~D~W~~~**

My day was going like always, filled with bumps, bruises and sniffles; along with playing the keep-away game with Lauren, Irina and Kate. For some reason the girls, if that's what you want to call them, were relentless; more so than normal. Maybe I was projecting some sort of sexual signal after my morning with Bella, whatever it is I can't wait for Bella to arrive.

I spoke with Jasper briefly this morning and he kind of gave me an ass chewing. It's not that he thought I was crossing the line by approaching him with the problems from the morning, but he would rather have had Bella discuss it with him first; at least until he has the chance to talk things over with her. Jasper did make a decent suggestion though, and that was to consider joint counseling with both Bella and I.

I actually think it's a great idea. My feelings after this morning have been a bit tumultuous, maybe if we talk with Jasper together, both of our fears and apprehensions can be addressed. Whatever will help Bella learn to trust in her self and us, I'm willing to do.

My internal ramblings are disrupted by yet another seduction attempt.

"Dr. Cullen, can I speak with you for a moment? In private?" grated Irina's high pitched voice.

"Whatever you need to speak to me about Irina, can be discussed here. If not then it's not appropriate for work." Maybe my cold emotionless tone would get the point across.

"Oh, well…I was just going on my afternoon break and thought maybe you'd like to join me. We could spend it in your office. I believe I have something that would be very satisfying." While she was speaking, Irina shifted herself closer and tried to rub her breasts on my arm. Ugh, disgusting.

"I don't believe my girlfriend, who happens to be the love of my life, would be very happy with me if I took you up on your offer." God, I loved being able to say that.

"Oh please, Edward, we all know you don't have a girlfriend. No woman wants to get strapped down with a single father."

"If that's what you think then what the hell are you doing propositioning me?" What the fuck?

"I don't want you for a relationship, I just wanna fuck." I think I may have bruised my jaw when it hit the floor. Who would want to admit they are nothing but a whore. Desperate to get away before I'm physically ill from the implication of her words, I use the one thing I was hoping I never would have to.

My dad.

"Irina, I would suggest you never make any sort of advances toward me again. If you do, then you'll leave me no choice but to take this matter to Dr. Cullen and human resources. I have a feeling it wouldn't be the first sexual harassment charge on your record."

"Why would you talk to yourself about me?" she said with a completely serious look on her face. How can an educated woman be so stupid? Someone tell me, please.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen, Chief of Staff, my father, also known as your superior; do you understand now?" Okay so that was a little condescending, but really? Do you blame me? Didn't think so.

"Whatever, Edward. I know you want me, when you get tired of your plaything and need a real fuck, come find me. I'll be waiting."

I can _not_ believe the audacity of these women. Well, it may be jumping the gun a little, but she can bet her ass I'll be mentioning this to my Dad. If he thinks I should file an official report then I will. I'm not about to let someone jeopardize what I have with Bella, and something about that interaction has me feeling uneasy.

The rest of my day was going better and I found myself watching the clock and my phone waiting to hear from Bella. Her appointment was at 1, so I'm expecting her to be done around 2. At ten after two a patient with chest pain came in. Not wanting to miss Bella, I text her to just come down and ask for me at the check in desk. I also alerted Suzanne, who works the desk, that I was expecting my girlfriend. I wanted her to wait for me in the break room if I was still occupied. Lord knows what would happen if I left her out where Dr. Sawyer or any of the others could hassle her.

Forty minutes later and with my patient on his way up to the OR for an emergency bypass, I rushed to the break room hoping Bella was there and still waiting for me.

As I approached the room I noticed that the door was almost closed, that was odd because it was always propped open. Just as I went to push the door open, I heard Bella's panic filled voice.

"P-please just leave me a-alone. Edward will be here soon." Shoving my way into the room I came face to face with a scene that brought my blood to a boil. Dr. Dimitri Sawyer had Bella pressed up against the back wall. He wasn't physically touching her but he did have her cornered and the look of fear on her face was one I never wanted to see again.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I shouted while grabbing his arm and forcing him away. Before dealing with Dimitri any further, I reached out and pulled Bella into my embrace. "Are you alright?" Unable to speak, Bella just nodded into my chest. Turning in Bella's arms to keep her behind me, I addressed the bastard that dared to frighten my girl.

"Care to explain yourself Dr. Sawyer?"

"It was nothing. Just trying to give a proper welcome to the sexy little thing behind you."

"What the hell is wrong with you people today? First off, you have no right to force yourself into someone else's personal space, regardless of who they are; especially one that is clearly telling you to back away. Secondly, you can bet your ass that Carlisle will hear about this. He won't be happy to find out how you accosted his soon to be daughter-in-law." I felt Bella clutch a little tighter to my sides and press a kiss between my shoulder blades. Hope that means I didn't freak her out by implying we would be married soon.

"Whoa, dude, fuck…I didn't know she was practically Carlisle's family."

"Exactly, you didn't know who she was. There have been times we've had family of patients wait in here, she could have been anyone. You do not treat people that way; this is a hospital for Christ's sake." I'm seriously through with today.

"Whatever, it's not like anything is going to happen. It'll just look like Dr. Cullen is playing favorites." Dimitri had a smug smirk on his face after making that statement. He obviously doesn't know my Dad very well.

"I guess we'll see about that." Wrapping my arm around Bella, I lead her from the room and straight for the nurse's station. "Jane, could you page Carlisle down here for me, STAT."

"Sure thing, Dr. Cullen." Looking around, I notice how everyone is starting to stare at Bella. Is it a full moon? I know I've been single for the majority of the last year, but this is getting ridiculous. Hoping to block out the world for a moment I turn my focus back to my love.

"Hey, sweetheart, I'm so sorry about all of this." I pulled her in tighter and kissed her forehead.

"It's alright now, thank you for coming in when you did. I love you."

"I love you too, baby." I kissed her then, and as chaste as it was, I still wanted to stay right there forever.

A soft throat clearing burst our bubble and looking up I noticed my father smirking at us.

"Jane says you paged." I could hear the amusement in his voice. I was never this affectionate with Tanya.

"Yes I did. I have some rather serious things to discuss; do you have a few minutes to talk privately?"

"Is this about hospital business?" I nodded in response, "then of course. We'll go to your office."

After letting Jane know that I'd be off the floor, Bella and I headed toward my office with my father in tow.

**~~~D~W~~~**

"I just want to extend an apology, on behalf of the hospital, to you Bella. Nothing like the incident with Dr. Sawyer should have ever happened. I assure you he will be dealt with accordingly. As for Irina, Edward; I would like you to make an offical report with HR. She'll get a warning for now, but it will protect you in the case of any further issues. I would also recommend you let HR know about any one else that has been giving you problems."

I was slightly shocked by my father's response. Not that he wanted official action taken, but by the fierceness I saw in his expression. When Bella was telling about how Dimitri cornered her and shut the door to the break room, saying how much he could satisfy her sexually and many other vulgar remarks; my Dad's expression was livid. I knew last night that both he and my mother fell in love with Bella; I guess I didn't realize how much she impacted them. I've only ever seen that expression on his face when it came to Alice. He really did think of Bella as a daughter.

"Thank you Carlisle," Bella said softly. "I don't want to feel the need to avoid the hospital all together." At her words he stood and made his way for the door.

"I hope you'll let me know Bella if anyone else mistreats you here. I am going to subtly make them aware that you are in the same category as Esme and Alice. No one would dare treat them the way you were treated today. Oh, and Edward, go ahead and call it a day. Go get my precious granddaughter and enjoy the evening at home with your girls." With a wink he turned and left.

Turning to look at Bella, I caught a very contented expression on her face.

"What do you say, baby? Should we get some take out, pick up our daughter and have a nice evening at home?" God, that sounds good. Home. With, Bella.

"Yeah, let's get the hell out of here. Oh, and do you mind if we stop by the motel?"

"Not at all, did you need to grab something?" Please say you're staying all night.

"A lot of something's actually. I'm not staying another night away from you or Lilly. I hope you don't mind me moving in a day early." Bella's face showed nothing but hope and happiness, and oh how I love her right now for saying just what I needed to hear.

"I couldn't think of anything more wonderful."

It was in that moment where we both lost ourselves in a kiss, that I knew. It may be too quick for some, but I was going to make Bella my wife…soon.

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**A/N: **Okay, I don't want anybody freaking out. They aren't getting married in the next chapter or anything. It's just that it may happen soon. That being said, next chapter will be Bella's take on the rest of the day, the dinner with the Cullen's and a bit of a time jump.

Also thank you once again for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites. They make me happy.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. There's a bit of a time jump so be prepared.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head. I also don't own Ron Pope's beautiful lyrics.**

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I was searchin' for a place to go, somewhere to rest my head  
I'm tired of being alone  
And if there's room for me inside your bed  
Just keep me warm, and don't forget  
That life is sweet, so no regrets, and let's not sleep alone  
Yeah, life is sweet, so no regrets, and let's not sleep alone

And there is a story here, I feel it  
I've searched for something real, and I believe this  
You found me on the ground where I was bleedin'  
and you came around  
I'd had enough, I'd given up, I was broken  
Left to rust, hollowed out, life seemed hopeless,  
here you are, you see my scars, but still you're dryin' these eyes  
cause you are my, you are my, you are my reason why  
you are my, you are my, you are my reason why

Reason Why ~ Ron Pope

**~~Bella~~**

And to think I used to believe the emotional ups and downs I experienced on a 'normal' day were extreme. What both Edward and I experienced today was downright ridiculous.

I felt so guilty this morning for freaking out the way I did. It's not that I don't want to push those boundaries with Edward, because I want that more than I can even comprehend; but I have never felt the intense need that I felt this morning and had no idea how to handle it. If Lilly hadn't woken up when she did, I know things would have gone farther than either one of us are really ready for.

Edward is my rock, and I know now more than ever, that I can do anything as long as he's by my side. I explained as much to Jasper in our session.

To say I was nervous walking into Jasper's office this afternoon is a laughable understatement. There was so much I wanted to talk about and if Jasper hadn't already had a plan of action I don't think I ever would have left that office. Within two minutes of sitting down he had me at ease and giggling.

I can't say I was surprised to hear that Edward had called Jasper at his first available opportunity. Jasper was concerned that it would upset me to find out, but didn't feel he could keep it from me. I wasn't upset, not even a little bit. To me it just further solidified the fact that Edward cares about me and wants me to be happy. When I expressed that to Jasper he smiled and said he was proud of me.

We talked about my new living arrangements, relationship status, and involving Edward in some of the sessions. Overall it was a really great first session.

Before leaving his office, I made sure Jasper knew not to say anything about Edward and me to Alice since we wanted it to be revealed at dinner next week. He just smirked and said he'd come with his ear plugs ready. I left laughing about how we'd already been subjected to a squeal of epic proportions by Esme. We said our goodbyes and I made my way down to see Edward.

I felt like I was on cloud nine after my mini breakdown this morning and I knew that seeing Edward was going to make it that much sweeter. I also wanted to tell him that I didn't want to stay away any longer. I was moving in tonight. I just couldn't see spending another night away from him.

The events that happened over the next hour were ones that I wish I'd never had to experience, but my Edward was there to protect me, and in turn I felt the need to protect him.

Edward had mentioned the problems he'd been having with the women he worked with, and he'd also mentioned what a slime he thought Dr. Sawyer was. Part of me had thought Edward was exaggerating slightly just because he was frustrated with the situation. Sadly, it appears as though he was holding back a bit.

The fire I saw in Carlisle's eyes while I was explaining what happened with Dr. Sawyer made my heart swell. It wasn't the reaction of a chief of medicine but that of a father, and it was something so new to me that I was sure my tears would make an appearance. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve a family like the Cullen's, but they are mine now and I'm never letting them go.

After being given the okay to head home, Edward and I quickly made our way to our separate destinations; he went to pick up dinner and I went to pick up Lilly. We agreed to meet at the motel so we could get my stuff packed up as quickly as possible and finally get home to spend our first official night together.

**~~~D~W~~~**

After picking up Lilly, I made my way quickly back to the motel. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot I noticed Edward's Volvo already parked, and glancing up toward my room, noticed the door was slightly ajar as well.

_Looks like someone's in a hurry._

Smirking to myself, I released Lilly from her car seat and made my way to the lobby so I could make sure and settle my bill.

"Hey, Jeanne! How are you today?" I asked once through the front door.

"I'm good Bella. What can I help you with?"

"I just need to settle the rest of my bill with you. I've found a more permanent place to live." I glanced down at Lilly then and got lost in thoughts of what my future could hold.

"Oh…um…you don't actually have a balance, so you're free to go, just make sure you drop off your key before you leave okay."

Wait…what? I was sure I still had the past two weeks to pay for.

"I'm sorry, but what do you mean I don't have a balance? I need to pay for the past two weeks."

"Well…Dr. Cullen came in a few minutes ago and paid your balance. I thought that was odd, but he said it was his way of paying you back for taking care of Lilly. I didn't think you'd mind so much, I know you've been watching her for a while now." Jeanne's expression was a bit apologetic and I didn't want her to think she'd done something wrong. She didn't need to apologize for falling for the Cullen charm.

_Sneaky, conniving, beautiful, sweet man. He's lucky I love him so damn much._

"Well that was really sweet of him. I'll make sure to thank him," oh he'll get a thank you alright, "anyway, thanks for everything. I'll bring my key back down in a bit." Waving on my way out the door, I turned and headed to my room.

Deciding to use this as an opportunity to spy on the love of my life, I paused just outside the partially open door of the motel room. There, sitting on the end of the bed, was the man that has changed my life. I could tell Edward was thinking hard about something and as I watched, his face settled into the most breathtaking expression of contented love I'd ever seen.

Unable to be away from him any longer, I pushed the door open and made my way into the room. Edward's smile became even more dazzling than it was just moments ago when he saw Lilly and I. He quickly stood and wrapped his strong arms around us, completing our little family.

Stretching up onto the tips of my toes, I gently pulled Edward's face toward mine and kissed him with all the love that I had.

Pulling away once we were both breathless, Edward rested his forehead on mine. "What was that for?"

"Thank you," I didn't know what else to say beyond that. Edward means more to me than I'll ever be able to express.

"Thank you for what love?"

"Everything. For loving me, for making my life worth living; I don't think I'll ever be able to make you understand just how much you mean to me. You're everything to me Edward; I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for that. So…thank you." I could feel the tears building and wanted desperately to keep them from falling. This was a happy moment.

"Oh, baby, you don't need to thank me. I love you so much, you are my everything. There is nothing I want more out of life than to make sure you have everything you've ever wanted. I will love you as long you'll let me."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

For the next few minutes we just stood in the middle of my tiny motel room in a loving embrace, our daughter nestled between us, losing ourselves in each others eyes.

"Come on Love. Let's get everything packed up so we can go home." Edward's voice broke into our reverie.

"Home…that's one of the sweetest words I've heard today." With one last kiss, we broke our embrace and made quick work of packing what remained of my previous life and headed home.

I may still have issues to work through; insecurities that I know will arise, just like they did this morning. With Edward around however, I will never let them run my life again.

My future starts now. I have a new home, a daughter, and a man that loves me unconditionally.

Nothing could possibly affect how beautifully my life is turning out.

Right?

**~~~D~W~~~**

That evening, after we'd moved all of my things into the room that would be mine, for now anyway, and after we'd gotten Lilly down for the night; Edward and I curled up together on the couch and talked about everything.

He told me more details about what had happened with Irina, it made me sick to think of a woman treating herself like that let alone being that forward with my man. Thankfully I could see the disgust clearly on Edward's face and knew he was just as disturbed by the events as I was.

He also told me about the advances by both Lauren and Dr. Kate Sawyer; explaining how he had no plans currently to report either one to human resources, and only would if they became as forward as Irina had. I understood his reasoning in not wanting to make his working situation worse than it already was. We discussed a little bit more about the situation with Dimitri, but after a few moments dropped that very uncomfortable subject and agreed to talk about it at my next session with Jasper, which he would be coming to.

Eventually our conversation led to the family dinner we had planned for next Friday and how we'd handle telling everyone about our new living arrangements. The old Bella would have been terrified and nervous about the idea and attempted to run, but the new Bella savored the idea of finally having the support of all the Cullen's and being able to move forward with her life.

This realization, being able to decipher the differences in my reactions, left me feeling very proud of myself. I truly have turned over a new leaf and was more excited now than ever to be starting my new life.

Sooner than I liked we were heading to bed, saying our goodnights with a lingering kiss and moving off to our own rooms.

After getting ready for bed and changing into pajama pants and a tank top, I snuggled down into the bed Edward and I shared the previous night.

I'm not sure how long I lay there, tossing and turning, but it was no use. I couldn't sleep knowing Edward was just in the next room. Grabbing the baby monitor, I made my way out into the hallway and toward Edward's door.

Not wanting to wake him by knocking, I slowly pushed open the door; before I could take more than two steps into the room, Edward sat up abruptly with a worried expression on his face.

"Sweetheart, what's the matter? Is everything okay with Lilly?"

"Lilly's fine. Um…god I feel silly saying this, but…um…I can't sleep without you." Feeling the blush creep up my face, I turned my head toward the floor, thankful for the darkened room.

"Oh, thank god," he mumbled as if he didn't want me to hear. "Baby, come here." Looking up I saw Edward holding the covers up on the other side of the bed, silently asking me to join him.

After climbing into his large bed, Edward immediately wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tightly into his chest. Lying so we were facing one another, Edward gently kissed my forehead and whispered words that calmed my nerves.

"I couldn't sleep without you either."

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Bella. So much."

Tightening my grip around his waist, I let out a contented sigh and finally allowed myself to drift to sleep.

Just before sleep claimed me fully I heard Edward say, "Sleep well, Love. You're mine now and I never intend on letting you go."

**~~~D~W~~~**

The last week has been amazing. There hasn't been a night spent apart from Edward except for the one time he had to work an overnight. We've talked about everything that could possible be discussed, and developed a routine in regards to Lilly; for the first time in my life I truly feel at home.

Today however, was going to be difficult for me. Not because I was nervous about the dinner or anything like that, but because I had to avoid Rose and Alice's questions all day.

They've both be suspicious over the last few weeks; it only increased over the last week. I've been happier than they've ever seen me and I'm pretty sure they have their theories on how Edward plays into that but I've done the best I could deflect their questions.

I know I need to be especially vague today because of the dinner tonight. It will be a relief to have it all out in the open finally, I just hope they still allow Edward and I some sense of privacy. I'm not exactly ready to share him yet.

After seeing Edward off, I got Lilly and myself ready, and headed off to the daycare.

I was going to be a pretty light day for me. Aside from Lilly, I've only had two other babies since I started working here back in January. Aubry just turned one last week so she's made the transition into the toddler room, leaving me with little Carsyn and Lilly. Carsyn's mom recently had a change in her job schedule and has only been coming two and a half days a week. It makes me a little sad, but he'll be one in a little over three months and will be moving out of my room too. I've decided that since Lilly will be my only baby, until we get a new daycare enrollee, I would talk to Victoria about cutting back to just part time. Only coming in when they need me, or when a new baby enrolls. Edward has mentioned in a few of our conversations how if I chose I wouldn't have to work, but that he understood my need for independence. I mentioned last night about my ideas with going part time and he seemed thrilled with the idea.

After arriving at the daycare, I pulled Lilly and her diaper bag from the backseat and headed into the office to sign in for the day and speak with Victoria.

"Good morning, Bella!" chirped Maggie. She's one of the few people I trust to watch my babies when I'm not around, especially after the Jessica fiasco, and is one of the sweetest people I've ever met.

"Morning, Maggie! Is Vicky available?"

"Sure, head on back. She just got here about fifteen minutes ago so you actually caught her at a good time."

"Thanks, I'll see you later."

I knocked on Victoria's office door and was immediately told to 'come in'.

"Oh, hello Bella. I was actually just about to call you, what can I do for you this morning?"

"Well, I just wanted to talk to you about my schedule. As you know I've been watching Lilly outside of work for awhile now, and with my numbers dropping in the baby room, I was wondering if you'd be opposed with me switching to part time; only coming in when there are babies other than Lilly."

"Actually that's kind of what I was going to call you about. Carsyn's mom called yesterday and said that her job is transferring her to an office in Port Townsend, so she'll be moving. Next Wednesday will be Carsyn's last day, and currently I don't have any looming applications for babies. That makes Lilly your only charge. I certainly wouldn't keep you from bringing her in here everyday, but since she arrives and leaves with you, there really isn't a need for you to be here if you're more comfortable at home."

"That would actually be what I'd prefer. Thank you. I don't want you to hesitate though if you do have another baby enroll; I'd be more than happy to come back. Oh, and speaking of home, I need to give you a change of address and phone number."

"That's great Bella! I'm happy you've found a more permanent place to stay. So where is it?"

"Um…actually, I've moved in with Edward." My traitor blush flooded my face again.

"I take it by your blush that this was more of a personal move than a professional one?" Victoria's voice held amusement and she was trying really hard to keep from smiling, but it only caused her to have a devilish smirk instead.

"Ye-yes, it's personal. Please don't say anything just yet; we're planning on telling the family tonight."

"Don't worry Bella, I won't say a thing." Victoria seemed to get lost in her thoughts for a moment before speaking again, "so you must be the one then."

"Huh?" I wasn't sure what she could be talking about.

"Well as you know my sister, Jane, works closely with Dr. Cullen. She's spoken to me about the change in his attitude over the past month or so. I also know about what happened last week. I'm sorry you both had to go through that."

"There are no secrets in this town are there?"

"No, there really aren't," she said after a minute of laughter.

"Well, I guess I better get used to it. I can already tell there's going to be a bit of a stir once the news about mine and Edward's relationship gets out."

"That may be a bit of an understatement I'm afraid. I wish you luck, Bella. You are free to go today, I'll see you on Monday and Wednesday when Carsyn is here; otherwise, I hope all goes well for you and Edward."

"Thank you," standing to leave, Victoria came around her desk and gave me a warm hug. We said our good byes again and I headed home. I was thankful that I didn't have to face Rose and Alice just yet, I'm not sure I could have kept anything a secret today.

Before making it back to the house, Lilly and I stopped at the store to pick up fixings for dinner. Once home, we settled into our normal routine. I got the lasagna all prepped and ready to pop in the oven closer to dinner and text Edward letting him know I was home for the rest of the day.

After settling Lilly down for her nap, I straightened up my room and all of my belongings. I couldn't help but wonder if I should just move my things into Edward's room now. Lord knows I'll never be able to sleep in a separate bed again. I guess that's something we'll have to discuss this weekend.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Edward came home early from work; apparently Dimitri tried to start an argument with him about me. Little did he know, Carlisle was standing behind him at the time. As his punishment, Dr. Sawyer was given the rest of Edward's shift, again, and also has to pull doubles all weekend; leaving Edward's schedule free until Monday. It's too bad that a grown man felt the need to resort to childish tactics, but I can't say I'm disappointed with the outcome.

"Hey, baby, is there anything you need me to help with before our guests arrive." Edward said as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, and kissed my neck.

"Nope, everything's set. I've just got to put the lasagna in the oven and get myself and Lilly changed." Turning in his arms I leaned up and got my proper hello kiss.

"Mmm…I missed you today. I'm so glad I don't go back to work until Monday. It'll be nice having the whole weekend with you."

"Speaking of work, I spoke to Victoria today."

"Really? What did you talk about?" His voice was full of curiosity and what seemed to be a little…hope?

"Well, other than Lilly, I only have one baby and we just got word that this coming Wednesday will be his last day. So, I won't really have any reason to go to work unless we get a new baby."

"Okay, so what does that mean?"

"Well, I figured I'd just do the stay-at-home mom thing until we get a new baby at the daycare. What do you think?" I knew I didn't have a reason to be, but I couldn't stop the nerves from churning under the surface.

Before I could let my nerves get the best of me, Edward crashed his lips to mine. The kiss was filled with so much passion and love, it left my head spinning.

"I think it's wonderful, baby. This may sound very caveman of me, but I want to take care of you, provide for you. I told you that you didn't have to work if you didn't want to. I meant that. Besides, I think it will be good for all of us."

"I think so too. It'll be nice to focus on us – you, Lilly, myself – as a family. I want to make sure this works and I think having time to really get settled will help me in the long run."

"You don't know how happy this makes me, baby. I love you so much."

"Oh, Edward, I love you too."

After a few more moments where we just relished being in each others arms, we both went our separate ways to get ready for dinner.

With Edward in the shower and the lasagna in the oven, I scooped up Lilly and made my way into my bedroom to change before getting Lilly dressed in a pretty blue dress.

After that was done, Lilly and I went downstairs so she could get her dinner before everyone arrived. Not long after we were settled on the couch, Edward made his way back downstairs. Stopping to kiss us both on the head, he asked what was left to be done for dinner.

"If you could, just put the salad and bread on the table. Also the wine needs to be opened. Thank you."

"Your wish is my command, beautiful." With a silly little bow, he was off to the kitchen.

"Your daddy is silly, Lilly." I said to our little girl while laughing.

Not long after Lilly was finished with her bottle and settled into her swing, the doorbell sounded announcing the arrival of our guests.

"Edward, can you get the door while I check on the lasagna?"

"Absolutely, sweetheart. Are you ready for this?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Edward nodded and headed toward the door. Something tells me he's nervous too.

Once everyone had arrived and we settled down to eat, the conversation flowed freely. It was Emmett that inadvertently addressed why we were all gathered.

"Bro, this food is excellent. How come I never knew you could cook like this?" He spoke while shoveling another forkful of lasagna into his mouth, earning him a smack upside the head from Rose.

"Well, that would be because I didn't make it. Bella did." I glanced around then and received some questioning looks from Alice and Rose, along with a knowing look from Jasper. Feeling my face flush, I quickly averted my attention back to my plate.

"Dude, you pay her to watch your kid and now she's making your food too. Bella I hope he's paying you well."

"Em, a little tact would be nice." Jasper said, reprimanding his brother-in-law.

"What?" Emmett questioned.

Edward cleared his throat then, I guess that means it's time to get this over with. He reached under the table and grabbed my hand for support, giving it a squeeze and letting me know that we are in this together.

"Actually, there was a reason I wanted you all over tonight. As you know for the last month and a half or so, Bella has taken over watching Lilly before and after work. During that time, we've also developed a very strong relationship with each other."

"What exactly are you saying Edward?" Rose asked in an almost concerned tone.

"I'm saying that Bella and I are in a very committed relationshipm and that last week I asked her to move in with me. She very graciously agreed." Edward squeezed my hand once again and leaned over to kiss my temple.

"So you're paying the nanny, and dating her? That doesn't seem right." A very confused Emmett stated.

"Emmett!" Shouted Rose, Alice and Jasper.

"What? What'd I say?"

"Em, I asked my girlfriend to move in with me. She's not the nanny, or the maid, or anything else you may be thinking. I don't pay her either. She's my girlfriend and I love her with everything that I am. I asked her to move in with me because I couldn't stand being away from her any longer. Do you understand now?"

Edward's little speech was met with silence. I nervously glanced around the table and saw everyone, aside from Jasper, with stunned looks on their faces. Alice was the first to break the silence with the squeal I'd been expecting.

"I knew it! I knew something would develop between the two of you. It was meant to be. You are each others soul mate."

After Alice said what she did, I felt all the nerves and tension leave my body. Grateful for their support, I let the happiness of being surrounded by my new family flood me.

The rest of the evening was spent in pleasant conversation. At one point, we separated into guys and girls. Rose and Alice questioned me about how I was feeling once they got me alone. They explained how happy they were for me but wanted to make sure I was comfortable with everything. We talked for awhile about the way things developed and my sessions with Jasper. By the end they were ecstatically happy for me and couldn't wait to do 'sisterly' things together. I'll admit that sentiment was new for me, but left me thrilled nonetheless. We also talked about the work situation and about the vultures Edward works with.

Things did get a little uncomfortable when the topic of sex was broached. They could tell by my blush that things hadn't quite reached that level for us, but I couldn't deny my need for Edward. Our conversation dissolved into giggles and squeals at that point, prompting the boys to investigate why.

When the cause of our laughter wasn't readily divulged, the guys decided that it was time to head home and gathered up their tipsy wives.

A round of 'good byes' and 'see you soon's' were shared as we watched our family make their way down the driveway.

"So that went well," Edward said while nuzzling my neck.

"Yeah it wasn't too bad. Although...I never realized just how clueless Emmett can be at times."

"Sorry about him. I have a feeling that my mom dropped him on his head as a baby." Edward snickered at that which made me laugh through my yawn.

"You're tired, baby. Are you ready to head up to bed?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to check on Lilly real quick."

"Alright, sweetheart. Is it your bed or mine tonight?" Edward asked with a devilish little smirk.

"Yours, the bed is bigger." I leaned up and kissed the curve of his jaw before turning and making my way up the stairs.

Not long after, I found myself snuggled into Edward's chest drifting into a contented slumber.

There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

**~~~D~W~~~**

It's been a little over two months since we shared our news to the family and life could not be better. It's the end of July and Lilly is just over six months old. She's sitting up on her own and makes attempts at crawling. It's the cutest thing ever to watch her up on her hands and knees rocking back and forth in an attempt to move. The look of concentration on her face is adorable. I don't doubt she'll be crawling in the next couple weeks. She's also making all kinds of babbly baby sounds. At times I could swear she says 'dada' or 'mama' but I know it's just noise at this point. She doesn't really associate them with Edward or myself yet.

My relationship with Edward has grown by leaps and bounds. We've done sessions with Jasper and both have worked out ways to keep the communication lines open between us. I've also learned that at some point I need to face my past head on. I'm not quite ready to do that yet, but I've been thinking more and more about contacting my brother. Seth is the only person from my past that I feel didn't have anything to do with how messed up I was, and I think that with his help I'll be able to let the rest go.

On the physical front, my relationship with Edward has grown, but we haven't had sex yet. That doesn't mean that we haven't done anything. Intimate moments with Edward are ones that I cherish. I'd never been treated like the goddess Edward makes me out to be. He's helped me experience things with my own body that I never knew before. When we first crossed those lines, Edward made it all about me. He knows everything that happened with Tyler, and wanted to show me how much pleasure a woman can experience without even having sex. Edward has also helped me to learn his body, and how to give him the same pleasure he does me.

I know we'll be crossing that line soon. I want to badly, but I also want it to be right. I feel that the only way for it to be right is if I've finally put everything in the past behind me.

Is it a requirement? No. But at the same time, so many of my issues stem from the things Tyler did to me. Most of those were sexual. I don't want to have that baggage still weighing me down when I do finally give myself to Edward.

Today is another session with Jasper and I intend to bring up the subject of confronting my past. I'm tired of waiting and I'm ready to take that next step with Edward.

Ever since the first session with Jasper that Edward joined, we've developed a routine. We meet for lunch in Edward's office before heading up to Jasper's. Lilly always comes with us; she's too young to know what's really going on and spends the time we're in with Jasper out in his waiting room with Siobhan, his receptionist.

Today I planned on Subway, so packing Lilly into the car I make my way to the 76 gas station where the Subway is located. It's the closest thing to fast food we have in Forks. If you want McDonalds or anything of the like, you'll be making a trip to Port Angeles. Helps keep our food options somewhat healthy but doesn't help the convenience factor.

Pulling into a parking spot, I park and get out to unbuckle Lilly from her seat. Upon opening the rear passenger door, I'm greeted with Lilly's babbling.

"Ah-gah, da…ma," her expression sends me into a fit of giggles. After what is apparently a serious question on her part, Lilly tilts her head to the side and fixes me with her serious yet questioning stare.

"Yes, baby girl, we're going to see daddy. We just have to get lunch first, okay?" After I'm done talking she just smiles and resumes chewing on her fingers. Sometimes, I swear she knows what I'm talking about.

Scooping Lilly up and making my way toward the building, I can't help but feel like someone is watching me. Turning to look over my shoulder I see someone I never thought I'd see this soon.

Stopping dead in my tracks, I turn slowly to face the person from my past. When our eyes lock, a smile graces his face and I can't help but respond in kind.

"Bella? Is that really you?"

"Seth?" Before I can take a step toward my brother, the passenger door of his car opens and out steps someone I'm in no way prepared to face.

"Hey, Bells."

"J-jake?" I feel my heart start to race and my blood pound in my ears. Before I can register anything I feel the world start to spin. I clutch Lilly closer to my chest and pray to god nothing happens to her. I can see Seth getting closer but before he reaches me, the world goes black.

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**A/N:** So a bit of a cliffie. Sorry about that. I hope you all enjoyed it. Until next time. :)


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **I tried to upload this yesterday but it kept giving me an error. This chapter starts off with a little twist but it was necessary. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head. **

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**~~Seth~~**

Growing up I always thought something was off with the way my family treated Bella. I never really paid attention though until after she left.

I was only twelve when she graduated high school. It had bothered me that my parents and Leah didn't seem to care, but at that point there wasn't much I could do about it. When Bella packed up her things and left without so much as a word to anyone, I was devastated.

When I tried to bring things up with my parents, they blew me off; said she wasn't their problem anymore. I couldn't believe the things I was hearing. Even as a twelve year old I knew that no one should be thought of that way.

Over the years that followed, I tried my best to keep a relationship with Bella. I loved her, I still love her; she's my big sister. My relationship with the rest of our family has been strained to say the least. I will never be able to understand why they thought it was ok to treat anyone the way they treated Bella.

Part of me wants to understand how my dad sees things; Bella isn't his daughter, so he just doesn't feel the same way about her that he does for Leah and me. He also said he just followed mom's lead on how to handle Bella. It wasn't until recently that I realized his excuses were nothing but a load of shit.

As for Leah, well, she's self-absorbed and spoiled. It's not really her fault that our parents raised her to believe she was more precious than the air they breathe. Even I have never mattered as much to them as Leah does. She's a product of her environment and I know that Bella understands that. Doesn't mean she wants a relationship with Leah, but she doesn't really hold anything against her either.

It's Renee that I've developed the biggest problem with. I've never known another person to be as cold hearted as she is. I started noticing things when I was fourteen, Leah was sixteen. Our parents bought her a brand new car and gushed for days about their little girl growing up. At one point I asked mom why they didn't do the same for Bella. Renee's response? Bella was a mistake and mistakes are best forgotten not rewarded. That was the point I lost all respect for my mother. I promised myself that I would just bide my time until I could distance myself from the family.

That promise is what has led me to where I am now; driving through the wilds of the Olympic Peninsula in Washington State, on my way to Forks, to find my sister. I've given Bella six months to start a new life, but I miss my sister and I think it's time we had a heart to heart.

A voice startles me from my thoughts, "Seth? Dude, didn't you just see the sign?"

"What?"

"Are you even paying attention to the road? I knew I should have driven. We just passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign. Where do we need to go from here?"

"Shit, man, I was lost in thought. Honestly, I have no idea where to go. I only know she lives in Forks. I guess, I'll ask around at the first gas station we see."

"What the hell dude? I thought you said you knew where Bella lived. I didn't make this trip with you just so we could wind up at a dead end."

"Listen up Jake. I was never fully comfortable with you tagging along. I don't know exactly what happened between you and Bella, but it wasn't long after that that she started spiraling downward. If you don't let me do things my way, you can sit in the motel or go home. Frankly, I could care less. I only agreed for you to come because I love my sister and if what you have to say to her makes her happy then I'm okay with that." God, I have a really bad feeling that this is a mistake.

"I told you why I wanted to come. I just don't want to have this opportunity wasted."

Choosing to end the conversation, I just nod in response. Just then I spot a 76 gas station and pull in.

"I'm going to fill up first and then I'll go in and ask around about Bella. Just stay in the car, alright? I don't need you getting all hot headed before I find out anything."

"Yeah, whatever."

Once I had the gas tank filling, I took an opportunity to take a look around. It sure was beautiful here, nothing like Michigan. I mean sure, my home state was beautiful in its own right, but this was just amazing. Just as I was turning back toward the pump I noticed a brand-new silver Volvo XC90 pull into the parking lot. For some reason I found myself unable to look away, intrigued by who would be driving the vehicle.

As I watched I saw the familiar form of my sister exit the car. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. Here I was looking for her and she came to me. What happened next though froze me in place.

Opening the rear driver's side door, Bella proceeded to remove a small child from the vehicle. As I watched I realized there was a difference in my sister. Bella was always beautiful, but there was a new glow about her. She looked far healthier than the last time I had seen her, but above all she looked happy.

Before she made her way into the store, she turned to look over her shoulder and our eyes locked. I couldn't stop the silly grin from spreading across my face. My sister was here. God, I missed her. A smile slowly graced her pretty face making her eyes sparkle in a way I hadn't seen before.

"Bella? Is that really you?"

"Seth?" Before I could answer her, the passenger door to my rental car opens and Jake emerges.

"Hey, Bells."

"J-jake?" The smile that once lit up Bella's expression is quickly washed away as all the blood drains from her face. I watch helplessly as Bella clutches desperately to the baby in her arms and begins to sway.

Springing into action I urge my legs to carry me across the parking lot in time to catch her before her body hits the ground as she passes out. Just before I make it, Bella slumps back against her car sliding down it and falling to her side with a sickening crack of her skull against the pavement. The only thing she managed to do was keep the baby clutched to her chest.

Coming to a sliding stop on my knees next to her now unconscious body, I frantically call out her name, trying to be heard above the crying wails of the baby.

"Bella! Sis, can you hear me? Bella, wake up." Not willing to move her from fear of hurting her further, I lean down to make sure she's still breathing. As I assure myself that she is in fact still breathing, I turn my attention to the little girl in her arms.

Bella's arms were no longer wrapped tightly around the child's tiny body, but the little girl had her fists clutched desperately onto the t-shirt Bella was wearing. Her cries had changed into hiccoughing, breath stopping sobs. As I listened wondering if I should try and comfort her, it became more apparent that the little girl was saying 'Ma…Ma' through her cries. Could this really be Bella's daughter? I don't see how it's possible. I mean I'd seen Bella last December just before she moved away. She certainly wasn't pregnant then. Deciding to put those thoughts aside for now, I turned my attention back to my sister.

Just as I was getting ready to yell to Jake and tell him to get help, I heard a ringing chime come from somewhere near Bella. Looking around I notice her cell phone lit up near her legs. Hoping that whoever it was would know what to do I grabbed the phone and quickly read the text.

**Love, you know I'm not picky, surprise me. Hurry to me, I miss my girls. Love you. xoxo –E**

Since its obvious this person cares greatly about my sister I quickly dial the number hoping they'll know what I should do.

"Bella, my love, I'm more than happy to hear your voice but I'd rather see your beautiful face."

Well here goes nothing, "um…"

**~~~D~W~~~**

**~~Edward~~**

The last few months with Bella have been more than I could have ever hoped for. The therapy sessions we've been attending have done so much to help Bella become the woman she was always capable of, as well as help us become closer in our relationship.

We've spent more time with my family and it's gone a long way to helping Bella realize how a normal family should be. My parents and siblings have taken Bella on as if she was truly one of the family, and I couldn't be more proud.

Physically the relationship between Bella and I has grown. We haven't crossed that last boundary yet and made love, but the intimate moments we have had only prove to me that when we do finally cross that line it will be explosive.

Am I desperate to make Bella mine in every way? Absolutely, but I will never push her. I'm thoroughly enjoying my time worshiping her body and bringing her pleasure that she's never experienced before. My new favorite hobby is learning what makes her feel good. To have her bare chest pressed to mine, the taste of her skin as I gently suckle her breast, the scent and flavor of her arousal as I use my mouth to bring her to the edge and over; again and again. I also love that she wants to do the same with me. I can't even begin to describe how it feels to have Bella's delicate hands roaming my body. The way she buries her hands in my hair as we kiss or when I have my tongue buried between her legs.

My favorite moment to date has to be the night of July 4th. We'd spent the entire day with my family and by the end of the day my parents had asked to take Lilly for the night. Returning to our home without Lilly was strange for Bella but she soon realized how alone we were. After I had her spent and breathless, smug about the affect I had on her; Bella let her hand roam down and gripped my painful erection. Whispering that she wanted to try something she slowly moved farther down my body. Before my mind could register her words, distracted by the sensations her hand was creating, Bella was licking my cock from base to tip. The pleasure that followed as she slowly took me into her mouth was beyond any I'd every experienced; knowing that this was the first time for Bella made her actions sexier than they would have been otherwise.

I was pulled from my daydream by a snickering Jane waving a chart in my face.

"Get your head back to work Dr. Cullen. There's a four year old little girl in Exam 3 with an apparent 2nd degree burn to her hand from the stove." Handing me the patient's information she turned a walked away from me shaking her head the whole time.

Embarrassed by being caught thinking dirty thoughts, I quickly got back to work.

Before I was finished with my patient I felt my phone vibrate once indicating a new text. Knowing it was probably just Bella letting me know that she was on her way with Lilly, I choose to wait until I was finished to check. After applying ointment and a bandage to the sweet little girl's fingers, I assured her mother that everything would be just fine and sent them on their way.

Stepping from the room, I grabbed my cell from the pocket of my lab coat and sure enough it was a message from Bella.

**Hey Babe. We're on our way. What kind of sub do you want from Subway? Love you xoxo ~B**

Hoping that I hadn't kept her waiting too long, I sent back a text telling her to surprise me and that I couldn't wait to see her.

As I was walking back to the nurses station to finish the discharge notes on my tiny patient, my phone started to vibrate letting me know that someone was calling instead of just a return text. Seeing that it was Bella once again, I quickly picked it up.

"Bella, my love, I'm more than happy to hear your voice but I'd rather see your beautiful face." I couldn't help the smile from gracing my face. I just loved her so damn much. I wasn't however, prepared for what happened next.

"Um…this isn't Bella," said a distinctly masculine voice.

Interrupting before he could speak anymore I said, "Who the hell are you and what are you doing with my girlfriend's phone?" I did my best not to scream, hoping there was a perfectly good explanation.

"I promise to explain everything but right now there are more important things. Bella passed out in the parking lot of the 76 station and hit her head pretty good. I can't wake her up and I wasn't sure what to do." I could feel all the blood drain from my face and the panic well up in my chest. Before I could let my emotions overtake me though, I needed to makes sure both of my girls were okay.

"Is Lilly hurt?"

"Who?"

"The baby. Is she okay?" I'm worried about both of my girls, but being that I can hear Lilly crying in the background I at least know she's conscious. Bella will never forgive herself if anything happened to Lilly and the last thing we need now is a setback.

"She seems to be okay. Bella had a strong hold on her before she hit the ground and from what I can tell she's just scared. I checked and made sure Bella is still breathing but she hasn't moved since she passed out."

"I'll be right there. Don't move her." Hanging up before he could say another word, I told Jane to alert my father about what was happening and I made my way through the ER entrance.

Spotting Marcus Evans and his partner Riley Biers closing up their ambulance; I quickly made my way over to them.

"Hey doc, what's up?" asked Marcus.

"Are you guys going on call?"

"Nope. We were just headed out on break, why?"

"Could you give me a ride to the 76 station? I just got a call that my girlfriend passed out and hit her head. She's currently unresponsive but breathing."

"Sure thing doc, hop in." I quickly jumped into the back of the ambulance as the guys made there way to the front.

Although the drive was a quick one, I couldn't help but let some of the panic I was trying to suppress wash over me. She had to be okay. I can't live without her.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Upon arriving at the scene, I noticed a young man kneeling next to Bella apparently trying to soothe a screaming Lilly. He had a look of fear and anxiety on his face and it made me wonder who he was to be so concerned about my Bella. Standing off to the side but closer to them than the other spectators, was a tall muscular man with dark hair and a tan complexion. He also appeared to be more worried than the average person should be.

Jumping from the back of the ambulance before it had even made a full stop I ran to where Bella was lying on the ground.

"Bella! Sweetheart, can you hear me?" Checking her pulse and breathing, seeing that both were okay, I turned to the person I had noticed kneeling next to Bella.

"Has she made any sounds or movements at all?"

"No. She hasn't done anything since passing out. I've tried to calm the baby but she wouldn't let go of Bella's shirt." Just nodding in response, I turned back to my girls.

Prying Bella's shirt from Lilly's little fists, I gently pulled her away from Bella's body just as Marcus and Riley made their way over with the stretcher and their equipment.

"Shh, shh, baby girl. I've got you."

"Ma…ma…da…ma"

"I know sweet girl, mommy will be fine I promise." Gently rocking Lilly in my arms I could feel my emotions getting the better of me.

"Doc?"

"Yes, Riley?"

"We're ready to move her now. Her vitals are stable, pupils are equal and reactive. We've started an IV and have her in a C-collar just incase. There appears to be a laceration on her skull at the impact site, we've got it bandaged for now but won't know about the need for stitches until further examination at the hospital. Did you want to ride back with us?"

"Thank you for your help. Let me grab Lilly's bag from Bella's car and I'll ride back with you."

Ignoring everyone and everything around me except for the sobbing of my little girl, I quickly grabbed her diaper bag and locked up the car before climbing back into the ambulance.

**~~~D~W~~~**

At the hospital my father took over Bella's care. He had a CT run to rule out a brain bleed and some additional blood work. The laceration on her scalp didn't need stitches and after everything came back negative dad said she just suffered from a mild concussion. She still hadn't woken though and that had us all a little worried.

Lilly had calmed down some but every time she started to drift off to sleep she'd jerk awake and whimper 'ma..ma'. She had yet to make the two 'ma' sounds into one word, and despite her age, I had no doubt she new the meaning of what she was trying to say. She wanted her mommy and nothing else would do.

My father had decided the best thing to do would be to admit Bella for observation. He also stated that if she didn't wake soon he'd be running further tests.

Once Bella was moved to a private room, Lilly and I made our way there. Upon entering the room and seeing her mother, Lilly started to cry more and kept repeating the same 'ma…ma' phrase while reaching her arms toward Bella's still form. Hoping that laying Lilly in the bed with Bella would be beneficial for both of them, I quickly made my way to the bed and laid Lilly down next to Bella between her body and the bed railing; making sure to keep her away from the side with the IV and other wires recording her heart rate and pulse-ox.

The moment Lilly was next to Bella she clutched on to Bella's hospital gown and buried her little face into Bella's side. Not long after I laid her down, Lilly had drifted to sleep at the side of the only mother she's ever known.

Shortly after I had settled myself into the chair at Bella's bedside my mother and sister's came running into the room. Alice and Rose went directly to her side while my mother came to mine.

"Oh Edward, is she going to be okay?"

"Dad said she should be fine but she hasn't woken up yet and it has him worried."

"Edward, do you know what happened?" asked Rose.

"No I really don't. All I know is that she had stopped to get us lunch at Subway and was then going to head here for her appointment with Jasper. Before I knew what was happening, Bella was calling me, only it wasn't Bella on the line. Some guy was telling me that she'd passed out and hit her head. After that I grabbed a couple of EMT's and we made our way there. That's all I know. Until she wakes up and we can ask her anyway." Putting my head in my hands I once again tried to fight off my overwhelming emotions.

"Sweetheart, you've got to believe she's going to be just fine. Your father would have told you otherwise."

"I know mom," I said while letting out a deep sigh.

Before our conversation could continue Jane came into the room looking a little frantic. "I'm sorry for the interruption Dr. Cullen, but there's a man in the ER waiting room insisting that he's Bella's brother. I wouldn't bother you but he's starting to get a little irate. Do you know what I should do?"

Shock is all I could register at that moment. I mean I'm fully aware of Seth, but I'd never seen a picture of him and Bella hadn't mentioned anything about him being in the area. Feeling the need to handle this myself, I got up and made my way to the door.

"Could you all keep an eye on my girls for me? Don't move Lilly, she just fell asleep and has been asking for her Mama since we got here." Receiving varied positive responses, I followed Jane back down to the ER.

Once I made it to the waiting room I noticed the same two men that I did at the gas station. However, this time, they were stationed across the room from each other and trading angry glares.

I wasn't in the room long before I caught the attention of the one man that I had seen kneeling beside Bella when we pulled up in the ambulance.

"Hey, can you tell me what's going on with Bella? No one in this place will tell me anything." He sounded slightly agitated but even more than that he sounded completely worried.

"Hello. I'm Dr. Edward Cullen. Were you the one that called my phone?"

"Yes. I didn't know what to do. I never imagined I'd find her at the gas station and before I could do anything she was collapsing. Please, just tell me she'll be okay." If it weren't for the raw emotion I could see swirling behind his eyes I might have been a little perturbed by his concern for my girlfriend.

"Can I ask your name please?"

"Oh, shit, yeah; I'm Seth Dwyer. Bella is my sister. She moved out here about six months ago and I haven't heard from her. I've missed her and was hoping that she'd talk to me. Is she awake? Can I see her?"

"First of all, I'm aware that Bella has a brother by that name, but is there anyway you can prove you are who you say you are? I've never seen your picture and I really don't want to upset her anymore than she already has been." The more I look at him, the more I can see a resemblance but still I have to make sure.

"Um….wait! Yeah, here…" I watched as he grabbed his wallet from his back pocket and proceeded to produce a picture from within. Handing me the photo, I looked down and into the beautiful eyes of my love. These eyes however are not filled with the sparkle I've come to love over the last few months. The eyes of the girl in the photo are most certainly those of Bella, but they are hollow and pained. In the photo with her is the same man standing before me. Before I can say anything he also hands me his driver's license, proving that he is in fact Seth Dwyer from Michigan.

"Well Seth, I certainly can't deny that you are who you say you are, but if I take you back there with me and you cause her more harm than good I won't hesitate to hurt you." Motioning for him to follow me I turn to make my way back to Bella's room.

"Wait! I'm going with you. I didn't come all this way not to see her," said a voice I didn't recognize. It also didn't hold the same tenor of concern that Seth's did; the voice was colder with a hint of selfishness.

"Who are you?"

"Absolutely not!"

Seth and I spoke at the same time, causing me to look at him when I heard the venom in his voice.

"You are not seeing my sister! She was happy and smiling until she saw you Jake. I told you I didn't want you coming with me but you promised that everything would be fine. Well it's not fine! She's in the hospital because of you!" What. The. Fuck? Did he just call this man Jake? As in Jacob Black? That's the only Jake I can think of that would send Bella's world spinning off its axis.

"Jake? Jacob Black?" I questioned Seth.

"Yes, that's my name. Why is it any business of yours?" asked the man in question.

"That woman lying unconscious in a hospital bed is my life, my love, the mother of my child. I know everything about you Jacob and you can bet your ass you'll never get to her. Now, I am going to take her brother in to see her and you need to leave the hospital premises. Before you try and argue, let me inform you that my father is the chief of staff at this hospital, so yes I do have the authority to have you removed. Also my brother is the chief of police, so if you try and fight I will have you arrested." Turning toward the registration desk I informed them to contact security and make sure Mr. Black is escorted from the hospital grounds.

"Fine. I'll leave, for now; but I'm not leaving town. I will talk to Bella and once I do she'll realize that we should be together again. We have too much history to ignore." If I didn't have complete faith in the love Bella and I have for each other, Jacob's words might have some impact on me.

"That's quite an active imagination you have. Enjoy your dream while you can because if there's one thing I'm certain of is the love I share with Bella. She'll never be yours." Not wanting to be away from Bella one moment longer, I turned and led Seth to Bella's room, while security moved Jacob out of the hospital.

**~~~D~W~~~**

Once back in Bella's room and after introductions were made, my mom and sister's left us alone. There were things that needed to be discussed, answers I needed, and Seth was going to answer them. I had no doubts either that he also has questions for me.

"Have a seat Seth. I think there are some things that we need to talk about."

"Yeah I suppose there are. I think I may have a few more questions than you however, so why don't you go first."

"Alright, the biggest question I have is what happened? And why in the hell is Jacob Black with you?"

"To be honest I'm not sure I really know what happened. All I know is that I pulled into the gas station to fill up and ask around about Bella. I had known that she moved here but I didn't have an address or phone number for her. Before I even made it into the station to ask around, I noticed her car pull in. I didn't know it was hers of course, but it caught my attention and when I saw her get out of the car I couldn't believe my luck. Next I was stunned when she pulled the baby from the backseat. Frozen in place we both laid eyes on each other and almost instantly, she smiled. I can't tell you how long it's been since I've seen her happy Edward, in fact I'm positive I'd never seen that kind of contentment and happiness reflected from her. Before either of us could do anything, Jacob got out of the car and I watched as all the blood drained from her face. I reacted as quickly as possible but before I made it to her, she collapsed. It was only a few moments before I noticed her phone light up and called you."

"Alright, I guess we'll have to talk to Bella more about that part of it, but why was Jacob with you in the first place?"

"I'd been planning on making a trip out here to see Bella for a while now, but I wanted to give her time. About a month ago Jake came to me and asked if I knew how to get in touch with Bella. I'd never really known what happened between them, in fact I don't really know Jacob that well at all. So when he said he had made some changes in his life and regretted the way things went with Bella and only wanted the opportunity to make it up to her I didn't know what to do. All I did know is that it seemed once she was no longer with Jake, Bella started to go down hill emotionally. I had hoped that by bringing him here it would help her. That was obviously wrong. The thing is that all through our flight here and the drive from Seattle I got some funny vibes from Jake. It had me questioning his reasons for coming along. I guess this will be the last time I go against my gut." Seth leaned forward and buried his head in his hands. Seeing the obvious remorse on his face, I didn't feel the need to push him any further.

"I'm sure that Bella will have questions for you when she regains consciousness and anything I have left really should be asked with her awake, so what questions do you have for me?"

"There are so many, but the one that's been bothering me since I first saw her is, is she really a mother? Did I really miss that much of my sister's life?"

"Yes, Bella is a mother. No, she didn't give birth to the little angel curled up next to her, but she is the only mother Lilly has ever known. Lilly is my daughter and when she was two months old Bella came into both of our lives."

Just nodding in acknowledgement, Seth's eyes focused in on my two precious girls.

"Seth, you need to understand just how broken Bella was when she came here. Of course it's her story to tell, but she's been having weekly therapy sessions to repair the damage her life had inflicted upon her. I don't want anything to set her back. I have a feeling that some damage has already been done, I can only hope that with your help along with myself and her therapist we can keep the damage from becoming too much."

"Thank you for tell me that. I do have other questions but I guess I really just want to talk to Bella. Everything else can wait until she's awake."

"I agree. If you do think of anything you want to ask though, don't hesitate to say so." Turning my focus back to Bella's quiet bed I noticed the fingers her hand resting near Lilly twitch.

Rushing to her side I brushed the hair from her face and kissed her forehead.

"Bella, baby, can you hear me? Come on sweetheart, wake up for me."

Feeling her fingers twitch some more in my hand, I leaned down whispered in her ear.

"Please, Bella. I need you to wake up for me. I can't live without you. Lilly and I need you." Suddenly the hand I was holding in mine squeezed my fingers. Pulling back to look at her face, I was graced with beautiful chocolate brown eyes staring back at me.

"E-ed..ward?"

* * *

**A/N: **So there you are. Bella's reaction and her conversation with Seth and Jake coming up. Also, has Jenks uncovered anything about Tanya? We shall see. Until next time...


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **I want to thank those of you that are still with me even after the lateness of this update. I've had some medical issues arise that have affected the rate at which I'm able to update. Thankfully things are starting to look up so hopefully the next chapter won't take quite as long.

Quite bit happens in this chapter. I'm not as displeased with it as I feared I would be since it was written in small sections at a time. I feared it would feel too disjointed. That being said...I hope you enjoy it and thanks again for sticking with me.

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head.**

* * *

**~~Bella~~**

_Looking around me, I tried to determine where I was. The last__ thing I remember I was on my way into Subway to get lunch. I remember getting Lilly out of the car and turning around only to come face to face with my baby brother. God, I was so happy to see him. That's when it all came flooding back. Jake was here. No, no, no. Jake can't be here. Frantically I search my surroundings for a way to escape. It's then that I realize I'm no longer in the parking lot of the 76 station._

_How'd I get to the park? Edward and I were planning on bringing Lilly here after our session __today. What happened to my afternoon? Why can't I remember anything? Where are Edward and Lilly?_

_Suddenly I hear a giggle and __whip my head around. There, near the swings is Edward and it looks like he's pushing Lilly in the baby swing. Our eyes meet and he smiles that devastating crooked smile my way._

_Feeling my heart flood with love and happiness I try to take a step in their direction only to find that I can't move. What the hell? Edward's smile slowly slips into a frown and his eyes become questioning. Before I can tell him that I can't move my view is blocked by the intimidating form of Jacob Black._

_"Where do you think you're going Bella? I know you don't think you're good enough for that man and his child. What have I always told you? You're not good enough for anyone. You've always known that. Why else would your parents treat you like the dirt on their shoes?" His eyes were cold and vengeful. I'd never seen that look on his face before._

_"Of course I know I'm not good enough! I never will be! But they love me and I love them and you can't make me stay away!" I was angry. Jasper had been helping me through my insecurities but Jake was just throwing them all back in my face. How dare he? He doesn't know who I am anymore. I could feel the tears start to flow down my cheeks and when I looked up and past Jacob's body, I saw Edward pull Lilly out of the swing. I was certain he could hear everything that had been said, although his face showed that he was in deep contemplation. I would have thought he would be angry or worried; the idea that he wasn't sent my heart plummeting into my stomach._

_"You're not worth anyone's time or love, Isabella. Why I ever bothered keeping you I'll never know." __A voice sneered that I had hoped to never hear again. Suddenly Jacob was no longer standing in front of me, instead I found myself staring into the cold steel-gray eyes of my mother. When did she get here?_

_Please make them both go away; I just want to be with Edward and Lilly. _

_I wasn't able to respond to my mother's statement. Instead I focused on Edward. He no longer appeared to be contemplating the words that were spoken and had a look of determined resolve on his face._

_"They're right Bella. I can't keep exposing Lilly to someone like you. You will never be a good mother for her and I can't keep waiting for you to give yourself to me. It's time I moved on to someone better for both myself and Lilly. Don't bother coming to get your things; I'll have them shipped to the motel. I would as__k though that you not return to the daycare. I'd hate to confuse Lilly." With those words he turned and walked away._

_I felt my world stop at that point. There was no longer a purpose to my life. My heart, soul, and reason for living just walked away. I felt my body crumble as it collapsed to the ground. Nothing mattered anymore._

_"Told you." Those were the last words spoken by my mother and Jake as they too walked away from me in gleeful laughter._

_Piercing, shrieking wails broke through the fog in my head. Then I realized that the sounds were coming from me. I let myself succumb to the pain. There was no reason to fight it any longer. Letting the darkness swallow me down I only hoped that it would keep me. I had no reason to live in the light anymore._

I'm not sure when I started to feel my consciousness return; I didn't want to come back. I had no one waiting for me, no reason to live. Why couldn't God just take me away from all the misery? Hadn't I suffered enough?

Slowly I became aware of a warm body snuggled into my right side and tried to move my hand to feel what it was. I felt my fingers move but that was all I could manage.

Just as I was going to attempt to move my hand again, it was enveloped in warmth and I felt the familiar fizzy-tingly sensation I only associated with one person. But he couldn't possibly be here. He walked away from me, right?

I felt a light touch brush along my face and what felt like a kiss being placed on my forehead. Then I was enveloped in the sweet velvety voice I thought I'd never hear again.

"Bella, baby, can you hear me? Come on sweetheart, wake up for me."

I tried my hardest to grip onto the warmth in my hand. If this was a dream I wanted to hold on tightly so it would never leave me. I still couldn't move enough and I started to panic thinking it would all fade away and I'd be left alone in the darkness again.

"Please, Bella. I need you to wake up for me. I can't live without you. Lilly and I need you." His breath washed over my skin and I couldn't wait any longer. I put all my effort into moving my fingers and opening my eyes.

Thankfully I was rewarded for my efforts. My eyes opened and I found myself graced by the beautiful green orbs of the man I loved.

"E-ed..ward?" I had to be dreaming right? I mean, he walked away from me.

"Oh, thank God! Love, you scared me to death. Please don't ever do that to me again. I love you too much to let you go." Edward leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I couldn't respond. This all felt so real, but it couldn't be, right? He was no longer a part of my life.

"Wh-what…are you doing here?" My voice croaked out. I wasn't sure if it was because of the emotional strain or because my mouth felt like a desert.

"Sweetheart, what do you mean? Where else would I be?" His expression was confused and worried.

"You left me. Told me that I wa-wasn't good…enough…for…you," I could no longer hold back the sobs.

"Love, what are you talking about? Not even death could keep me away from you. As for being good enough, you are far too good for me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will spend everyday for the rest of our lives trying to be worthy of you." He sounded so sincere, so real.

"But..but, Jake…and mom said…and you agreed…left with Lilly…," the sobs took over again and Edward just pulled my body to his chest; rocking me gently and whispering soothing words of love to me.

After an indeterminate amount of time my cries slowed and Edward leaned back so that he could see my face.

"Sweetheart, we're going to talk about what happened today because I'm not about to let you build up another wall and push me out again. First though, I want you to listen to me when I say that I am _never_ leaving you. Nothing anyone ever says or does is going to take me or Lilly away, do you understand?"

I could only nod. I knew he was right, we'd spent the last four months building our relationship and trust in one another. Now that I'd had a chance to recover from the panic that welled up in me when I'd first opened my eyes, I realized that Edward leaving me was all a horrible dream. The unsettled feeling was still there but I could feel it slowly leaving my system as reality worked its way in.

"Good. Before we get into everything though, there is a very angry little girl that is demanding to see her mommy. I'm sure the hospital staff and patients will be grateful to have her screaming self out of the hallway." As Edward stood to make his way to the door I became all too aware of a wailing baby. My baby. As the events of the day came flooding back, panic once again flooded my brain; had I hurt her when I collapsed in the parking lot? Oh, God. If anything happened to Lilly I'd never forgive myself.

Just then in walked my brother holding a struggling, crying, red-faced Lilly. At any other time I would have taken a moment to acknowledge the fact that my baby brother was standing in the same room as me, but I could not take my eyes off my daughter.

"Ma…hic…ma," she looked so heartbroken and I couldn't stop the tears that began to stream down my face.

"Give me my baby, please?" I extended my arms toward my little girl and felt my hands twitch, eager to hold her close to me.

As soon as I had her tiny body safely in my arms I buried my nose in her soft bronzy-blonde curls and rocked her until she was no longer crying. After taking a moment to allow her warmth to soothe my jumbled nerves I looked up and locked eyes with Edward.

"Is she okay? Did I…did I hurt her?" I choked out.

"She's perfect Bella. Not a scratch on her. I believe she was just worried about you. Anytime someone tried to take her away from you she threw a fit. She spent most of the day snuggled into your side while we waited for you to regain consciousness. I only had Seth take her out of the room while I was trying to calm you down. You heard what that caused." The love and adoration on his face while he looked at us made my breath catch.

"I'm so sorry."

"Bella, there's nothing to be sorry for. You've done nothing wrong. Okay?"

I nodded.

"Good. I know we have a lot to get worked out so I'm going to have Jasper come in now alright?" Edward was right, we needed to get everything out in the open and having Jasper around would help keep me from trying to bury my feelings. The man just has a way of knowing when I'm holding back, so I don't even try anymore.

**~~~D~W~~~**

"Bella, I have to ask before we get started; do you want Seth to stay in the room while we talk?"

Jasper and Alice had come in shortly after I agreed that having him here was a good idea. Alice had come along to take Lilly home. I didn't want her to leave my side but I knew that with all the emotion that was bound to be stirred up, I wouldn't be able to give her the attention she needed. Lilly was still a little fussy but she didn't scream when Alice moved to leave the room and I was sure that after a bottle and bath she'd be out like a light.

After Carlisle came in to check me over, Edward and Jasper settled down into chairs near the bed. This was going to be awful.

"I would like Seth to stay if you think that would be alright. He has every right to know what's going on and I'd been ready to track him down anyway. I guess we're more alike than I thought since he found me first." I flashed a warm smile at my baby brother. I'd missed him.

"I want to stay. I've missed you Bella, and I want to help you in anyway possible. I think there are some things I need to tell you as well." With that Seth pulled the chair from the corner up to the end of my hospital bed and settled in.

"Okay. Bella I'd like for you to start by telling me what happened once you got to Subway. What was going through your mind once you saw Seth?" Jasper instructed in his smooth, comforting doctor voice.

"It started the same as any regular session day. I'd stopped with Lilly to pick up lunch for Edward and myself. I had sent a text to Edward asking what kind of sub he'd like and was turning to go into the store with Lilly when I spotted Seth. I remember being utterly shocked but so happy to see him. I had been thinking a lot lately about what you said I would need to do to put the last bits of my past behind me.

"I knew that talking with Seth again was what I wanted to do, so seeing him just floored me; in a good way. Before I was able to move toward him though, Jake stepped out of the car. Every ounce of happiness that seeing Seth gave me was sucked away the moment he said my name. All I could think about were all the times he told me I wasn't good enough. All the times he told me I'd never have a family that loved me. All the times he told me that no other man would ever love me." I could feel the sobs trying to resurface and had to stop. Edward instinctively knowing I needed him stood and wrapped me in his arms. I took a few deep breaths, inhaling the soothing scent of the man I love. Whispering my thanks, I pulled away and continued.

"It was like my heart and the logical part of my brain were fighting with all the residual nastiness that has been ingrained in me since birth. It felt like I was drowning and couldn't get enough air. I knew I was going to pass out and the last thought I had was about Lilly, hoping and praying that nothing happened to her. Then all I remember is waking up here."

Edward had settled himself on the side of my bed, one arm wrapped around my shoulders and the other hand wrapped tightly around mine. He leaned in and kissed my temple, silently telling me that he was here and that he loved me.

"Thank you Bella. Now, Edward had mentioned that when you regained consciousness you thought he'd left you. Can you tell me why you thought that?"

"I had a dream. I realize that now, but at the time it was so very real. Jake and my mother had cornered me in the park while I watched Edward and Lilly on the swings. They both told me how I'd never be worthy of either of them and Edward agreed. In the dream, Edward took Lilly and walked away from me, never looking back." The tears were streaming down my face with the reminder of the horrible nightmare. I could tell though that my heart was overpowering those insecure feelings that the dream had dredged up.

"I think it's very good progress that after regaining your faculties, you were able to realize it was just a nightmare. I'm certain this overload of emotions was brought about by the sudden appearance of your brother and Jacob. I'd like to hear from Seth now and find out what brought the two of them to Forks." Jasper turned in his seat, angling his body toward Seth.

I took a moment to examine my brother now that things had settled down. He looked so much older than his twenty-one years. There was also sadness in his eyes that I don't remember being there when I left him a little more than seven months ago.

"Well, the main reason I had for coming here was because I missed my sister. Ever since Bella graduated high school and moved out I've tried to keep contact and we've done fairly well. Over the last few years I've really taken a hard look at our family and really don't like what I've seen. When Bella told me she was moving, I promised myself I'd give her some time and then I would follow. There's nothing left for me in Michigan. I decided to take a semester off school and transferred to UW for my senior year. The week before I was headed out here I ran into Jake. He asked me about Bella and if I knew how to get in touch with her." Seth's voice was shaking like he was trying to keep his emotions in check. He looked at me then, his hazel eyes full of pleading.

"I promise you Bella, I had no intention of giving him any information." I wasn't sure how to respond so I tried my best to make my expression as reassuring as possible. Seth gave me a weary smile and turned back to Jasper.

"I wasn't sure what had happened between them but I knew that once they'd broken up Bella definitely started going down hill emotionally. Jake wouldn't take no for an answer and pestered me for the whole week to let him come with me. I'm not sure how he found out I was coming anywhere near Bella, but he kept saying that he never meant what happened between them. I just wanted to see my sister happy again, or well, as happy as I'd ever seen her anyway. I didn't mean to cause trouble." Seth buried his face in his hands and I saw his shoulders shake. Oh, my poor baby brother.

"Seth?" I whispered and he looked up, "come here."

Once he was close enough, I pulled him into a hug. "You didn't do anything wrong Bubba, you didn't know. I love you."

"I love you too, Sissy." God, I hadn't heard him call me that in so long. I missed it.

The four of us spent the next few hours talking about everything. In the end Seth had decided to have a few sessions of his own with Jasper. Our family life had taken a toll on him as well and he didn't know how to sort through it. Edward asked Seth to stay in our guest room for a while since he wouldn't be starting school until January and didn't need to be in Seattle until then. I thought it would be a great opportunity to reconnect and work through things.

It was also discussed how to handle cutting the strings that still connected me to the toxic pieces of my past. We'd been flirting with the topic for a while in my sessions but after today's events I realized how important it is to me. I didn't want to hold back from my future anymore. I never wanted Edward to feel I wasn't completely his. I know my dream was just that, a dream; but I also know that on some sub-conscious level, I'm aware that I'm still holding back and that's why it manifested my worst fear into a dream.

So, as for dealing with my parents, Renee and Phil as well as Charlie; I would be writing letters. Jasper said I could mail them if I choose but he felt that in those instances if I was able to get all of my feelings out and onto paper then that would be the best closure I would probably ever get. Nothing they could ever say would make things right and there was no point in dragging it out any longer than necessary. I didn't plan on letting them into my life and they very obviously didn't want me in theirs.

Nothing would be done in regards to Leah. My feelings toward her are indifferent. She doesn't hold a primary role in my life and wasn't responsible for the way I was treated growing up. I may send her an e-mail at some point but that's it.

I had no idea where Tyler was and really didn't care. Yes, the things he did hurt me emotionally. But more than that was the physical hurt he inflicted and I wasn't sure I was ready to confront that just yet. I mean, what could be done? The sex was essentially consensual and resulted in a pregnancy that rocked me to my core when it ended, but that wasn't exactly Tyler's fault. Jasper said we'd revisit how to battle that demon at a later date.

For now though, we had a very large demon to slay whether I was prepared to or not.

Jacob.

**~~~D~W~~~**

I paced the confines of my living room waiting for the inevitable knock to come. Why I ever thought not having Edward by my side for this was a good idea, I'll never know. I didn't fully win my argument though. While I had wanted to prove my strength and deal with Jacob on my own, Edward was adamant that he be there every step of the way.

I could see his point. He wanted to be my rock; wanted me to know that I could draw strength from him and let him help me fight my battle. I need to prove to myself that I'm strong enough to finish breaking down my slowly diminishing walls.

In the end, with Jasper's guidance, we came to a compromise. Both Jacob and I would have the illusion of being alone, however; Edward, Jasper, and Seth were all going to be in the dinning room. Edward and Seth being the over-protective boyfriend and brother, refused to have more than a wall separating them from me. Jasper wanted to make sure he was close enough to handle any emotional fallout. Although, I get the feeling he may be just as over-protective as the other two.

Lilly was spending the day with Esme and no one else is aware of the demon-slaying emotional war that was going to take place in our normally peaceful home.

I've spent the last four days going over a game plan with Jasper and letting Edward in on the finer details about my relationship with Jacob. I know what I need to say, the things I need to purge from my past that can only be done by confronting the one that put them there. I only hope I truly am strong enough now to handle it.

My pacing and ruminating was interrupted by someone pounding on the door.

One would think that if he wanted me to feel at ease around him, he wouldn't attempt to break down the door.

I guess Jake's neanderthal ways haven't changed.

Making my way to the door, I pause to compose my already frazzled nerves. Not really knowing the appropriate greeting for this situation I just open the door and motion for Jacob to come inside.

As I lead him to the living room I wring my hands together hoping to conceal the nervous shaking that has taken them over.

Motioning to the sofa for Jake to take a seat I turn to seat myself in the arm chair next to it. There is no way I'm going to be physically any closer than I need to be to him.

"What, I don't get a hug? Come on Bells I know you've missed me. You don't have to hide your feelings now since we're alone." Jake made a move to get closer to me and I quickly step to put the chair between him and myself.

"You're delusional if you think I'm hugging you. As for my feelings, all I want from you today is closure. I haven't missed you and I certainly don't have any warm feelings about you." I'm proud of how firm and steady my voice sounds, considering the utter turmoil going on inside my body.

"That pretty boy sure has got you brainwashed doesn't he? It doesn't matter. I know in the end you'll realize that you're not good enough for this life and come crawling back to me. I can wait." His smug expression makes me sick and I want nothing more than to go to Edward's side, but I know that I have to do this for me and for my future.

"You don't know anything about me anymore Jake. If anyone had me brainwashed it was you. Now, if you'll please take a seat and explain to me why you're here." I waited for him to finally sit down and made my way back around the chair.

"I'm here because I want you back, Bells. We were so good together, baby. I want that again, and now that I know you've given up your V-card, I'm sure our physical relationship will be phenomenal too." To emphasize his point, Jake made an obscene gesture by thrusting his hips in the air while sporting a lascivious grin. The idea of being physically intimate with him makes me ill.

"That is never going to happen." I state firmly.

"Fuck that! I wasted so much time with you and you never let me fuck you. I told Tyler that you were a cold, vacant bitch and that you'd never let him touch you. Then he comes bragging to me a few months later how you practically begged him to fuck you. Said that you were the worst fuck he'd ever had but that you let him pound into you while you cried and screamed like the whore you are." The harsh reality that Tyler shared so much with Jacob has me close to losing the bit of coffee I drank earlier.

"I came here to get what I wanted, what I deserve. You owe me. I spent years listening to how terrible your life was, how much mommy and daddy screwed you up. All I ever wanted was to get my cock in that tight snatch of yours. I figured breaking up with you would make you realize how you'd never have anything better than me. You know you're not worth shit and that you were lucky to have me. I knew you'd come running back to me and wouldn't be able to say no to letting me in your pants.

"But then you jumped into Tyler's bed. What the fuck was that about? It's not like you'll ever be worthy enough for someone to actually love you. All you'll ever be worth is a few good fucks. You think that doctor guy loves you? He just likes the fact that he has a built in babysitter. I know for a fact that he's fucking at least three of the women at the hospital. Two of them sought me out once the big bad doctor had me thrown from the hospital." I knew he was lying about Edward, and I was pretty sure I knew who Jake was referring to, but I couldn't help the tears that started falling. Was that really all I ever was to Jake, a fuck that got away?

"I see your tears; I know you know I'm telling the truth. That Lauren chick is a really good fuck. She and her friend Irina had lots to share with me. They both came to my room at the motel the other day; told me all about your little boyfriend. Said he's been fucking them as well as some doctor bitch, all while you've been living with him. Lauren told me all about it while Irina sucked my cock. Boy, she's got a mouth on her. It's no wonder your boy can't stay away. With her oral skills combined with Lauren's sweet pussy, no man would ever give that up. As it turns out, Lauren knows all about you. Tyler is after all her man. He's in Seattle on business, guess he moved out here to be with Lauren after they met in Chicago. Funny how I always seem to get Tyler's women; so I guess that makes you the only one I haven't fucked. We're going to change that right now though."

Before I could think, Jake pulled me out of the chair and slammed me into the wall. His hips pinned me to the wall while his hands ripped open my shirt. Before he was able to get any farther, Jake's body was pulled away and slammed into the ground. A split second later I was enveloped in Edward's arms.

"Baby, are you okay? I tried to get to you once he spoke his first word but the guys held me back. It wasn't until we heard the crash against the wall that they let me go. Oh God, I never should have let you do this without me." Edward's grip became impossibly tight and I just let my body melt into his. His scent was soothing but his erratic heartbeat clued me in to just how keyed up he was.

"Jasper call Emmett, now. I want that scum arrested for attempted rape and assault." Edward's voice was gravely from his restrained emotions.

"Already done, Ed. Em said he'd be here in less than five. Why don't you take Bella into the other room while Seth and I handle this?"

"Let me know when Emmett gets here."

With those final words, Edward led me into the dinning room and pulled me into his lap.

"Sweetheart, you haven't said a word. Are you okay?"

"Yeah…I'm just…shocked." I shrugged my shoulders, not sure if that was the right word. Yes, I'm shocked by the things Jake said and shaken by his actions, but more than that is a feeling of relief and I'm not sure that's appropriate.

"Tell me what you're thinking, please?"

"It's weird. I'm not sure the feelings I have floating through me are appropriate. Of course I'm shocked by the venomous and crass words Jacob said and shaken by his actions. More overwhelming though is a sense of relief, of a large weight being lifted off me."

"Relief? Why do you think you feel that way?" Edward's voice was cautious but curious at the same time.

"I'm not sure, but I think it's because I realize that it wasn't me."

"What wasn't you?"

"The reason he left me, the reason he always made me feel less than worthy. He didn't love me; there wasn't anything I could have done differently. There wasn't anything about me that made him act that way. It's all on Jacob. He never saw me as more than a conquest and when I wasn't easily won he had to change up his game. He put doubts in my head about me and my worth because he was trying to break me down and get me to give up the one thing I held for myself. It was his words and actions that started me down the path to Tyler and the shit storm that situation became. I know deep down that I never would have let myself get that wrapped up in Tyler without the ghost of Jacob's words urging me on. His words and actions colored my choices, and while I know the blame doesn't solely lie at Jacob's feet; it doesn't lay at mine either." That realization had me breathing easy for the first time since I knew Jacob was back.

"You are amazing. I don't think I tell you enough."

"Your love and belief in me has gotten me to where I am now. Without you Edward, I'm certain that I wouldn't still be alive. I was letting the guilt and loneliness eat me alive. You've given me the strength to fight through it. Today was just another string cut to my past and the pain held there. I may not have been able to say what I thought I needed to, to Jake; but his words freed me. I realize now that my childhood left me open to be preyed upon by people like Jacob and Tyler. That's exactly what they both did. I'm stronger now and no one will be able to take from me again. There are two things that I hold close to my heart and I will fight with everything I have to keep them. You and Lilly are all I ever want; no one is going to take you from me."

"I love you so much Bella. There really aren't words to express how much. This isn't the place or time, but one day soon I'm going to ask you a question that will tie you to me for the rest of our lives." The beautiful man before me just implied that he wanted to marry me. The outpouring of love and truth I could see in his eyes told me that he meant every word, and I knew what my answer would be when that time came.

"When that day comes, my answer will be yes. I love you more than you'll ever know Edward."

**~~~D~W~~~**

Edward and I are sitting on the sofa watching Lilly's attempts to crawl. She is up on her hands and knees rocking back and forth. The only part she can't figure out yet is how to get her legs and arms to move in a way for her to go forward. She often moves just her arms and will find her self flat on her belly. A couple of times she gets her legs to move but that just results in her face hitting the floor when she gets too off balance. Her frustrations are funny to watch. She gets a very serious, indignant look on her face and says in a very firm tone either 'ma' or 'da' depending on which of us is closer.

She isn't really able to string the sounds together to say 'mama' or 'dada' yet but I just know that's who she means. Currently she's trying her hardest to reach her new favorite toy, a purple stuffed elephant that Seth bought for her. Lilly loves her Uncle Seth and she's got him wrapped around her little finger.

Since Lilly's efforts are getting her nowhere I know it's only a matter of time before she pulls out her frustrated face and gets one of our attentions to get the toy for her. Sure enough not even a minute later she's plopped herself onto her bottom and is staring at us.

"Ma!" Lilly's voice rings loud and clear.

"Why does she always call for me when you're right there?" I say to Edward while giggling at Lilly's tone of indignation.

"Because you're the mommy and I think she likes thinking she can boss you around. She knows all she has to do is look at me with those big round turquoise eyes of hers and I'll do anything without her even saying 'da'." Oh, my poor sweet Edward. He's so taken with both Lilly and me he has no hope of ever getting his way. For his sake I hope our next child is a boy.

_Whoa, where the hell did that come from?_

I know that I want more kids with Edward, but that won't be for a while yet. We haven't even slept together and I want to be married first.

_Why haven't you slept with him anyway? What's holding you back?_

I'm not sure I even know the answer to that anymore.

"I think we need to take a vacation." Edward says breaking me from my inner monologue.

"Why?"

"Well now that the dust has settled from the whole Jacob situation, I was thinking that we needed sometime away to just be us. You know, get away from all the gossip swirling in Forks right now, even if it's just for a long weekend."

Jacob had been arrested almost two months ago and it was only last week that we were finally able to put closure on that chapter of our lives.

Edward had hired the family attorney Peter Collins to file charges against Jacob. It turns out that Jacob has several warrants out for him all over the Midwest for possession, DUI's and another assault charge. All of that along with the attempted rape and assault charge here meant that Jacob would be seeing some significant time behind bars.

I really didn't want to go through a trial though, so to save time and money and to be able to put it all behind us, Jake was offered a plea bargain. The deal was such that he would get three years probation and fines for the charges here but would have to go back to Michigan to face the fallout from all his charges there. Jacob was reluctant at first but when confronted with the fact that there were three witnesses in addition to myself who could testify against him, he took the plea. Another stipulation to the plea was that if he attempted any further contact with me or stepped foot in Washington again it would be a violation of parole and he would be arrested.

With Jacob out of our lives, Edward had turned his focus on the two skank nurses at the hospital. Both Lauren and Irina had been on thin ice as it was with Carlisle and the HR department. Upon hearing their involvement with the events leading up to my assault by Jacob and the rumors the two were spreading about Edward, both Lauren and Irina were let go. Dr. Kate Sawyer was not implicated in anything, while she admitted to once harboring feelings for Edward she had never once participated in the rumors being spread by the skank squad.

The last we'd heard about either Lauren or Irina is that they'd since moved away from Forks and no one has heard from them since.

"I think getting away for a nice weekend would be wonderful."

"Great. I'll check at work and find out what time works best and let you know. In the meantime, try thinking of things you'd like to do."

Before I was able to respond, Edwards's phone rang from its spot on the coffee table.

"Hello? Oh, Jenks. Tell me you have good news." Edward had told me a while ago that he'd hired a private detective to locate Tanya. At first I didn't understand why but then he explained how he wanted to have her served with papers to terminate her parental rights and that he desired for me to officially adopt Lilly. I cried a lot that day; so to say that my ears didn't perk up when Edward said 'Jenks' would be a lie.

"What! What the hell do you mean you lost her? Damnit I pay you good money to locate her and you tell me you had her but then she got away!" Edward's voice was rising and Lilly was starting to get upset. The next words out of his mouth were calm and cold, they also made my heart stop.

"You find her now. I will not tolerate her coming near my family, so I suggest you catch her before she gets here." With that he disconnected the call.

Edward turned to me then, his face full of worry.

"Jenks said he located Tanya just outside of a small town in Texas and had been watching her for a few days when she got a phone call and immediately packed her things. Jenks said that he followed Tanya to the airport and was going to confront her just before she made it inside but got stopped by a flood of people exiting through the same door she went in. Once he got around them and found her in the security line he knew he couldn't grab her then without causing a scene and getting arrested. It wasn't until he overheard the security clerk ask Tanya why she was going to Seattle that he knew he had to call me."

"Edward you're making me nervous. What did she say?"

"Tanya told the clerk that she was going to get her daughter."

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**A/N: **Okay, sorry about the cliffie, but the next part really needs to be in EPOV. I won't make any promises about when the next chapter will be up because I know my limitations, but I will get it posted as soon as I'm able. I hope you continue to stick with me.

If I didn't respond to your review from the last chapter I'm sorry but I did read them all. I will try to respond to reviews but if I don't please know how greatly I appreciate each and every one along with all the alerts and favorites this story receives. Thank you so very much.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **For those of you still with me, Thank you for your patience. On with the story...

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to place her characters into the stories in my head. **

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**~~Edward~~**

"I want a restraining order filed against Tanya Hale protecting both Lilly and Bella. I also want an emergency order of termination filed against Tanya's parental rights. I won't stand for anything happening to my family Peter, I won't!" The strain in my voice was evident, it felt like my world was crumbling around me and I wasn't sure how to handle it.

"Calm down Edward, I've already filed those motions with the court, but it will take a few days to get anything resolved. Has your detective friend come up with anything to go by?"

"No. Once Tanya was on the plane to Seattle he lost all traces of her. Bella and Lilly are my life and I don't know how to protect them from unseen threats." I buried my face in my hands and held back the scream of frustration that so badly wanted to be freed.

"Why don't you take them both away from here for a while? It'll be a few days before I hear anything from the judge in your case and with Tanya sneaking around, perhaps its best if you weren't in town; that way when she shows up, your brother and the police can take care of her and your girls will be safe. I can always call you and let you know how the case is progressing."

"Maybe you're right. We won't be far, but it will be easier to protect my girls if I don't constantly feel like I'm looking over my shoulder. I'll call you and let you know where we'll be. Keep me informed."

With those final words to Peter, I left his office and made my way back to the hospital. It was time I talked to my father and let him know what was going on.

**~~~D~~W~~~**

"Edward, why didn't you come to me sooner? I know I've been strict with you here at the hospital but when something is threatening my children and grandchild I expect to be kept in the loop." My father's voice was gritty with emotion and I immediately felt ashamed.

"I didn't mean to keep you in the dark Dad. At first there was nothing to let anyone know. I had Jenks on her trail and hadn't heard much of anything until a few days ago when he called and told me that she was headed here. Since that phone call I've been trying my best to keep Bella calm and get my legal bearings. I just didn't think there was anything for the family to help with."

"Even if there wasn't much for us to do, we still could have offered our support. It does hurt that you didn't let me know, but I understand where you're coming from. They are your family and the most important things in your world. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same. So now that you've told me what's going on, what can I do to help?" The relief I felt knowing that my father wasn't angry with me was a little overwhelming given my current emotional state.

"I want to get Lilly and Bella out of town for a while. It's only been a few days since I got the call from Jenks, but already both Bella and I are losing sleep. Bella is jittery and nervous and I'm constantly on edge thinking Tanya's going to appear around every corner. Even if it's just for just a few days so that Jenks and Emmett have time to track Tanya down and our legal issues are taken care of. Peter has already filed emergency motions with the court. I just need…" My voice trailed off, I didn't have the words to express my need to hide them away or the amount of dread that was building in my gut.

"Take two weeks and go to the cottage in Oregon. Bella will love it there and it's secluded enough that no one can bother you. Besides, Tanya doesn't know where it is and since the property is in the Platt family name it'll be harder to trace where you've gone. I had a land line installed out there since cell coverage is spotty at best, so make sure you give that number to Peter. I'll make sure Emmett knows what's going on and we'll let you know the minute something happens."

"Thank you Dad. I don't know what I'd do without you and I'm sorry for not coming to you sooner."

"Keep those girls of yours safe Edward, that's all the thanks I need."

**~~~D~W~~~**

"Bella, sweetheart, are you home?" After leaving the hospital the only thought on my mind has been to get my girls and get out of town. I hope Bella doesn't think I'm too crazy for wanting to leave tonight.

"In the kitchen, babe." Her beautiful voice floated to me from the back of the house.

Upon entering the kitchen, an overwhelming need to have Bella in my arms flooded over me. Unable to resist the pull, I walked up behind her and wrapped her tightly in my arms. Burying my face in her neck, I let out a shuddering breath. The stress of this situation is wearing me thin.

"Edward, honey, is everything alright?" I could hear the worry in her voice and that's what I'd been trying to avoid.

"It will be. I promise everything will be just fine."

"Then what has you on edge? You know you don't have to hide anything from me right? I love you and we are in this together, so talk to me." Bella had turned in my arms so she could look me in the eye; there was definitely no hiding from her when she did that. With a deep sigh, I let everything come flooding out. I told her everything, from my meeting with Peter to my discussion with dad and all of my fears.

"Thank you. I know it wasn't easy for you to share all of that because you want to protect me. I need you to know you're not alone in this though, I have the same fears. You and Lilly are _my_ whole life. If anything happens to either one of you I won't survive. My biggest fear right now is that you'll come to the conclusion that this is all too much to take; that you'll try and work things out with Tanya for Lilly's sake. I have no legal rights to Lilly, no rights to you. I won't…I can't…" My heart broke as sobs ripped through Bella's body and she crumpled in my arms. How could she think like that? No, she may not have any rights to Lilly or me…yet; but she _will_ be my wife and legally Lilly's mom. It's not a matter of if, only when.

"Shh, baby, shh. Bella, love, I don't need to have papers with a judge's signature on them to tell me that Lilly belongs to you or that I belong to you. Nothing that Tanya does or says will take either one of us away from you. When the courts terminate her rights we'll file adoption papers for you. Lilly may not have been born to you but you are her mom in every way that matters. And as far as your rights to me go; Baby you own me heart, body and soul. I wasn't alive before you came into my life. The day I marry you, and believe me it will happen sooner than you know, will be the best day of my life. We are a forever kind of thing, sweetheart. Nothing and no one will change that."

Bella and I spent the next two hours packing and talking. We both got all our fears out in the open and we both gave reassurances to the other that nothing would pull us apart. With our heart and minds settled we packed Lilly into the Volvo and drove off to Oregon.

**~~~D~W~~~**

The cottage had been in our family for generations and I always loved coming here. It was a modest two story home – three bedrooms, two baths, kitchen and family room – nothing out of the ordinary or extravagant. What truly made it special though was the complete and utter silence that surrounded it. It was nestled in what appeared to be a completely untouched ancient grove of trees and when you stood on the back porch you could see the rolling ocean just beyond the cliffs that marked the edge of our property. There was a trail not too far away that led down the cliffside and to the small strand of beach exposed when the tide was out.

Up here it felt like you were alone at the edge of the world. The only place I felt more at peace was in Bella's arms.

Our lives were in a bit of turmoil right now and I know that there are a lot of unexpected twists that we may still face, but none of it matters now that I have Bella in my life. The sound of her footsteps on the porch brought me out of my thoughts and I turned to watch her expression.

Bella hadn't been out here yet, when we arrived she immediately took Lilly upstairs to get her settled in for a nap while I brought our bags in from the car and explored the house making sure we were secure. I know being in the middle of nowhere provided its own sense of security, but I wasn't taking any chances with the safety of my girls.

I watched silently as the joy slowly spread across Bella's beautiful face. I knew she'd love this place just as much as I did. It was then that I knew. I would not be leaving this porch without asking her to marry me.

"Edward…this place…my god it's stunning." Her voice was breathless with wonder, and while I knew she was talking about the view, my answer only applied to her.

"Yes, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." My eyes never left her face and I knew the moment she understood what I meant. Her blush was as beautiful as always and the smile on her face was breathtaking.

"I was talking about the view."

"I know," I whispered while tucking a strand of mahogany hair behind her ear and leaving my hand to cradle her cheek. "Have I told you today how in love with you I am? How you make all this mess with Tanya meaningless because you are here with me? How I can never live my life without you in it?"

As I watched the love and happiness fill her eyes I knew there was no point in delaying this any longer. It wasn't exactly planned out, but again, that's the way most of our relationship has gone.

Cupping her face in my hands I let my eyes connect with hers and let every emotion in me fortify my words.

"Bella, when you came into our lives seven months ago, you completed our family. You are the love of my life, my soul mate, the piece my heart needed to be whole. In you, Lilly found her mother, the only one she has or will ever know. I want to belong to you forever, raise a family with you, and grow old together. I want to spend the rest of my days showing you how much you mean to me, worshiping you in every way possible. I want everyone in this world to know that I am yours and you are mine."

Tears were streaming down her face at this point, but they weren't sad; there was nothing but pure love shining in her beautiful chocolate eyes. Before she could say anything though, I reached into my pocket and clutched the velvet box hiding there. I'd grabbed the ring before we left the house, wanting it with me in case the time was right. Slowly I lowered myself down onto one knee and took her left hand in mine. I heard Bella's breath halt as I said the most important words I've ever spoken so far in my life.

"Bella, Lilly and I love you with everything that we have. Will you do me the honor of making our family complete? Will you marry me?"

She was stunned and speechless. At first I thought that maybe it was too soon, but then the most beautiful smile I have ever seen graced her face. Bella lowered herself to kneel in front of me.

"Edward, I will never be able to express what the words you've said mean to me, but I promise to spend the rest of my life trying. Of course I'll marry you."

"Yes?" I heard what she said but needed to hear it again. All of my dreams were becoming reality and it was taking a minute to sink in.

"Yes. I love you Edward. You and Lilly are my world. I can't wait to be yours forever."

I crashed my lips to hers, pulling her as close to me as I could. I never wanted to let her go. I lost myself in her, our kiss growing deeper and deeper until we were both gasping for breath. Not wanting to be parted from her skin I trailed kisses along her jaw and down the curve of her neck. Whispering the whole time how much I loved her. I really hope she wants a short engagement, I don't think I can wait very long to call her my wife.

"So…can I have my ring now?"

"Oh shit! Baby, I'm so sorry." I fumbled around trying to locate the box I had dropped near our knees. Bella's giggles stopped me short.

"Edward, I'm kidding. Well, not really because I'm curious to see what it looks like, but you could have asked me to marry you using one of Lilly's slobbered on cheerios and I still would have said yes." Her eyes glittered with amusement and love and I couldn't help but laugh with her.

Grabbing up the box that held my grandmother's ring, I opened it and pulled out the ring I knew was perfect for Bella. Taking her left hand in mine I placed a kiss on her finger and then slid the ring on. I couldn't help but pull her to me and kiss her until we were both breathless once again.

Bella pulled away and looked down at her hand. "Edward, it's beautiful. I love it and I love you."

"It was my grandmother's. She told me that I was to give it to the one that held my soul. I never really understood what she meant and figured she held far too much faith in the power of love. I understand now though, because you hold my soul in your hands and I couldn't be happier. I love you so very much Bella."

We spent the next while kissing, touching, devouring each other. Things were starting to get really heated and I wondered if this would be the moment where we wouldn't stop, where we would finally give all of ourselves to each other. Those thoughts were halted though when a sweet little voice came babbling out of the baby monitor.

"Mamamama….dadadadada."

"Sounds like someone is awake and looking for her Mama," I said as I buried my face in her neck, not wanting to let her go.

"Not only her Mama, Mr. Cullen. She asked for her Dada too." Bella was running her fingers through my hair as we stayed wrapped up in each other, neither one of us willing to pull away first.

"Well then come on soon-to-be Mrs. Cullen; let's go get our daughter before her babbling becomes screaming."

"God I love the sound of that."

"What?"

"Mrs. Cullen. I can't wait to be your wife, and call you my husband."

"Me either baby, me either." With one last lingering kiss, I pulled Bella to her feet and lead the way to our daughter's room.

**~~~D~W~~~**

The rest of our afternoon and evening was spent enjoying the serenity of the cabin and taking a family hike down to the beach. There was a new found sense of contentment and joy that had settled around my perfect little family. I can only imagine how much stronger those feelings will get once Bella is officially my wife. Just the thought of it is making me as giddy as a little boy.

After a simple dinner and our nightly routine of getting Lilly down to sleep, the evening found us snuggled together under a blanket on the porch swing. As we sat in quiet revelry gazing out on the grounds surrounding the cabin, I couldn't help but wonder what was going through Bella's mind.

She'd been quiet most of the afternoon and if it wasn't for the look of peace on her face I would have been more worried than I was already. I was trying not to let doubt creep into my thoughts but Bella had been through so much in the last year and it was hard to not have moments where I worried I wasn't enough to keep her from falling back into the depression that gripped her so tightly when we first met.

Not able to keep silent any longer, I voiced my biggest worry aloud.

"Bella…you're not, I mean, are you okay with all this? The engagement, you don't regret it do you?"

"What! No, never. Why would you ask that? Unless…do you?" Bella responded her words tinged with fear at the end.

"I could never regret what I asked you today. I've wanted to make you my wife for a long time now; it's just that…you've been so quiet. I'm starting to worry that I've pushed too soon. I don't want you to feel that you have to marry me to keep me and Lilly in your life. Whether you share our last name or not, we will always be yours."

"I love you so very much, Edward. You made me the happiest woman alive today. There was never a doubt or hesitation in my mind when I said yes. I want to be your wife, Lilly's mom, and hopefully one day the mother to a child of our own. If I've been quiet it's because I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I will be Mrs. Edward Cullen. And if I'm honest, I want that soon; very, very soon." As she finished speaking, Bella reached up a placed a gentle kiss on my jaw.

"I love you too, Bella. I never wanted to make it sound like I doubted us or your feelings for me. I think all the stress we've been under has made me forget how simple our love is. We're meant to be and nothing will stop that."

"Absolutely nothing."

We spent the next little while reinforcing that love. Bella's kisses were addicting and it was a drug I would never give up. I had a feeling my kisses were the same for her. Neither one of us pulled away willingly but when we were both in desperate need of oxygen, Bella rested her head on my chest over my heart and I held her as tightly as I could. We were one step closer to being permanently tied together; then there would be no one that could take her away from me.

Before long Bella seemed to be drifting into a light slumber and while I wanted nothing more than stay right where we were, it was time to head up to bed.

"Bella, sweetheart," I murmured while placing a kiss to her temple; "let's go to bed."

"I can't imagine being any more comfortable than I am right now, but you're right. I'll just check on Lilly and meet you up there." She responded while stifling a yawn.

"Sounds like a plan, sweetheart. I'm going to make sure everything's locked up tight and head up in a minute." With a quick kiss we both reluctantly moved out of our cozy spot and went our separate ways.

**~~~D~W~~~**

It had taken me longer to lock up downstairs than it should have, but after Bella left my side the niggling suspicion and fear that I'd been feeling since hearing Tanya's name again crept back in. I think I checked each window, door, and the security alarm four times before heading for the stairs.

As I reached the landing, I noticed that the light in our bedroom was off. Assuming that Bella had already fallen asleep I decided to make a quick check on Lilly myself.

There really was nothing better than watching my little girl sleep. She reminded me that life was worth living and that we would be okay. This situation with Tanya would go away eventually and then I could really start to live my life with my perfect little family. After placing a light kiss to my baby girl's sweet little head, I made my way to Bella. Part of me had hoped she'd still be awake so we could share a few intimate moments together to celebrate our engagement, but I couldn't fault her for falling asleep so quickly. Our lives over the last few days had been stressful and I know she wasn't sleeping well.

Upon entering our room, my steps were halted by the sheer beauty waiting for me on the bed.

There, dozing peacefully was my Bella; only this wasn't a Bella I was used to. While I have been blessed with seeing my beautiful girl naked before, I've never seen her look as beautiful and sexy as she did lying there in a lacy black nightie. Bella had never been so bold before and my heart swelled with love just thinking about what prompted her be so now.

Before I could think, my feet carried me to the side of our bed and I was gently brushing stray strands of hair away from her face. Though unintentional, my movements startled her awake.

"Oh…," she gasped, putting a hand to her chest over her heart. "Shit…did I fall asleep? I wanted to surprise you." Bella lowered her head and I could hear the disappointment in her voice. Unable to let her get down about herself, I pulled her face to mine and kissed her passionately.

"Baby, you did surprise me. I've never seen something so beautiful. What brought this on?" Even with only the dim light from the bathroom to aide my vision, I could still see the blush creep up her face. "You don't have to be embarrassed with me, sweetheart. Whatever you were thinking or are thinking, I'm right there with you. You know that right? That no matter what, I will always love you, always need you. God, I need you so much it hurts; I want you so much it hurts. So, never feel embarrassed to tell me or show me how you feel or what you want, because I can guarantee you that I have the same feelings and wants."

I couldn't keep myself from trailing kisses down her neck, sucking lightly at the spot behind her ear that always made her shiver. My hands had a mind of their own and were soon buried beneath the lace and silk contraption covering her delectable body.

Bella brought her hands up and buried them in my hair as she pulled my mouth to hers and kissed me with more passion and love than I think she ever has in the past. So much so she took my breath away and I felt the air around us shift. Pulling back slightly Bella began to kiss down my neck, eliciting a groan from me that I couldn't hold back even if I wanted to. What came next were words I'd been waiting months to hear.

"I want you Edward. I'm ready for you to make me yours."

I gasped at the meaning of her words and locked my eyes with hers looking for any bit of hesitation as I asked what I needed to know.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure about anything, other than saying 'yes' when you asked me to marry you." There was so much conviction in her voice and love in her eyes that I couldn't deny her.

Our passion and fire quickly escalated from that point. I felt like we were trying to consume each other. Our hands roamed and lips caressed. Clothing was quickly shed and soon we were both breathless and naked.

Knowing that this first time would be difficult for her until she realized that her experience would be nothing like it was before, I was determined for her to reach her peak at least once.

I kissed and licked my way down her body, nuzzling my face into the soft, silky curls between her legs. Before she could even react, I was sucking and licking like a man lost in the desert and Bella's essence was all that I needed to survive.

Once I pushed two fingers slowly inside, Bella fell off the edge screaming my name as she flew. As I eased her through her orgasm, Bella grabbed my hair pulling me up to her and into a searing kiss; not even caring that she could taste herself on my lips.

"Please…Edward, I need you now, please." Her body was arching up to meet mine and my erection was nestled right at her entrance, when I thought of something that stilled all movement.

"Sweetheart, I don't have anything. I didn't bring any condoms with me. I'm so, so sorry." I buried my face in her neck and swallowed the lump in my throat. The disappointment washing through me was enough to bring tears to my eyes. Not because I was so much of a man to be concerned about not getting my release, but because I wanted that connection to my fiancée. I wanted her to know how much I loved her with my actions and how someone should be treated when they share their body with another. But I didn't want to put her in a situation she wasn't ready for.

"It'll be okay, Edward. I don't want anything between us. I want to know you, all of you, without a barrier. We're both clean and my chances of getting pregnant are slight anyway. I just want to be with you, and whatever happens I'll be okay with. Unless, you don't…oh, I see…I understand. Um, I'll just…sorry…" Bella moved to get out of the bed and I could see the tears streaming down her face. What had I done?

"Bella, where are you going? What's wrong? Please, just talk to me. I don't understand."

"I was just going to get dressed. It's okay if you don't want to risk having a baby with me. I know it was probably a stupid dream anyway, to expect you to want children with me. I understand really, if that happens then you'll always be connected to me. This way, when you decide that I'm not what you want, you can leave without looking back. I always knew I wasn't worthy of you, I just hoped I had…l-longer before yo-you…realized it t-too." Heartwrenching sobs broke from Bella's chest as she curled into herself and turned away from me.

I sat there stunned for a few moments before a strangled sob tore its way out of my chest as well. How could she think that? We had made so much progress over the last few months I was sure she was over most of her insecurities. Tanya's reappearance must have had more of an impact than I thought. I wanted to hurt myself for being so self-centered. I'd been so worried about how this situation was making me feel and getting my girls to safety for my own peace-of-mind that I didn't even take a moment to look at this from Bella's perspective.

Unable to take another second of being away from her, I wrapped myself around Bella's naked, shaking body and desperately tried to calm her down.

"Shh, Bella, please. I love you so much, I'm the one that's not worthy of you. Please, it kills me a little each time you cry. I never want you to be anything but happy. Please, Bella, please." My own tears were streaming into her hair as I held her as tightly as I could.

I'm not sure how long I cried, or when Bella stopped, but at some point our role's reversed. Bella was cradling my head to her chest repeating over and over that she wasn't leaving me. It wasn't until her words registered that I realized I was begging her not to leave me and that I was sorry.

"Edward, baby, please stop. I'm never leaving you. The only way I'd ever leave is if you asked me to." Her tears were still evident in her voice but the sobs had stopped and because of that I was able to get my own under control.

"When you pulled away from me, the defeated tone in your voice as you spoke, I was sure you were done. I don't know how you could believe that I don't want children with you. Why you would think I want a way out. I want dozens of children with you, Bella; little girls with dark hair and eyes that look just like their mother, little boys that look like me and know that you are the most important person in their world just like I do. My only concern was putting you in a situation you weren't ready for. It hasn't even been a year since you lost your child Bella; I never want to be the one to cause you more pain." I had to look away then before Bella could see the doubt in my eyes. It feels like all I do is cause her pain, maybe I'm not the best option for her.

"Stop that train of thought right now Edward Anthony." I snapped my eyes to hers at the demanding tone in her words.

"I can tell what you're thinking. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You were right in saying that it hasn't even been a year since my life went to hell and when I'm around you I seem to forget that fact. I'll never be more grateful than I am to you for that, but moments like these when my insecurities blindside me, snap me back to reality. You have to be patient with me when that happens. My thoughts are far from rational, and our emotions have been a bit high strung over the last week. So instead of taking your disappointment about the condoms as concern for me, I saw it as a rejection. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I love you, I want children with you, I want to marry you. Please tell me I haven't ruined everything."

"Oh, sweetheart, you could never ruin everything. I love you so very much. I can't wait to have children with you, so if you're not worried that it's too soon then neither am I. I don't know if I'll ever be able to show you how much you mean to me Bella. I just hope that one day you'll come to believe that I'll never be able to leave you. If I don't have you and Lilly, I don't exist."

"Oh, Edward…" Bella kissed me then, a slow intense burn of a kiss. One meant to say so much that words could not.

Although for a time the mood had shifted, the intensity between us started to build again and we found ourselves right back at the start. Only this time it was a deep need that wasn't there before. Where the fire between us the first time was all consuming passion and want, this time it was all need.

The emotions of the night had manifested into an intense need for reassurance and love. To connect ourselves to each other on a level that neither one of our subconscious minds could refute.

With our breathing ragged and our chests heaving, our bodies aligned and our eyes connected. Our souls were speaking to one another and without a word spoken, my body slid into hers and we irrevocably became one.

It was as if our hearts, minds, and souls were waiting for this one moment to align completely, like all the energy surrounding us was just waiting to explode as all the pieces snapped into place.

I had found my home, and the look of pure unadulterated pleasure on Bella's face told me she had found hers as well. Our bodies moved together seamlessly. We pulled pleasure from each other as our eyes kept their connection.

"Oh, Edward…" Bella's breathless sighs, spurred my actions. Our movements became harder, faster, deeper. Our soul deep connection solidified and became unbreakable.

As we both rushed to our peaks, I reach between us and caressed her to make sure we made the jump as one. We both hit the edge and plunged into bliss together, our names reverently sighed by the others lips.

As we slowly came back to earth, I rolled to the side and pulled Bella in close, her head resting on my chest and basked in the new found joy between us. It wasn't long before I felt something warm and wet land on my chest and knew Bella was crying.

"Sweetheart, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" I could feel the panic rising and was scared to death that I had hurt her.

"I'm wonderful…I never knew…I love you so much." Her tears continued but I understood now, that they weren't sad but, happy tears. Moving so we faced each other, I cradled her face in my hands and placed a sweet kiss to her lips.

"That should have been your first time. That's how love between two people should be. I intend to make each and every moment we're together as special as that was. You are my home now Bella. I'm yours and until you order me away I always will be."

"I hope you're prepared for forever then, because I'll never order you away. I belong to you now. You are my home as well. You always have been I just never knew it until now."

"I love you, Bella. I can't wait to make you my wife."

"I love you more than you'll ever know, Edward. I can't wait either. We should try and get some sleep though because there is a little girl just down the hall that will be up demanding our attention before we know it."

"You're right and I just want you to know that if we created a life tonight, nothing would make me happier. Sleep well, my love." We kissed a little longer and both drifted off into a blissful sleep.

**~~~D~W~~~**

The rest of our time at the cabin was spent just being a family during the day and making love at night. Our days spent with Lilly were some of the best days I'd had so far. Lilly was nearly nine months old and she developed more and more of her personality daily. She was a sassy little thing, always throwing out devilish little looks when she wanted one of us to do something for her. She was also trying her damndest to walk.

I swear that little girl went directly from sitting to standing. She had been struggling with crawling before we left for the cabin but in our first couple of days here she just suddenly got it and we had a hard time keeping her out of trouble. I wasn't two days after she had that mastered that she pulled herself up at the coffee table and started to make her wobbly little way around it while having a death grip on the edge.

Yesterday morning I found Bella sitting in the middle of the living room with Lilly standing defiantly at the coffee table.

"Come on my little Lilly bug you can do it. Just let go and come to Momma." The smile on Bella's face was breathtaking. Watching her interact with our daughter often left me breathless. The love that poured between them was visible to any who watched and I often wondered if that's what you noticed when watching myself with Bella. I knew I could feel it, but I wondered if others could too.

After Lilly made a couple attempts to step away from the table and landed on her diaper covered tush, she just huffed and crawled into Bella's lap. With a quiet sigh of 'ma' she nestled her little head into Bella's chest.

"Oh my sweet little baby; I love you so much. You're getting far too big though, it'll be okay if you don't walk right away I'm not ready for you to grow up anymore." I knew how Bella was feeling, it seemed like only yesterday she was two months old and just starting daycare.

That night after Lilly was in bed and we reinforced our love to one another yet again, we talked about what we wanted for our wedding. It was decided that a simple ceremony in our back yard is what we wanted and that neither one of us wanted to wait very long. We came to the tentative decision that we would get married sometime before Thanksgiving and that we would only invite my family, Seth and few people from both the hospital and daycare. We just didn't want to wait and would make a final decision once we got home and spoke with everyone to determine the exact date.

Personally I couldn't wait to be able to call Bella my wife. The only other thing that could make me happier was if we were able to sign the adoption papers making Bella Lilly's mom officially.

Bella and I also decided that when we got back into town she would set up an appointment with one of the OB-Gyn's at the hospital. While we both had serious doubts that we were able to conceive while we were here, we didn't want to take any risks that if that did happen there could be a problem. I also wanted her to have a second opinion on her reproductive health. As a doctor I wanted to know exactly what we were dealing with so we could address it correctly.

We had heard from Peter on our legal issues a few days ago. The restraining orders for Lilly, Bella and me were granted against Tanya; however, the termination of parental rights suit had hit a snag. While it was proven that Tanya had in fact abandoned Lilly after her birth, the court wanted to give Tanya notice first of the pending termination to give her the option of fighting it. The problem however is that no one has been able to locate Tanya in order to have her served. Both Bella and I were disappointed with the news but Bella was far more understanding than I was.

She said that while they'd have to kill her before she'd let Tanya anywhere near her daughter she understood the courts perspective on behalf of the mother. Me, I just wanted to punch the judge and tell him he was a moron.

We were headed home today and while Bella is upstairs packing up the last of our things I made one last call to my brother to make sure it was safe to come home.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Em. I'm just checking in. We'll be heading home in about an hour or so."

"Oh, hey Ed. Everything is the same as it's been since you left. Although, Jenks did call earlier and said he may have a lead in Seattle. We'll keep you updated but I don't see any reason that you guys can't safely come home. There hasn't even been a hint of Tanya anywhere near Forks and the restraining orders will at least provide you a bit of protection."

"Thanks, man. Hey, do you know if the family has any plans tonight? Bella and I would like to see everyone. I was thinking maybe barbeque or something like that at Mom and Dad's."

"As far as I know, we're all free. Rosie and I can be there and I'll check with Alice and Jasper. Text me and let me know the time."

"Will do, Em."

"I gotta run, but I'll see you when you get here. Drive safe."

We said our goodbyes and disconnected the call. I didn't really expect any news but the thought that Jenks has a lead in Seattle is promising. I made a call to my Mom and she assured me that it was no problem to have a get together at the house. I couldn't wait to let everyone know that Bella and I were engaged. I also wanted to ask Dad who he recommends as a doctor for Bella. I wouldn't stand for anyone other than the best for my girl.

After we had the car loaded and Lilly safely in her car seat, we both paused before getting into the car. Bella wrapped her arms around my waist and sighed into my chest. I ran my hands through her hair pulling her as close as I could get her.

"What's going through that pretty little head of yours?" I asked while placing a kiss to the top of her head.

"That I'm sad to have our peaceful little bubble burst. We didn't have any worries here and once we worked through some of my issues, it's been nothing but bliss. I'm not sure I'm ready to go back to reality."

"They were our issues, sweetheart. But you're right; I'm not ready for reality either. However, I can't wait to share the news about our engagement with the rest of the world. Besides we can't hide forever, we'll take on whatever comes our way together."

"You have a good point. We'll be together from now on. With you by my side we can face anything. Even an over excited Alice and Rose. They are going to be impossible aren't they?" Bella looked up at me with amusement and a bit of fear.

"I think they'll have to fight Mom for the title of most excited. Esme's been waiting a long time for me to get married." I couldn't help but laugh at her expression.

"Come on, baby. We'd better go before Lilly starts getting restless." I placed one last kiss into her hair as she sighed and let me go.

The closer we got to Forks the more I could feel the dread I pushed away blossom once more. As peaceful as our two weeks were, I could not shake the feeling that something bad was coming.

* * *

**A/N: **In regards to the legal issues in this chapter, I'm not a lawyer nor do I have a desire to be. I'm sure there is a lot more that is involved in getting someone's parental rights terminated and restraining orders placed. However, for the flow of this story we're going to pretend that things really are this simple. It's fiction and this is how I choose to write it.

Those of you that have been with me from the beginning, if there are any of you left, are probably wondering why it's taken me so long to post. My health took a serious down turn a few months ago and with it went my desire and motivation to write. I have Multiple Sclerosis and suffered a serious setback. Most days it took all my energy just to get out of bed and shower. Most days in fact are still very difficult for me. I am getting a bit better though and since my outlook is improving so is my desire to complete this story. Even during my worst days I thought about my characters and my faithful readers. If parts of this chapter seem a bit choppy it's because I've written this one bit by bit over the last 6months. If I got the itch to write I would, my energy an motivation usually only lasted for a paragraph or two though. I've attempted to smooth it out as much as possible, but I'll always be able to find the faults.

Anyway, I found my inner writer this morning when I woke up and realized that my life could be much worse. Yesterday was my 35th birthday and there was a time in the last few months that I wasn't sure I wanted to make it to see another year. I'm getting better, my energy and will for life is coming back. I still have all my cognitive abilities and even if my body doesn't want to listen to my brain most days at least I'm still living.

Thank you again for your patience. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait but I also know that that may be quite hard to do. Unfortunately, I can't give you any idea on when the next update will be. Perhaps though, you'll still find it in you to be patient with me.


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